TVSquad

I knew the Church of Scientology had a lot of reach in Hollywood to enlist big names like Tom Cruise, Edgar Winter and the guy from Taxi who keeps popping up on celebrity weight loss and rehab shows.

But now they have either grown too powerful or have completely lost whatever grip they had left on reality, which wasn't a whole hell of a lot to begin with. They have recruited a cartoon character.

Bart Simpson's voice appeared in a phone recording advertising a Scientologist gathering in Hollywood that was clearly voiced by Nancy Cartwright. Of course, the audio found its way to the Internet. 20th Century Fox has been scrambling to pull it off every corner of YouTube ever since Perez Hilton broke the story and Fox made him remove it. You can hear it here before Fox spoils the fun for the rest of us.

You know, Andrew, the blogosphere tends to only focus on the negative and the sensationalistic, so I thought I'd point out a celebrity doing something nice for once: Kirstie Alley --who will next be seen in the original Lifetime movie Write & Wrong playing a screenwriter who enlists her nephew to pretend he wrote her scripts when she finds out the industry considers her too old-- has been in her hometown of Wichita, Kansas providing food, clothing and pet supplies to those affected by the tornadoes and storms that hit the area recently.

The AP article points out that Alley enlisted some of her fellow Scientologists to help out, though I don't see that as significant. There could be a band of yodeling leprechaun-worshiping welders serving up waffles and pants for the people there and I wouldn't care at all as long as they're helping out. As devastating as these events can be, it does tend to bring out the best in people, and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

A huge disappointment for South Park fans everywhere: Isaac Hayes has quit his role as Chef. It's no big shock that, as a Scientologist, Hayes was offended by November's "Trapped In The Closet" episode. However, many, including the South Park creators, are shocked that Hayes chose now to stand up against the cartoon's disrespect toward religion. To back out of the job and say that the material is personally offensive is one matter, but to scold the show for making fun of religions after doing season after season of jokes about Christians, Mormons, Buddhists, Hindus, and everything else under the sun, is downright preposterous (and it takes a hell of a lot to make me use "preposterous"). Frankly, I am saddened by both Hayes' decision and his reasoning.

Chef has always been one of my favorite characters... I'm too distraught to even make a chocolate salty balls joke.