TVSquad

Last season's Desperate Housewives' finale was pretty much a game changer. The denizens of Wisteria Lane jumped five years into the future and into completely different lives. Just to recap: Gaby (Eva Longoria Parker) is a mom, Bree (Marcia Cross) is the new Martha Stewart and is back with Orson (Kyle MacLachlan), Lynette's (Felicity Huffman) sons are juvenile delinquents, Susan (Teri Hatcher) has a new man and Edie (Nicolette Sheridan) is nowhere to be found. So basically things are a little ... different. Executive producers Bob Daily and Sabrina Wind discuss just how different life on Wisteria Lane is going to be this season.

Daily says that the five year jump has allowed them to wipe the slate clean, "We keep talking about this first episode likes it's another pilot. We're starting over and each woman has a new drive now." For more information on what to expect on Desperate Housewives this season, follow me after the jump.

WARNING: SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP

Haircuts on TV shows are often a very big deal. Remember when Keri Russell had the audacity to cut her long, curl mane on Felicity? Some fans never forgave her or the character!

Well, be prepared for another cut to your psyche, Desperate Housewives' devotees. Eva Longoria Parker has cut her hair for the upcoming sixth season of the show. Unlike Keri, however, Eva's cut was done with the blessing of the producers.

As you can see, it's a very cute 'doo; not too blunt or pixie-ish. It's quite stylish and flattering. The idea is that with the five-year time jump that we saw in the finale last season, Gaby doesn't have the time or inclination to care for her long, flowing locks. (If you've ever had long, full hair like hers, you know what I'm talking about!)

And yes there are MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD! So turn back now if you don't want to be spoiled!

There's a big twist coming to ABC's Desperate Housewives. And it involves Teri Hatcher and Marcia Cross wearing jetpacks and eating pills that will take the place of meals.

Well, OK, maybe they won't have any of that, but Desperate Housewives is taking a cue from Lost and will jump five years into the future in the last moments of the season finale in May. Cross let the news out on Ellen. But it's not going to do a back and forth in time like Lost, it's going to stay in the year 2013 (or will that be 2012, considering this season started in 2007?).

There's going to be a new lady swinging down Wisteria Lane this spring. Entertainment Tonight reported that Justine Bateman has signed onto Desperate Housewives for a few episodes. The actress, who will forever be remembered for playing Alex P. Keaton -- Michael J. Fox's -- sister Mallory on Family Ties, will be playing "a hip artist living with Gabby and Carlos."

On the heels of yesterday's news that Dana Delany may soon become a Desperate Housewife, is news that Nathan Fillion is also in talks to join the show. The Hollywood Reporter says that Fillion would play Delany's much younger husband. They'd be the new couple on the block at Wisteria Lane and would, no doubt, have some sort of mysterious past and secrets that they're hiding from the neighbors.

Rounding up the Fillion/Delany family is Lyndsy Fonseca, who may play the couple's daughter. Fonseca is currently the unnamed "daughter" that we occasionally see at the beginning of How I Met Your Mother.

It'll be interesting to see whether Fillion's addition to the show brings some Browncoats over to ABC on Sunday nights (probably not this Browncoat). Fillion had a lot of support from his fans when Drive launched this spring, but it was swiftly canceled by Fox.

Britney Spears went there, and so did Lindsay Lohan. Mel Gibson did too, and I even think that Isaiah Washington went there to cure himself of homophobia, or whatever the reason was. Yup, it's celebrity rehab, and there's another person who has joined the club: Desperate Housewives star Jesse Metcalfe (though he's not on it that much this year).

Metcalfe's publicist has announced that he entered a rehab on March 19 to "deal with alcohol issues" and he "hopes that the media will allow him the privacy to deal properly with his treatment."

I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that I too will be going into rehab. I've been addicted to television and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for far too long and it's time I did something about it.

And before you say anything, that's the word used by show creator Marc Cherry, not me.

At a TCA Q and A (check out the reports from Joel and Kevin here), the Desperate Housewives creator says he spends $100,000 a week just getting rid of nipples that show through clothing because "I've got a couple of actresses who refuse to wear bras, and the Standards and Practices go 'Can't see that'...then I'll turn on Friends and it's a Nipplefest."

