TVSquad

• TBS has a marathon of The Office all night.
• At 8, ABC has the series premiere of V, followed by new episodes of Dancing with the Stars and The Forgotten.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles and The Good Wife.
• NBC has a new, two-hour Biggest Loser, followed by a new Jay Leno Show.
• FOX has a new, two-hour So You Think You Can Dance at 8.
• The CW has new episodes of 90210 and Melrose Place.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8.
• ESPN has a new 30 For 30 at 8, followed by two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• At 9, History Channel has a new episode of The Universe.
• Bravo has Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel at 9, then the season premiere of Tabatha's Salon Makeover.
• Syfy has two new episodes of Scare Tactics at 9, followed by a new ECW.
• BBC America has a new Dragon's Den at 9.
• At 10, FX has a new Sons of Anarchy.
• Food Network has a new Chopped at 10.
• A&E has two new episodes of Parking Wars at 10.
• Also at 10: MTV has a new episode of The Hills, followed by a new episode of The City.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

• At 8, ABC has It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, followed by new episodes of Dancing with the Stars and The Forgotten.
• NBC has a new, two-hour The Biggest Loser at 8, then a new The Jay Leno Show.
• FOX has a new, two-hour So You Think You Can Dance.
• ESPN has a new 30 For 30 at 8, followed by two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• TCM has Poltergeist at 8.
• At 9, PBS has a new Frontline.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9, then a new Ghost Lab.
• There's a new episode of The Universe on History Channel at 9.
• At 10, FX has a new Sons of Anarchy.
• Food Network has a new Chopped at 10.
• Bravo has a new Flipping Out at 10.
• A&E has two new episodes of Parking Wars at 10.
• Syfy has a new ECW at 10.
• Spike has the Spike 2009 Awards at 10.
• Travel Channel has a new Bizarre World at 10.
• HBO has a new Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel at 10.
• Also at 10: MTV has a new episode of The Hills, followed by a new episode of The City.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

• At 7:30, FOX has Baseball Playoffs, the Yankees vs. the Angels.
• At 8, ABC has the season finale of Shark Tank, followed by new episodes of Dancing with the Stars and The Forgotten.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles and The Good Wife.
• NBC has a new, two-hour Biggest Loser at 8, followed by a new Jay Leno Show.
• The CW has new episodes of 90210 and Melrose Place.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8, then a new Frontline.
• TCM has Mr. Sardonicus at 8.
• At 9, Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs, followed by a new Ghost Lab.
• BBC America has a new Dragon's Den at 9.
• IFC has another installment of Monty Python: Almost The Truth (The Lawyer's Cut) at 9.
• At 10, FX has a new Sons of Anarchy.
• Food Network has a new Chopped at 10.
• ESPN has a new World Series of Poker at 10.
• Syfy has a new ECW at 10.
• Bravo has a new Flipping Out at 10.
• Travel Channel has a new Bizarre World at 10.
• Also at 10: MTV has a new episode of The Hills, followed by a new episode of The City.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

• At 8, ABC has a new Shark Tank, followed by new episodes of Dancing with the Stars and The Forgotten.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of NCIS: Los Angeles and The Good Wife.
• NBC has a new, two-hour Biggest Loser at 8, followed by a new Jay Leno Show.
• FOX has the two-hour season finale of Hell's Kitchen at 8.
• The CW has new episodes of 90210 and Melrose Place.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8, then a new Frontline.
• ESPN has a new 30 For 30 at 8.
• At 9, Syfy has two new episodes of Scare Tactics, then a new ECW.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9, followed by a new Ghost Lab.
• At 10, FX has a new Sons of Anarchy.
• Food Network has a new Chopped at 10.
• A&E has two new episodes of Parking Wars at 10.
• MTV has a new episode of The Hills at 10, followed by a new episode of The City.
• Travel Channel has a new Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre World.
• Also at 10: ESPN has a new World Series of Poker at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

Audrina Patridge is the latest "cast" member to leave The Hills, following on the heels of Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port. To this news I ask: Can the rest of the cast leave so they can just cancel the show? We could only be so lucky.

No, reality television's favorite couple of prats, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt remain. You know, that could explain why everybody else is running from The Hills. The producers are hoping an injection of Kristin Cavallari, formerly of Laguna Beach will help. Personally, I'd be thrilled with the addition of some of the fine folks from the MMA to kick Speidi's ass. I'd watch that week after week.

Don't worry about Patridge, though. She says she's leaving The Hills to focus on that acting career she went to LA for. Which means starring in another reality show for MTV, apparently. The Audrina Show, produced by Survivor's Mark Burnett, will hit the airwaves 2010. Can somebody tell me what Burnett is doing attached to this project?

Cross promotions are not a new concept to TV heads, but this one cooked up by the folks behind the CW's Vampire Diaries deserves a Peabody Award. As Brad mentioned earlier today, The Vampire Diaries is being cross-promoted with the American Red Cross in which the show is hosting its own blood drive.

What a great idea and a great cause! Just think of the other charitable promotions this will inspire other shows to tackle.

