TVSquad

(S10E13) The above screencap is the photographic equivalent of a horizontal suck sandwich.

Okay, that's not entirely accurate. The photos of Whitney and Anya are perfectly fine, but my hatred for the individual in the center pretty much taints the picture for me.

And in a broader sense, that's been the overarching flaw with cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model.

(S10E12) This cycle of America's Top Model has made me want to start up a debilitating heroin addiction.

Week after week my favorites have flown out the door starting with the "excitable" Amis and ending with that travesty of an episode two weeks ago when the distractingly beautiful Kataryzna was yanked for "too being vapid." My words, not theirs.

I can't seem to figure out what the hell the judges are looking for this go around, but I sure can tell you what they got. Want to hear it? Here it goes.

(S10E10) I accidentally went through last weeks entire recap without a single mention of Lauren going straight Ginsu on her thumb.

I figured I shouldn't make the same mistake two weeks in a row so decided to intro with Anya's faceplant on a brick street..

We heard the requisite record play scratch immediately after she fell. We got Anya's diary room explanation of how it went down (literally). And we got to watch one girl out of five turn around and help Anya pry her mandible from the ground.

(S10E09) Now, I don't want to come off as too harsh or insensitive, but if Dominique is the first thing I see when an episode of America's Next Top Model begins, I usually do a double take to make sure I didn't accidentally hit play on my Gremlins 2 DVD.

Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I say Dominique's eyes be holding no beauty.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I say Domique's windows have vacancy signs tacked on the panes.

Some say an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I say, I would gladly gouge out both of my eyes with a worn tooth if I have to look at her just a week longer.

(S10E07) I cracked open my laptop and stared blankly at the screen for a good 30 minutes trying to muster up the will to write four to five paragraphs that ranted and raved about how much I love Fatimanique.

Nothing came to me, so I cracked open a bible hoping that the good book would remove the hate from my heart, and grant me the ability to look past their demonic facades and love them like normal human beings should be loved.

It didn't work, so I cracked open a Stella Artois hoping that some Belgium malt liquor would provide me with the liquid strength necessary to force my mind into pretending I gave a crap about these two medieval gargoyles.

(S10E06) To be perfectly honest, I haven't paid a whole lot of attention to Aimee this season.

I mean look at her in the capture above. The waterfall or the buildings behind her have just as good a chance at capturing your attention as she does.

She's pretty nondescript to say the least and while she's a pretty girl and everything, she just hadn't done very much to stand out this season aside from profess her anxiety of being naked around other women. I'm not ashamed to admit I find that to be a turn-off.

(S10E05) We're down to 10 girls on this cycle of America's Next Top Model, and my strategy to root for the models I least want to win is in full effect.

I'm currently supporting Dominique and Fatima with the hopes that they make it to the final two and I have to admit it's really painful having to do this.

I cringe every time I hear Dominique refer to herself in the third person. I gag every time Fatima talks about how ghetto or stupid another girl is. I cringe and gag having any positive thoughts about them, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the models I really want to win.

(S10E04) I have a confession to make. I've developed a bit of a crush on Amis.

It's not the psychotic plant-a-GPS-transponder-on-her-car-and-stalk-her crush that you might see on an episode of Dateline or anything. I've simply grown fond of her goofy personality.She's got a real every-girl appeal about her and she's not the typical kind of model that you see coming on this show. I find her pretty refreshing. If Amis were to read this, I'm sure she'd find what I wrote slightly disturbing.

(S10E03) "Oh my God, I'm getting so annoyed with all of these girls!" - Allison

The full quote was too long to put here in the intro. Allison went on to say that she wants to strangle all of the other girls on regular basis and that she's not really threatened by any of them. Allison is convinced that she's light years ahead of everyone else thanks to all the experience she's had modeling in her lengthy 19 years of life.

While Allison is an extremely pretty girl, she's just got to go! The I'm-so-much-better-than-these-other-girls attitude she's been displaying since day one pretty much makes her the ugliest girl on the show, and that's saying a lot with Dominique still in the running. Can I get an "oh snap"?

(S10E02) I'm still a bit shocked that Tyra went through all the trouble of opening up the competition to 14 girls this season and out of everyone she could have selected, she went with Dominique.

I mean, I admit that Dominique is a little bit exotic looking, but so were the baboons I saw the last time I went to the zoo. Umm, that came out wrong. That was horribly insulting to all the innocent baboons of the world. I take it back.

I kid, I kid. Dominique isn't that unattractive, I just don't think she was the right choice for this competition. It almost seems like the only reason she's there is so the judges can crack drag queen jokes about her all episode long.

(S10E01) It seems like only yesterday I was making fun of the "corpse bride" Jenah's slightly crooked teeth, and Victoria's all too annoying superiority complex during cycle 9 of America's Next Top Model.

While I'll miss the crazy group of girls we had last year, I'm absolutely thrilled that I've got a whole new group of people to poke fun at with cycle 10.

We're more than a month away from the cycle 10 premiere of America's Next Top Model, but it's never too early to get a little taste of what the next season will bring, right?

Of course not, and that's why I'm thankful The CW was kind enough to release the names of this cycles 14 finalists and a sparse number of details about the season.

Click onward to get a brief glimpse of the 14 catty women who will bite, claw, and accost their way to a $100,000 modeling deal with CoverGirl and a six-page fashion spread in Seventeen magazine.

(S04E03) I'm always amazed at just how much programming ABC is able to mine from Dancing With The Stars. The performance recap show that led up to the live results show was another good example. Not that there's anything wrong with it. I'm guessing that when the numbers come in that recap show will do two, if not three, times as many viewers as George Lopez and According To Jim would in the same slot.

(S04E02) Two weeks in and I have to say that this is a pretty good group of contestants. The new format with two weeks of performances before the first elimination was a good idea. Sometimes a contestant just doesn't handle a particular dance well, so it's nice to see them get a second shot. Lots of contestants, so a lot to cover. Let's get to it.

Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough (Quick Step) - At its base, the show is about the "Stars." The partners certainly factor in though, and I continue to be impressed with Julianne. She might be just 18 years old, but she carries herself as well as any of the other pros. It doesn't hurt that she is absolutely adorable either. Apollo has officially impressed me now. I didn't have high expectations for him coming in, but he really shows the potential to be a contender. Len said Apollo is going to stay for weeks and weeks. Bruno called it cool, fresh, young, and exciting. Carrie Ann was impressed with the footwork and sync. High praise all around, and deservedly so. The scores, (8, 9, 9) I like that score. A great start to the night.

(S04E01) Another season of Dancing With The Stars is upon us, and I could not be more excited. Some important changes have been made this time around. Contestants were given four weeks to practice for the premiere instead of six, and there will be two weeks of dancing before the first elimination. The premiere was entertaining and surprising, as always. Let's get right to it!

Ian Ziering and Cheryl Burke (Cha Cha Cha) - It's tough to be the first dancers of the night, but Ian and Cheryl did a tremendous job. Their energetic performance included some decent footwork; those two definitely know how to have fun and work the crowd. Cheryl's hair was gorgeous, as usual, but I wasn't a fan of the Ziering facial hair. The judges gave Ian some technical criticism, but the pair walked away with a fair score of 21 (Carrie: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 7).