TVSquad

A&E, the cable network that is slowly becoming no arts nor entertainment, has signed on another tabloid favorite celebrity to bare her life for the camera.

Kirstie Alley will join the network's neverending list of celebrity reality shows. This one will focus on her neverending battle with weight loss as she raises her kids. The network has ordered 10 episodes of the new series.

In other words, it's every other family-related reality show you've ever seen except this one will star Kirstie Alley.

Eliminations on The Biggest Loser are always heart-wrenching. Much as the contestants hate being away from their families, they've made the decision to try out for the show, and once they're there, the last thing they want to do is go home and back to their unhealthy habits.

Many of them truly are fighting for their life, and you just know that without the motivation of laying it all out there on TV -- not to mention the grueling paces that Bob and Jillian put them through -- some of them might never gain control over their weight.

And no, before someone says it, she does not need to shut her yapper because of her love/hate relationship with food... although, that probably wouldn't hurt. Now before I say something else that may be construed as offensive, let me preface all of this with exactly what I said the last time I complained about someone on The Biggest Loser:

"Because what I'm about to write may come across as sounding harsh and insensitive, let me preface all of this by saying that I love The Biggest Loser and have nothing but the utmost respect for the contestants and what they go through on the show.

In a world saturated with reality shows, The Biggest Loser is one of the few that still comes across as "real." You can't script a 100lb. weight loss."

OK, the formalities are out of the way, so let's get to the point: why is Heba being such a bitch?!?

(S05E01) Is there a word that describes the feeling of "missing fictional characters?" If not, there ought to be one. Flurj, maybe, to take a word from last week's wonderful SNL cold open. As in, "I don't know about you guys, but I flurjed the hell out of Jim and Pam and Michael and Dwight all summer long."

What about you guys? Did you flurj your friends at The Office? Well, everything is a-okay now. Your fictional friends from Dunder-Mifflin are back, and your good buddy Jay (quite possibly fictional, we're working it out in therapy) is back reviewing every episode mere seconds after it's aired! So, sit back, relax, and sharpen your commenting fingers! On to the review!

Star Jones has finally admitted that she lost a bunch of weight thanks to gastric bypass surgery that she had in 2003. There's a shocker. The former co-host of The View admits to the surgery in an article she wrote for the upcoming September issue of Glamour magazine.

Jones lost 160 pounds over three years. She says she didn't announce she had gastric bypass surgery because she felt ashamed that she couldn't lose the weight on her own. I can understand that, but she went as far as to lie about it and give people false hope that they, too, could control their problem with over-eating. I'm surprised she's not writing a book about it to make money off her weight loss. Does anybody else think she's just a bad person?

So, there. The world's biggest mystery is solved.

You've seen the ads. Those "Fitness Made Simple" commercials with the lame but catchy jingle. ("It's Fitness Made Simple...Made for real people!") Now John Basedow has made a promotional video for his new reality show.

Basically, the video is him walking around a mall, signing autographs, talking to people, and getting kisses from women (one woman says "he's sooo hot"). Many people also say he's "rockin' the hair," which I think is a good thing. I'm not quite sure why he says at one point that "the reality crew" with the camera has been following him around all day, like he doesn't know who it is. I mean, the video is for John Basedow TV, but I guess it gives it that reality "feel."

You don't find out until the end that the reality show they're talking about can be seen exclusively on...his MySpace page. Yeah, I have a reality show too. It can be seen exclusively in my living room every night. Of course, I'm just jealous. And his fitness strategies actually seem really logical and effective.

Ruben Studdard is at the helm of a statewide effort to encourage people in Alabama to lose weight. Ruben, who won American Idol in 2003, lost more than 100 pounds when he began a weight loss program last summer. He is asking 25 percent of Alabamans to lose 10 pounds in eight weeks. Studdard's weight loss program, called Scale Back Alabama, kicks off January 4th. Alabama is ranked as the "heaviest state" in the nation with 28.4 percent obesity.

Ruben says he was motivated to lose weight because of a family history of diabetes and heart trouble. He did it in a very extreme way, though. He went to Duke Diet & Fitness center for a month to learn how to become a healthy eater. His mentor for weight loss has been Idol judge Randy Jackson.

(S03E02) NBC, what're you trying to do to me? Another two hour episode this week?!?! You're testing my patience and the patience of the flood of fans who dropped by here at TVS last week to leave comments. Okay, there were exactly two comments last week, both from viewers who stated their intention to watch America's Next Top Model instead anyway. No doubt a double-sized Loser is just what is needed to reel viewers in. Here is my plea to reality show producers: if you're going to run two hours a night, make it two episodes -- that is, two challenges, two eliminations, don't just pad out an extra hour.

Anyway, here goes ...

(S03E01) I don't watch that much reality television, but I like this one because it seems to work for the contestants. And maybe for viewers too: last season I watched and got inspired, losing fifty pounds myself. So I've been looking forward to this.

But wait a minute: Jillian Michaels -- the tougher of the two trainers in earlier seasons is gone, much to my disappointment. Had I paid attention when she announced her departure months ago, maybe I wouldn't have tuned in tonight. I really like how she drove the men's team last year, and they seemed to love her too. That, and this time there are fifty contestants to wade through. One from each state in the union. The obese nation theme gets a lot a play early on. But fairly quickly they're whittled down to a manageable group of 14: seven men and seven women. Unlike last year, they are not divvied up into teams based on gender. The other 36 will continue the challenge on their own at home. However, the parade of fifty hopeful contestants marching down the hill to the Biggest Loser Ranch is an impressive sight. (Spoilers after the jump.)

Our fitness-focused sister site, That's Fit, has posted FitTV, a list of this week's health and fitness related programming. Here are some quick picks from the schedule:

NBC
The Biggest Loser - 9/20, 8/7c (two hour season premiere!)

DISCOVERY HEALTH CHANNEL
I Lost It! (Episode: Carla & Shawn) - 9/19; 6:30am, 11am ET
I Lost It! (Episode: Allison & Robin) - 9/20; 6:30am, 11am ET
I Lost It! (Episode: Debi & Bob) - 9/21; 6:30am, 11am ET
I Lost It! (Episode: Dana & Caitlin) - 9/22; 6:30am, 11am ET
Relay For Life: Giant Steps - 9/23; 10am ET

VH1
Celebrity Fit Club (Episode: Put Up or Shut Up) - 9/18; 11PM ET

For the full list, check out FitTV: September 18 - September 24.

I was watching Less Than Perfect last night (yes, it's back on ABC... yes, I thought it was cancelled, too), and the first thing I noticed was that Sara Rue had lost weight. A LOT of weight. Not that this is the first time I've seen the skinny Sara (I think I saw her skinny self on an episode of Ellen or something), but I had forgotten just how much she had slimmed down since her sitcom started four years ago.

But here's the thing: I don't understand why she had to lose the weight to begin with.