TVSquad

Jesse Spano is coming back to TV. After guest appearances on CSI: Miami and Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Elizabeth Berkley is ditching the procedurals and heading over to Showtime. The former Saved by the Bell star will be joining Jennifer Beals, her costar in the 2002 film Roger Dodger, on Showtime's The L-Word for a multi-episode arc.

Word is, Berkley's L-Word character has a history with Jennifer Beals' Bette. The two went to college together and Berkley was the straight girl who got away. Perhaps Bette will have better luck the second time around.

My only hope for this pairing is that they can somehow manage to fit a Flashdance: What a Feeling / I'm So Excited dance-off into the plot of the show, thus bringing together the high points of both of these women's careers and officially making this the best casting decision ever.

Natalia Cigliuti has joined the cast of Raising the Bar, a new legal drama from TNT. She will play public defender Roberta "Bobbi" Gilardi. Joining Cigliutti are Mark Paul Gosselaar (NYPD Blue), Gloria Reuben (ER), Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm in the Middle), Teddy Sears (Ugly Betty), Melissa Sagemiller (Sleeper Cell), Currie Graham (Boston Legal), J. August Richards (Conviction) and Jonathan Scarfe (Into the West).

Cigliuti will co-star with Gosselaar. Her character Bobbi, a Brooklyn native, is brought in to help with the strenuous workload at the public defender's office. Gosselaar flirtatiously calls her "Bobbi from Brooklyn" and takes an interest in his new co-worker.

There's no denying it: we're currently living in a utopia. Not a day goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars that I get to live in the greatest country on earth during the greatest time to be alive. I think even the harshest critic of the current world order would agree with me when I say that there's not a single problem anywhere in the world that anyone is dealing with.

But how did we get here? What was the spark that spurred us from barely cognizant man-apes into the enlightened, elegant creatures that we are today? Look no further than that great black monolith sitting in your living room: your TV. Five VERY SPECIAL EPISODES that saved society after the jump...

While Elizabeth Berkley's TV pedigree was perhaps better received than her feature film debut, it was the notorious Showgirls that made her a household name and launched her into the "Worst Films Ever" hall of fame. Her career began in the teen series Saved by the Bell, which also netted us Dancing with the Star's Mario Lopez, NYPD Blue's Mark Paul Gosselar and Beverly Hills, 90210's Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

After Showgirls, it took the actress many years to regain credibility and acclaim, working in theater and off-Broadway productions until her return to television in 2002 in a recurring role on Titus. Since then she has guested on several shows, including CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Now, Reuters tells us the 35 year-old Berkley is set to play Horatio Cane's (David Caruso) ex-wife Julia Winston and mother to his recently discovered teenage son (Evan Ellingson) on spin-off CSI: Miami. Miami is known as a "hotter, sexier" CSI, so she should fit right in. She can even try to match Caruso's one-of-a-kind line delivery when they inevitably spar.

It's always interesting going back to see something that you were once fond of again. Sometimes they hold up, and sometimes you are left shaking your head wondering what could have been in the air in 1982 that made you like this pile of crap. That's how I headed into the new Saved By The Bell double feature DVD, which includes "Wedding in Las Vegas" and "Hawaiian Style."

Somewhere along the lines Saved By The Bell ended up rerunning on cable at the perfect time to fit into my daily routine, and I got in the habit of watching it regularly. I'm not positive that I have seen every last episode, but I know I'm pretty close. So, you could say I was a fan of the show. That, or I really should have popped for the more expensive cable plan all those years ago.

Elizabeth Berkeley, who used to star on Saved By the Bell and is perhaps best-known for her role in ShowGirls, has launched a website called "Ask Elizabeth". It's for pre-teen and teen-age girls. And it's the cheesiest goddamn thing I've seen a long time. There are pink clouds, fairies, hearts, glitter, and Hello Kitty everywhere. I guess I'm just not that much of a girlie-girl.

The point of the website is well-intentioned. She wants to communicate with impressionable adolescent girls about body image and socializing. She already does so in school functions and her new website is an extension of that. One of the links for "Expert Advice" has a "Coming Soon" promise of video tutorials and columns from doctors, makeup artists, professional trainers, hairdressers, etc. who are all female.

[Via TV Tattle]

Hello, are you enjoying your weekend?

Yeah, thanks for asking, Adam.

No prob. Do you know what would make your day even better?

Um, Mr. Belding from Saved By the Bell singing "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey?

Yes, imaginary person in my head, that's exactly what would make this great day even greater, and just for you and all my adoring readers, I've placed a video after the jump of Belding himself (real name: Dennis Haskins) joining metal band Metal Skool on stage along with football player Tony Romo for a rousing rendition of the hit song. Belding even treats the crowd to a truncated version of the Saved By the Bell theme. The best part comes toward the beginning when he's mistakenly introduced as "Mr. Belvedere."

The video contains LOTS OF CURSING, so don't watch it of you're at work or church.

[via Best Week Ever]

In what looks to me to be a desperate attempt to gain viewers any way they can, What About Brian is adding Tiffani Thiessen (Saved By The Bell, 90210, Fastlane) to their cast. She will play Natasha Dylan, who is described as being sexy, manipulative, and a shrewd business woman. Natasha will join the show as Dave's new boss at KC Gaming.

