TVSquad

Korean pop star Rain, the bane of Stephen Colbert's existence (see video below) is in negotiations to appear in the upcoming Speed Racer film from the Wachowski brothers, the duo behind the Matrix trilogy. Rain will join already-cast Matthew Fox (Lost), Christina Ricci, Emile Hirsch, John Goodman and Susan Sarandon.

Rain, whose real name is Jung Ji-hoon, appeared in the 2006 Korean film I'm a Cyborg, but that's OK (doesn't that sound like a Monty Python song)? He is not officially part of Speed Racer just yet. What's also not clear is how big his role will be.

The movie begins shooting this summer and is slated for release sometime next May.

Wow. I think I just saw the worst musical performance I've ever seen on television, not counting local cable.

Hannah Montana (real name: Miley Cyrus) just "sang" her "songs" on Good Morning, America. I have "sang" in quotes because I'm pretty sure she was lip-syncing, and if that's the case and these songs were actually the recorded versions...yikes, I take back everything I've ever said about Ashlee Simpson. And the whole production was bizarre, like the dancing in that Saturday Night Fever sequel directed by Stallone. It was like a bunch of high school students who don't really know what they're doing, trying to dance. Which, actually, it was.

I understand I'm not the demographic for this sort of thing. The tweens in the audience seemed to go nuts over her (and more than a few parents, disturbingly). But I wonder why TV stars, especially young TV stars, feel they have to go into a musical career. Why isn't Hillary Duff happy with being a TV and movie actress? Why does Raven Symone have to start doing pop and rap songs? Why does Miley Cyrus have to suddenly become a pop star? You know it's going to be bad when they start wearing that dark eyeliner stuff to make themselves have that smoldering pop star look.

It's about freaking time! Say what you want about the quality of television, but the American Idol auditions are the greatest two weeks known to man. I sincerely think that this is what Ben Franklin had in mind when he invented electricity. And Chicago was given the honor of being this season's first city to be ripped to shreds by Simon. What surprises me about Chicago isn't its lack of talent (yes, I know they air the worst auditions), but that I spotted at least two Mike Ditka impersonators. Mike Ditka? It's been 20 years since the Bears won the Super Bowl. It's time to let 1985 go, Chicago. 

Simon's gift to you -- an episode timeline of the upcoming season of American Idol. Armed with this, feel free to schedule your Geometry tutor and field hockey practice accordingly. We know you wouldn't want it to conflict. The premier is Tuesday, January 17th at 8pm. Click the link below to see the entire season.