TVSquad

(S04E15)

Even if this was the first episode of Hell's Kitchen that a viewer had seen this season, they would have understood what the players were like and what the game was about just by watching this season finale. Jen was bitchy and unreasonable, Matt was bat-shit crazy, Louross was hyperactive, Ramsay swore a lot, food got sent back, some food went out raw. It was like a wrap-up of the season while still being a new episode.

But who won in the end, Petrozza or Christina? The answer after the jump.

(S04E14) "My goal tonight is to make Chef Ramsay second guess the fact that he got rid of me." - Jen

Oh Jen, just when we had started to forget you, you come back with the nasty attitude and the chip on your shoulder. Like Mary Tyler Moore, you can turn the world on with your smile.

This is part one of the finale, where final contestants Petrozza and Christina design their restaurants and have to complete a service with some of the eliminated contestants. The returning players are Jen, Louross, Bobby, Corey, Matt, and Ben. Not sure why these contestants are the ones who return, other than they're the most controversial. They're not all the most recent rejects, because Roseann would be in the mix if that was the case and not Ben.

I have mixed feelings about these contestants coming back, which I'll explain after the jump.

(S04E13) "Who would have thought this was going to be the top three?" - Corey

I have to agree with Corey. While I actually thought that Corey might make it to the top three (she was strong many weeks and seemed to have the attitude of someone who makes the final three on reality shows), I wasn't sure about Christina. Sure, she seems to have the cooking skills of any of the other contestants and has won several challenges, I just thought that when it came down to the nitty-gritty, she would screw up one too many times. But she's actually the secret talent of everyone who appeared this season.

And Petrozza? I like him and kinda want him to win, but I thought he would have been gone long ago because while he's competent in the kitchen, he's too nice and unassuming, and the nice people rarely win these shows. And he's a mess too, which Chef Ramsay has pointed out many times. But here we are at Day 13, with Corey, Petrozza, and Christina vying for the title.

(S04E12) "If it was men I could have worked that to my advantage, but it was bitchy, pregnant women." - Corey

Tonight I came up with a million dollar idea for a new reality show. It's a combination of Hell's Kitchen and The Mole. Maybe Hell's Mole. Or Mole in the Kitchen. You have 12 contestants trying to get the gig as Gordon Ramsay's new chef at one of his restaurants, but one of them has been paid by FOX/Ramsay to actually screw up the service. Burn the food, put some hot sauce in something that another player is cooking when they're not looking, blow a challenge on purpose. It could be exciting, though Mole would probably have to be change to Mole'.

I thought of this tonight after the sneaky thing that Jen did in the elimination voting...

(S04E11) "I've never cooked spaghetti in my life, but I've heard about it." - sexy cooking school student

I'm not sure if Gordon Ramsay and FOX planned it this way, but I think they invented a new reality show tonight: The Real Housewives of Hell's Kitchen. One of the challenges has a bunch of scantily-clad women teamed up with one of the contestants to make a meal within 45 minutes. The kitchen was all about boobs and boiling lobsters.

And I think that last sentence will give you a clue as to who went home tonight.

Some of our readers have pointed out in the comments section of the Hell's Kitchen episode reviews that Chef Gordon Ramsay shouldn't pick any of the contestants to be the winner, because they aren't talented enough. I think some of them clearly aren't executive chef level yet, though I think some of them could be away from the weird pressures of reality TV. The winner of the show gets $250,000 and the executive chef job at the new London West Hollywood. Unlike other seasons, this winner will actually work as the head of one of Ramsay's own restaurants, so there is a lot riding on this.

But what if he didn't pick a winner?

(S04E10) "I have a migraine...I have a migraine...I have a migraine." - Matt, who had a migraine

I worked with a couple of people like Matt in my restaurant days. Fine when things were perfect, but deep down inside there was something wrong with them, and it came out in scary, whiny, immature ways. Tonight we saw the side of Matt that was only hinted at in previous weeks. But will his cooking skills save him in the end?

