TVSquad

• Charlie Rose: Carla Del Ponte and Vanessa Redgrave
• The Daily Show: Fareed Zakaria
• The Colbert Report: Will Schwalbe
• The Late Show With David Letterman: Matt Damon, Dario Franchetti, and Bright Eyes (repeat)
• Jay Leno: Samuel L. Jackson and Jesse Malin
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Anthony Anderson, Matt Dallas, and Kalai
• Tavis Smiley: S. Epatha Merkerson
• Late Night With Conan O'Brien: Wanda Sykes, Pamela Anderson, and Nick Offerman
• The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson: Mo'Nique and Big and Rich
• Last Call With Carson Daly: Avril Lavigne

You are not a true tabloid celebrity unless all of your roads lead towards a one way ticket to rehab. Celebrities wear their Chanel sunglasses and hats low, like a badge of courage, as they are driven in their chauffeured SUV's through the Mojave Desert on their way to places with names more appropriate for a nursery school than to a place for those down the downward spiral of celebrity excess.

Common pre-requisites for rehab include an undying love for cocaine, a struggle with food or a co-dependency on the bottle.

But say you don't have a problem with any of the above and find yourself being publicly scrutinized by society who seek a social remedy for your reprehensible behavior on national television?

We make foul discriminatory language a new reason for rehab and make Isaiah Washington our example.

Unfortunately for Washington, one of the side effects of going to rehab for foul language is being the butt of many jokes, from Wanda Sykes on Ellen to even your own co-worker at The SAG Awards.

It's only a matter of time before we find Harry Potter in rehab. Let me be the first to make this prediction after his...