TVSquad

(S21E05) I've been waiting all season for this episode. As a long-lapsed fan of The Simpsons, it was beginning to look like someone had sucked the heart right out of Springfield's first family. Maybe they have, for the most part, but everything that made The Simpsons such a great show 20 years ago was there tonight.

Maybe it was that we finally got to see Mr. Burns again; he was always my favorite. Yes, he only had a bit part, and in fact the part of maniacal boss was played by Carl instead of Burns, but his presence set up the stories of the entire episode. I'll go so far as to say everything about that episode worked, from Marge's sexy calendar to Ned Flander's role in the final moments.

Even the brief encounters with Bart at school fed the main story, and were handled perfectly. This is what The Simpsons is capable of, and despite a few moments that were a bit more crass than I recall the Simpsons of yore being, it was classic Simpsons all over again.

If this report is true, that Michael Jackson's kids are indeed going to star in the new Jackson family reality show on A&E, then I guess I have to revise my view on who are the sane members of the family and who aren't.

US says that Prince, Paris, and Prince Michael "Blanket" Jackson will costar in The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty, which will premiere in December. The magazine says that Janet Jackson gave the thumbs up to the kids appearing in the show. I always thought she would be one who would say no to something like this. Older sister Rebbie doesn't want the kids to appear in the show and won't appear in the show herself.

You can really tell that the holiday season is coming by the commercials you see on TV. I'm not just talking about the Norelco sled in the snow or the K-Mart layaway pitches. I'm talking about the high end, classy jewelry and perfume commercials that are there to give guys ideas about what to give their spouses.

One of the most beautiful perfume ads I've seen in a long time has been getting a lot of exposure lately. It's for Chanel N°5 with the French actress Audrey Tautou. You probably have seen it, but might remember it more if I tell you about the music. It's a very soulful, bluesy rendition of "I'm A Fool To Want You."

I'm sure most of you are glued to your TVs for news of what happened to Air France flight 447, which disappeared over the Atlantic yesterday while en route from Buenos Aires Rio to Paris. Not only is any major accident like that a fascinating, newsworthy event, but the added mystery of the plane's disappearance makes the story even more compelling.

Some of you reading this may have friends or family among the 228 people on the flight, which makes this a personal tragedy for a lot of people. But if you listen to the news media, it seems like most of the people who have been potentially lost on the flight aren't such a big deal. After all, "there were two Americans" on that flight, you see, and, as far as the U.S. media is concerned, their loss is more of a tragedy than the loss of any of the others.

Pamela Anderson is taking it off. Okay, so that's not anything new. Basically, the whole world has seen this Baywatch babe's goodies. However, if you wanted to see her goodies LIVE you could go to Paris next week.

Reuters is reporting that Anderson will do a nude revue in France at the famous Crazy Horse cabaret. The actress will do a striptease on a Harley Davidson, a piece choreographed especially for her by the Crazy Horse. However, according to FoxNews.com, Anderson will be dancing to a song called "Harley Davidson" by Serge Gainsbourg. Maybe it's just both. The song. The Harley. The Pamela.

Fox also reports that it is not settled yet as to whether Anderson will be nude on stage. But, it's not like she's a bashful girl.

While Pamela Anderson has been performing in magic show stateside, this will be her first European stage performance. She is doing four shows on February 13th and 14th.

Heartbreak in Hollywood! Well, that's what I would say if I wrote for Entertainment Tonight.

Those two cute House co-stars who got engaged earlier this year have called off their relationship. Jesse Spencer proposed to Jennifer Morrison over the holidays at the Eiffel Tower in Paris. They were set to wed later this year, but People magazine reports they have called it off. The couple's official statement says they "remain close".

In other prime time relationship news, last season's Bachelor couple have called off their engagement.

This is wrong on so many levels. According to today's Page Six, the fourth season of The Simple Life will feature Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton playing camp counselors at five different camps over a five week period. One of those camps is a "wellness camp," which emphasizes proper eating and exercise, or as the producers have been calling it, "fat camp."

Sending Richie, the poster child for eating disorders, into a "fat camp" is just plain obscene, not to mention dangerous. "Proper eating" consists of more than laxatives and Red Bull, and Paris is no wellness champ either unless, of course, your idea of "wellness" involves mixing a line of blow with Strawberry Quik to balance its bitter aftertaste - last year's trend among Hollywood's starlet set. But, I'm not giving the kids at these camps enough credit. They're not stupid. Maybe, they'll even teach Paris and Nicole a thing or two - like how to ingest solid foods.

(S07E07) Thanks for ruining things, Mike.

I'm talking to Mike Ausiello, TV Guide's resident Gilmore Girls fan and spoiler king. Because he had well-placed moles over at GG (he was an extra there, after all), he revealed a big-ass plot point from this episode a few weeks ago, and by the time it wrapped around the Internets, even spoiler-averse people like me knew what was going to happen tonight. So the surprise wasn't there at all.

(By the way, I like Mike. Even interviewed him once. Nice fella. But he's gotten so big that it's hard to avoid his spoilers, even if you want to.)