I don't know if adding Thiessen is the best of decisions, but then, it really can't hurt. What About Brian is struggling to keep its head above water at this point. The last original episode finished last in the time slot with only 4.54 million viewers, and that was up against repeats of Studio 60 and CSI: Miami. To put that in perspective, the last episode of Six Degrees that aired before it was pulled had 7.59 million. And the last episode of Smith was good for 8.43 million. Total viewers isn't the be all end all of keeping a show on the air, but someone needs to ask, "What about those ratings, Brian?"

Dancing with the Stars runner-up Mario Lopez has just signed a one year deal to host the Miss America Pageant. The pageant will be held at the Aladdin Resort & Casino in Las Vegas and will be televised by CMT on January 29. Desperate Housewives star James Denton hosted it last year (I still don't understand what that whole thing was about).

The Miss America Pageant should not be confused with the Miss USA Pageant. Miss USA is Tara Conner, just given a second chance by Donald Trump. Miss America is the original beauty pageant that nobody cares about anymore.

And if you're wondering, Miss Universe is the beauty pageant held on the moon, where beautiful women from various planets compete to see who is the most beautiful woman in the universe.

The Smoking Gun has obtained a copy of Dustin Diamond's list of demands contract rider for public appearances and it appears he's very sensitive about being called 'Screech'. The contract says that promoters will be fined $100 for "every offending ad, flyer, or marquee"-- which includes refering to Diamond as his Saved by the Bell character, Screech.

What does Dustin Diamond do -- other than make hotel room porn and sell t-shirts? He apparently makes appearances as a stand-up comedian and as a speaker, which he does "the Screech voice, face, and walk." Wait. He will bore audiences with behind-the-scenes stories from Saved by the Bell and do impressions, but you can't call him Screech? I'm confused.

Funny sidenote: His rider warns that some of his jokes are dirty and says, "You are getting the mature Dustin Diamond not Screech." It also requires two pints of "chilled" chocolate milk in his dressing room. He's a walking contradiction.

[Via TV Tattle]

Whether you're a Christian or, like me, belong to a secret church that worships elves, you gotta love the holiday season. This year you can make the season even brighter for someone by giving them what will probably be the most popular gift this year next to the new Play With Me For A Week Then Throw Me In The Closet And Never Think About Me Again Elmo: Dustin Diamond's four year old sex tape. Who among us hasn't wished upon a star for our own copy of Screech doing the nasty with a strange woman? I'm going to wait for the enhanced DVD version with audio commentary from Francis Ford Coppola, but if you just can't wait, porn company Red Light District, the same company that released Paris Hilton's infamous sex tape, will be releasing the video online and in stores. If I were you I'd grab my sleeping bag and grab a spot in line now.

Because people will bet on anything, the odds for ABC's Dancing with the Stars favor Mario Lopez for the win. Right now he's a 3-1 favorite, according to PinnacleSports.com. All he has going for him is, a long damn time ago, Lopez once danced and played drums on Disney's Kids Incorporated (two references in one week??). Just looking at the photos of the contestants, Lopez actually looks like he belongs while the others look awkward (especially Tucker Carlson).

The second and third favored are High School Musical star Monique Coleman with 9-2 and bald Joey Lawrence with 6-1 odds. Least likely to win, according to the odds, is Jerry Springer, followed by Shanna Moakler, Willa Ford and Sara Evans.

Dancing with the Stars debuts tonight at 8 pm.

Oh God, here we go.

Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell, told a Florida radio station that a woman mugged him in his hotel room. He says the woman busted into his hotel room with mace, grabbed some PSP games, then ran out. He had her for a few seconds against the hotel room door (she cried "rape"), but then she got away.

Luckily, his T-shirts are fine.

Dustin Diamond is really starting to get on my nerves. First, in order to change his image from the screechy-voiced character he played on the NBC Saturday-morning sitcom Saved by the Bell he became a foul-mouthed comedian (like we don't have those already). Recently, much to the anger of his fans, he decided to sell $20 t-shirts to save his Wisconsin home from being foreclosed upon.. And now, he's giving out sex advice saying, among many things, that he could write a book on the sexual moves that he has tried and tested and that you need to tap your partner so hard they fall asleep.

I don't know if this is some sort of long-term plan of Dustin's to have us forget that he played the role of Screech for nearly a decade. Or, maybe it's just him trying to drum up some new publicity for himself. I can't read his mind, so I don't know the definitive answer. However, I do know one thing . . .

No matter what he does, he'll still be Screech.

I hope I never have to type that sentence again.

Nerve.com has a special feature going, where they get 90s pop icons to give advice to readers on sex and love. The icons so far are Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved by the Bell and T-shirt salesman), Jake Fogelnest (the kid who interviewed celebs in his bedroom on local cable and MTV), Susan Powter ("Stop The Insanity!!"), Wiley Wiggins (Dazed and Confused), and Dan Renzi (Real World: Miami).

For the record, Screech thinks that you should "tap it so good that she falls asleep," and that if you want to get laid you should rent The Crow.