It's funny because I was just noticing the other day on a Friends repeat that Jennifer Aniston was, um, showing quite a bit. Personally I would have used the word "Nipplepalooza," but that's just me. Now, who are the actresses he's talking about?

[via TV Tattle]

The Golden Globes: the award season's equivalent to a Roman orgy (tastefully done, of course). No seat-holders, plenty of food and libations, and no cue-card written, inane banter between presenters. Most importantly the Globes only present awards to the actors, directors and writers and leave the accolades for best costuming, makeup, and gaffing to the Oscars.

What I like most about the Golden Globes, and subsequently the Screen Actors Guild and People's Choice Awards (the Wal-Mart of awards shows), is that they recognize both television and movies, which makes it interesting for fans of both types of media. If you're not a big movie fan then you don't have to wait too long to see who wins a television category. As I write for . . . ahem . . . TV Squad, my interests tend to lean in favor of the big video box. This is especially true when it comes to television comedies.

With that being said, my in-depth five-minute analysis of the nominees for best comedy can be found after the jump.

Nicollete might be desperate, but she's not that desperate.*

The ABC star was at a dog event the other day called "Dine With Your Dog Day," was supposed to eat dog food at the event, because Eight Is Enough's Dick Van Patten (his company sponsors the event) wanted to show people that "how delicious pet chow can be." Actress Linda Blair was there too and she didn't want to eat it either. Melissa Gilbert and Ross The Intern from Leno's show were there and actually sampled the doggie dinner. James Farentino was there too; no word on whether he ate any dog food or not.

(*And, yes, I know that technically Sheridan isn't one of the housewives, but I can't let a joke go by like that, can I?)

That's the revelation from The Boston Herald's Inside Track today. Richard Burgi was in Rhode Island for a film festival, and he says that when people ask him what it's like to kiss Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan, he says it's like "sheetrocking." He's kidding of course. He really likes it. (Side note: the pic with the Herald article is really bizarre. It looks like he's giving a self-help speech, or maybe singing like Tom Jones.)

But I think this could be a new euphamism for sex. "Sheetrocking." It sounds slightly British, in a way.  I don't know why.

(S02E23) The thing I liked most about this finale was how what we've come to think was the "main mystery" of the season was really only a consequence of how early it started. Several lasting mysteries (for lack of a better term) were resolved or came into play significantly in this episode, some even likely running into next season.

Once again, let's quickly go over each family's main points from tonight:

(S02E22) I think the best thing about this season is Felicia Tilman. There are a lot of crazy bitches on Wisteria Lane, but who's the craziest? Let's run through them, just from tonight's episode, and see who takes the cake.

Gabrielle -- Is she in the right by reclaiming her palace of a bedroom at the cost of her baby's mother's comfort? She did have a point about her husband already putting their child ahead of the marriage, but sometimes her methods could use some work. Actually, make that all the time.

Teri Hatcher reportedly got tough with Buena Vista Television, the company that produces Desperate Housewives. She demanded a cut from all the merchandise that is sold with the Desperate Housewives moniker and she got her way. According to various sources, the deal puts her among the highest paid actresses on television (a DH publicist contacted us to deny she's the "highest paid" actress on television, as we originally reported). She currently rakes in $315,000 per episode of DH and will make an extra $1 million for one week of work to pimp DH merchandise such as a new video game, a board game, and new ringtones.

Who do you think deserves to be the highest paid actress on television?

Call me crazy, but I think Disney may have its demographics messed up. It is creating a computer video game based on Desperate Housewives. The player will take on the role of a new housewife and uncover or create new scandals. Brenda Strong, who plays Mary Alice on the live-action show, has already signed on with Disney to do a voice on the game. The other cast members are in negotiations.

I think I'd create a nasty housewife who befriends Gabrielle and feeds her lots of food that she swears is fat free, so Gabrielle gains a bunch of weight and no one wants her. What kind of scandal would you create on DH?

As far as I know, In Justice is still on tonight, but things don't look good for the show. And one way you know that is that star Kyle MacLachlan has jumped on over to Desperate Housewives to be the new love interest for Teri Hatcher's character (and maybe have some pie and dance with a dwarf).

Well, at least he's staying with the same network. He's signed for a handful of eps, but could come back for more.