American Idol is the number one TV show of people aged 2 to 11.

After you let that little factoid sink in for a few minutes, click on over to The Boston Globe's article about how babies love American Idol. The writer talks about her 21 month year old daughter's obsession with Paris Bennett and Bucky Covington. She's not a big Taylor fan though.

I don't think it's the singing, I think babies tune in for the reason a lot of adults do: they're wondering what crazy-ass thing Paula Abdul is going to do next.

Paris' wardrobe choices? Silly. Paula's jewelry? Weird. Taylor's dance moves? Silly weird. Another great night to be an American Idol fanatic! And when I say "great," I mean "freaking bizarre!" As far as musical talent goes, this was no musical standards/Rod Stewart needs a plug night.

But tonight was completely entertaining.

Pickler's gone! I'm not nearly as torn up about that as I would have imagined I would have been if I knew that 3 months ago. She came across as way too ditzy and not nearly as innocent as we had all originally thought. Plus, I've heard she's absolutely hell on wheels in real life. Oh and her singing yada yada yada, but let's be honest, that's not what this competition is about. Come join me and the rest of the American Idol fanatics tonight as we chat live during the show. As with all of our chats, you must have AIM or a compatible chat client (Trillian, GAIM, etc), once you have that, meet back here to this very post at 8pm ET, and that's when I'll unveil the location for our super secret chat room. See you then!

Update:
Come one, come all;  here is the super secret location for our American Idol Chat! Look for me (TVSRyan) in the chat room. See you inside.

Disclaimer: All or parts of the discussion in this chatroom may be posted in a later column on this site.

Funny post over at EW's PopWatch blog, printing the eloquent, beautiful poetry/reviews of singers from American Idol judge Randy Jackson. On Chris Daughtry:

Yo, yo
Yo, yo
Amazing, amazing
Loved the jacket
Loved you
Amazing

Actually, I'd much rather see Paula's rambling in poetry form.

She did indeed butcher that song last night. She sounded like someone trying to do a sexy song for a Disney cartoon about animals.

Chris, Paris, Taylor, and Katherine all did great. I'm not the biggest Chris fan because I think if he wins he'll do songs that sound like Creed or Lifehouse, and I'd rather jam pencils in my ears, but he sang that song perfectly. Taylor and Katherine both did really well, and Paris? Paula actually nailed it (yeah, surprising!) when she said that Paris should release an album of standards. I said that on the night Paris auditioned. She really sings that type of song great, and it will make her timeless. I hope they don't ruin her by making her a "pop" star.

The bottom three will probably be Kellie (definitely), Eliott, and Ace. If Kellie stays, the voters are insane, and I'm never watching this show again. (Elliott and Ace will be going home in the coming weeks though - no way they'll win).

Oh, and on another note: how in the world was last night a "Rod Stewart Night?" Seriously, the guy releases a few albums of standards and that qualifies as "Rod Stewart night?" Maybe they should have just called it "American Standards Night" or something. But I guess they want the big name and want to push his album. Hell, a few years ago, Pat Boone released a album of hard rock covers. If they have a "Pat Boone Night," will it be all hard rock songs?

Stewart was right when at one point he said "you sang that better than I do!" Um, yeah Rod, everyone sings these songs better than you.

This is the part of the season where Ryan gets creative with his elimination torture. Seacrest is the master of the long and tedious elimination. I wonder if, when he was in high school, he put his girl(?)friends through the same emotional rollercoaster ride before telling them that they would not be his prom date. Naw, no way. Seacrest was probably too nice a guy, too much of a dork to ask any girl to prom.

I will not put you through that same amount of torture -- Mandisa is out. I'm surprised, but not saddened by it. She was a great performer, but just didn't have enough personality to take her all the way. And what she lacked in personality, she made up for in big booty. Big boobs can get you to the top, but not a big butt. A big butt can only get you to about the middle. (Unless you're riding the coattails of P. Diddy...cough, cough....J.Lo) Plus, with Elliott and Paris joining her in the bottom three, no way was I rooting for Mandisa to stay.

You know who should have been in the bottom three? Kenny Rogers. He just doesn't have it anymore. I could make a lame he needs to "know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em" joke here, but I'm not. Instead, I'm going to abruptly change the subject, and even more abruptly end this post. When is it going to be Dolly Parton night on American Idol? How great would it be to have Dolly Parton on? Her and Kellie could have a calamari giggle-off.

If reality television stars can't find true love through liquor and hot tubs, is there any hope for the rest of us? It's true, the latest happy couple created on ABC's The Bachelor is splitsville. Despite professing mutual admiration for each other when The Bachelor concluded last month, it turns out that Travis Stork and Sarah Stone weren't meant to be. Stork gave Stone a diamond ring on a necklace during the season finale on Feb. 27th, but didn't propose. He just said he wanted to return to Nashville (hometown for both of them) to see how it goes. Of course, that actual interaction happened in November and the two haven't been allowed to see each other or date until the season finale aired last month. Stork and Stone follow a long line of The Bachelor couples who haven't made it. In fact, the only couple that survives is The Bachelorette's Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter, who married in December 2003.