Yesterday I asked if The Miss Universe Pageant (or any pageant) was even worth it anymore, but I didn't realize until last night what I had missed during the Sunday night broadcast: Heidi Montag "singing" a "song." The song is so awful and forgettable it's actually mesmerizing. It's like an audition for America's Got Talent. A bad audition. Maybe Spencer really is the talented one of the *duo. Is she introduced with the words "she's a celebrity"?!?

I think her team just said to her "wear something skimpy and put as much hair in your face as possible so people don't know you're lip-synching!" She's really painfully clueless.To quote Bugs Bunny, what a maroon.

* I'm kidding.

At first I thought this clip from The Tonight Show was going to have a scene from NBC's Meteor miniseries merge with footage of Tom Hanks being hit by a fake meteor when he was a guest last month. But it actually has a much better ending than that.

Considering how prevalent reality television is these days, it's got to be a pretty daunting task to try and put together a comprehensive list of the best and worst of all time. But Entertainment Weekly thinks they've done just that. They've compiled the top 20 reality shows of all time, but also the ten worst reality shows of all time. All in all, they did a pretty damned good job.

I completely agree with the top six, but they lose me with Jackass at number seven. I have never understood the appeal of filming morons doing stupid things on purpose just to be stupid. But there were some shows missing from the list completely, like Little People Big World, So You Think You Can Dance and Beauty and the Geek. Surely those shows are better than The Hills and The Real Housewives of Sesame Street, or whatever franchise they're spinning now.

It's a dream come true for everybody like myself that utterly, utterly hates reality television. Heidi Pratt had to be rushed to the hospital for being "tortured" on the reality television show I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here.

First, who decided that Spencer and Heidi Pratt would be called "Speidi?" It sounds like the nickname for Spider-Man, only misspelled. Most likely it's the working of a really bad publicist who wants them to be the next "Brangelina" or "Bennifer" or something like that.

Second, given the problems the couple has already had with NBC regarding this show (like quitting and then coming back), this sounds like a ploy to not actually do anything while collecting a paycheck (something they got ample practice with in The Hills).

I would also like to add that it's probably even worse torture for the viewer to simply watch them on television than anything NBC put Heidi through.

I guess Heidi and Spencer really took this reality show's title to heart. They really did want to get outta there.*

The two stars of The Hills have quit NBC's new reality show I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Outta Here! They quit after last night's live episode. I watched a few moments of the show while flipping around and I saw that they were either asleep during the show and didn't participate in the last challenge (or whatever the hell they're called on this show) where all of the bugs were let loose on the contestants. The Red Cross, the pair's charity, isn't happy about it.

Every time I think I've seen the worst of television, another show comes along to scrape the bottom of the barrel. This is that show. It's stupid and despicable in almost every single way.

* Though I still refuse to call them "celebrities."

• Sci-Fi has a Land of the Lost marathon all night.
• At 8, ABC has a new episode of The Bachelorette, followed by the premiere of Here Come The Newlyweds.
• NBC has a new, two-hour Dateline, then a new Medium.
• PBS has a new Antiques Roadshow at 8.
• TCM has Sergeant York at 8, then Dawn Patrol.
• At 8:30, Food Network has a new Unwrapped, followed by new episodes of Dear Food Network and Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.
• At 9, TLC has the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8, then the premiere of Cake Boss.
• USA has a new Monday Night RAW at 9.
• HBO has three new episodes of In Treatment starting at 9.
• Also at 9: ESPN has the Lakers/Nuggets game.
• At 10, MTV has a new episode of The Hills.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

• WE has a Golden Girls marathon all night.
• At 8, ABC has a new Dancing with the Stars, followed by the season premiere of The Bachelorette.
• CBS has a new Rules of Engagement at 8, then the season finales of How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, Rules of Engagement, and CSI: Miami.
• NBC has two new episodes of Deal or No Deal at 8, followed by a new Medium.
• FOX has the two-hour season finale of 24.
• The CW has the season finale of Gossip Girl at 8, followed by the season finale of One Tree Hill.
• PBS has a new Antiques Roadshow at 8, then a new American Experience.
• ABC Family has a new Greek at 8.
• MyNetwork TV has a new Masters of Illusion, followed by a new Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed.
• Food Network has a new Good Eats at 8.
• At 9, USA has a new Monday Night RAW.
• History Channel has two new episodes of Ax Men at 9.
• There's a new Unwrapped on Food Network at 9.
• Also at 9: HBO has three new episodes of In Treatment at 9.
• At 10, MTV has a new episode of The Hills.
• Spike has the season premiere of 4th and Long at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

Last week I gave a sneak peek of last night's episode of Family Guy, and here's two more funny clips from the show featuring guest Lauren Conrad (The Hills). The first one features Lauren at the Griffin's dinner table (and it's a little raunchy, so proceed with caution). The second one features Brian and Lauren discussing Monet/Manet, relationships, and war. Guess which one knows more about those things.

Isn't it funny how the networks themselves are getting in on the web commentary about their shows? We have ABC giving recaps of Lost using action figures, and here's MTV giving a rather funny recap of The Hills, their show with untalented people doing dumb things in annoying ways. For good measure, the host also gets in some shots at Lindsay Lohan and Perez Hilton.

[thanks to Joel for the tip]