TVSquad

I know, I know, there are so many choices that your mind is about to implode. But readers of Parade.com did the work for us and they've voted for the most obnoxious celebrity in the world and the "winner" is ...

... Simon Cowell! The American Idol host got 42% of the vote, followed by Donald Trump (37%), Gordon Ramsay (12%), and Spencer Pratt (9%). How the hell did Pratt only get 9%? Maybe people were uneasy about even confirming that he's a "celebrity."

In the early days of reality TV as we know it, when the Real World was less of an alcoholic sex romp and more of a genuine social experiment, the "usual" way for talentless people become famous was to either be born into obscene wealth or fall down a well. Or both. Then, some time around the appearance of Survivor Season One, normal folks realized that they could capitalize on exaggerating their personalities on television. "Richard Hatch walks around naked? And he's gay? And painfully manipulative? Yes, I will sacrifice my time and attention to watch your crappy show."

You talkin' about my hair? Well, all right -- What is that? A swim cap?

One of the greatest all-time moments of my senior year of high school was watching David Letterman completely dismantle Madonna. She came on with the idea that she was going to set the agenda and really give Dave the business; I guess the sycophantic dancers in Madonna's pre-show prayer circle told her that she was really funny. Anyway, if you remember, she went toe to toe with the big guy and, to quote a phrase, she awoke a sleeping giant.

Letterman's cultural cache might be waning a bit -- he was beaten by Nightline in the ratings recently -- but his wit is still with him. Further, as the following clip with hair-product enthusiast Spencer Pratt will show, he can still seethe with barely controlled rage at our culture's propensity to elevate idiots to places of prominence. The video after the jump...

Here's what's going on with MTV's resident morons this week...

Whitney Port is getting her own show. I bet you the nipple slip awhile ago sealed the deal. According to Us Weekly, The Hills star will be working bicoastally for a fashion PR firm called People's Revolution. Now, she'll be involved in hijinx on both coasts. Apparently, in New York, Whitney will befriend socialite Olivia Palermo.

Heidi and Spencer have made three million in two years of off "their work as douchebags" according to VH1. And no, the three million is not their combined salaries from The Hills. The couple just shamelessly sells out: club appearances, clothing lines, photo ops. I love that VH1 used the phrase "their work as douchebags." It's so true.

And here's the sneak peek of season 4 of The Hills coming this August. Lauren will find a new guy. Audrina and Lo will fight over LC's affections. And Stephanie will make the awful decision to invite LC and Heidi and Spencer to her birthday party.

Okay, let's get this out of the way first. No, Heidi wasn't there. No, Spencer wasn't there. Yes, that's totally their style. And yes, I was kind of bummed out.

Speaking of bummed out, it was freezing in Beverly Hills last night. MTV rented the outside of this swanky mansion but here's the catch, nothing was going on inside. So, the press had to freeze for three hours while we waited to talk to the stars of The Hills. Also, the port-o-potties MTV set up for us were super classy. Come on! There had to be at least fifteen bathrooms in that house.

For what happened at the live red carpet event before the big season finale, read on past the jump. I got to talk to Chiara Kramer, "Lo" Bosworth, and Stephanie Pratt.