TVSquad

A new column here at TV Squad, where we talk about all of the things you're missing when you hit fast forward on your DVRs.

I thought I'd kick off the very first Brought To You By...column by talking about yesterday's Super Bowl ads (apparently there was also a game of some sort played...). USA Today did their annual ranking of the best and worst of the ads, having a bunch of viewers watch the ads with meters and give an opinion on the good and the bad, and for some reason Bud got the top spot, the way they do every single year. It must be that the people who vote on these things like horses, wacky comedy, or they're all drunk (on Budweiser). The company got three of the top ten slots, and number one went to the spot where the dog trained the horse, accompanied by the Rocky theme. It's bad enough that Bud seems to win over viewers every year, but this dog/horse ad wasn't even the best of the Bud ads yesterday!

Anyway, I have my own thoughts on the best and worst, and I'll list them after the jump.

Advertisers still spend a ton of money on the Super Bowl. They use it to launch new products, advertise new movies, and convince guys that only one special beer will make us irresistible to scantily clad models. We'll have full coverage of the Super Bowl ads again this year, but maybe we can go one step further. The New York Times reports that there's still one ad slot left for the game, and FOX is only asking for $2.7 million for the 30 second ad.

So how about we all pool all of our money and buy the spot for TV Squad?

I think all of these Bud ads are trying to push across one major point: if beer is involved, men don't make very good decisions.

I'm offended by this notion. Except when it comes to women, of course. We've all been there, right guys? But to say that a man driving along a spooky dark road with his girlfriend would pick up a scraggly hitch hiker carrying an axe just because he's also carrying a case of Bud Light...that's stretching it. Why is he carrying a case of Bud Light? Where did he get it? Did he take it when he killed a bunch of people at a party? And like I said earlier, this is Bud Light we're talking about.

You just know he's going to pick up the guy with the chainsaw at the end too, and then they'll be in trouble. Or maybe he'll fight the other hitch hiker, a la Freddy vs. Jason.

I've often had days like this, when everything seems to go wrong with the work I'm doing. But with me it's usually Engelbert Humperdinck that's causing all the problems.

This ad is surreal, and funny. You lack energy in the afternoon at your office, and that's when singer Robert Goulet comes in and messes things up: screws up your office, knocks things over, causes havoc. The only way to get rid of him is to eat a handful of Emerald Nuts and you'll get your energy back. Until tomorrow, when Goulet returns.

One of the better ads, I think. Emerald always does something off-kilter with their commercials and this one is no exception. I like when they use older celebs like this. Humperdinck's next.

This is my favorite ad so far. Of course, we're only 15 minutes into the game.

A mouse - a real, live mouse - is pressed and dragged by two other animals because they heard that if you use a mouse you can get online to get Blockbuster's Total Access service. This is a sequel of sorts to other Blockbuster ads from Super Bowls past, and it's quite cute. They click the mouse, drag it, and then the punch line has them saying "it's not plugged in!" Though the punchline should have just been the mouse's face looking worried, not the mouse telling the others off.

That's Jessica Simpson? Yeah, she's still hot and all that, but do I imagine something or does something look off about her face? She doesn't look quite...real. Too much make-up, maybe? I don't know, maybe high-def isn't great for celebs.

So Cheesy Bites are back. I didn't even know they had gone away. But it looks like everyone is crazy for them, so there must be something to them, right? Jessica walks the red carpet and seems really happy that the Cheesy Bites are back at Pizza Hut.

Oh, by the way, welcome to hour Super Bowl ad coverage. Since everything in this game is sponsored, from the pre-game to the player intros to the kick-off, I'd like to announce that the typing I'm doing is brought to you by the Sam Adams Beer I'm drinking right now.

Well, not the game. I mean, really. But we'll be covering the new, expensive commercials that are going to debut tonight. Coverage begins around 6:30pm, right when the game is supposed to start, but there will be probably be an hour of player introductions, coin flipping, and steroid testing.

By the way, the pre-game coverage is taking place on CBS right now. It started a month ago.