(S04E09) "I come in peace, but if you break my sanctuary, you're gonna feel it." - Bobby, about Jen

This episode was like the Lost of reality cooking show episodes. It not only had one twist ending, it actually had two or three. I'm not sure if what Chef Ramsay did at the end of the show was to really shake things up and see if the teams can get better than they are now or just to shake things up in that reality show sort of way. But I'm sure things are going to get interesting.

(S04E08) "Shut up...and I mean that from the bottom of my heart." - Chef Ramsay, to Christina

This episode brought back a lot of memories for me, flashbacks to the day 20 years ago when I cut my finger while slicing linguica on a slicer. Matt does the same thing tonight (via knife) while slicing pancetta. Funny how both the pancetta and linguica are both sorta flesh-colored. I didn't cut the tip of my finger off (though I did go to the emergency room). Matt did cut the tip of his off yet didn't go to the emergency room. If I remember correctly from the episode, he also didn't find the tip of his finger. What exactly did they do with that pancetta?

(S04E07) "He must be on his period." - Jen, about Chef Ramsay

That's not Chef Ramsay singing "Stop, In The Name of Lunch" above, he's screaming an order to the teams in tonight's episode. He screams a lot in this episode (and that's saying a lot when you're talking about Gordon Ramsay). The thing that's different about tonight was, I'm not quite sure what he's yelling at half the time. So the teams screw up and send out undercooked food and are slow getting things done in the kitchen, OK, we get that every week. But this week it seems like something is different. That Ramsay is pissy as well as irritated by the lameness of the teams, and for the first time I don't think he quite gives them a chance. He's yelling at them while they should be cooking and working and fixing things.

Wow, maybe Jen's right.

(S04E06) "I don't want to mess with someone crazier than I am." - Matt

Welcome to week 6 of Hell's Kitchen, also known as Everybody Hates Matt. This was one episode where I didn't buy Chef Ramsay's decision at all. He had to choose between three people at the end, and the one who should have gone - clearly - didn't. The one who should have gone second? That person didn't go either. I really think this week was all about "how can we guarantee more reality show tension in the weeks to come?" and not a professional decision. And that's really disappointing to me.

(S04E05) "I'm not weak!" - Vanessa

I'm always intrigued when contestants get injured on reality competition shows. I can understand why some players opt to leave (I'm thinking of that guy who got burned on Survivor a couple of seasons ago and had to leave), but some players seem to take it as an excuse to leave because they want to leave anyway. A piece of advice: if you get injured on a reality show and it's not so bad that you can't stay, you should stay. Just think of the less work you'll have to do. And if you screw up in a challenge or something, they'll go easy on you because, hey, you're injured!

I thought of that after tonight's twist ending to Hell's Kitchen.

(S04E04) "It's not rocket scientist to make pasta." - Craig

One night in the mid-80s when I was working at a pizza restaurant, I grabbed an empty pizza pan so I can make room on the counter for another pizza and I realized it was red hot. I think my first clue was when it started to burn. It was so hot that as I tried to throw the pan down I couldn't, because it was stuck to my hand for a few seconds. I had to spend the entire night with my left hand in a bucket of ice and my right hand making drinks for the waitresses. Turns out the incident gave me an easy night of work but it hurt like hell.

I thought of that tonight when Vanessa got burned by the pan. Her injury was a lot worse than mine, considering she had skin falling off and had to go to the hospital. But the person in the most pain tonight was probably Chef Gordon Ramsay.

(S04E03) "I'm not going to put my head down like some bitch."

That's just one of the many classy quotes from Jason, Hell's Kitchen contestant and future President of NOW. I guess he would call Chef Ramsay a bitch too if he saw the picture above. Let's take a look at what happened on the show tonight, including more gems from Jason.

(S04E02) "I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done." - Petrozza

Here's a tip if you ever find yourself in the position of being a contestant on Hell's Kitchen. If you have to choose two people to go up for elimination, don't choose them for "strategic" or "personal" reasons, at least not this early in the game. And if for some reason you do choose them for those reasons, DON'T ANNOUNCE IT TO EVERYONE. But that's exactly what happened tonight, in one of the more stupid moments by a contestant in the short history of this show.

Remember, whoever you choose, Chef Ramsay has the final say on who goes home...