TVSquad

If you haven't seen our game before, we give you a picture from a recent episode of a TV series and you provide the caption! Last week we had a picture from Paris Hilton's My New BFF. The winner was Butters with this:

Upon hearing that the Star Trek movie was popular Paris tries to jump on the bandwagon by putting up her hand and saying "Live strong and a porpoise, or whatever".

This week we have a picture from The Tonight Show. Conan and a giant statue. Photo is after the jump.

That's not a euphemism and I'm not being cute. Paris Hilton actually made lasagna for Jimmy Kimmel after a recent appearance on his show. Well, supposedly. Kathy Griffin isn't buying it. She explains to Jimmy what she thinks actually happened.

• At 8, ABC has a new Jimmy Kimmel Live, followed by the Magic/Lakers game.
• NBC has the Penguins/Red Wings game at 8.
• TCM has High Noon at 8.
• At 9, FOX has a new Mental.
• Discovery has a new Deadliest Catch at 9.
• At 10, FX has a new Rescue Me.
• Bravo has a new Real Housewives of New Jersey at 10.
• History Channel has a new Life After People at 10.
• There's a new Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern at 10.
• Spike has a new ECW at 10.
• Also at 10: MTV has a new Paris Hilton's My New BFF.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

For four seasons on Bravo, Kathy Griffin has been trying to crawl her way off of what she called "The D-List," taking humiliating gigs and opening up a lot of her personal life to the cameras to try to get some attention. Truthfully, though, Griffin has been off of the D-List for quite some time, which makes tonight's season five premiere of My Life on the D-List (8 PM, Bravo) a bit puzzling. What list is she on now?

Griffin has now won two Emmys for the D-List, had a string of popular stand-up specials on Bravo, and her comedy album For Your Consideration, was nominated for a Grammy this year (she lost to George Carlin's It's Bad For Ya). And this season features appearances by Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell, T.I., Bette Midler, Lily Tomlin, and Christina Aguilera - quite a cast for someone supposedly fighting obscurity. Plus, her book Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin, hits stores in September on Ballantine Books.

Paris Hilton really needs to rename her show. Brittany Flickinger was her "best friend forever" after the first season, but they don't talk anymore. Then she filmed a season in the UK to find her "British best friend," at least keeping "forever" out of that title. She's got a second season starting tonight in the US, and now we're going to get a new season of My New BFF in the United Arab Emirates as well. Though, apparently UAE officials are making sure Paris' wild ways don't make it through customs.

She's also interested in having BFFs in other parts of the world, so really she's just building an international posse. Plus, with her track record so far, it's more likely that these are just BFFN "best friend for now," or perhaps PITFTPBRIJDTFTMAFAIDTTSIGAC "people I'll tolerate for the press but really I'm just doing this for the money and fame and I'll drop them the second I get a chance." So check out the second season of Paris Hilton's My New PITFTPBRIJDTFTMAFAIDTTSIGAC premiering on MTV tonight at 10 Eastern, and see who she'll drop next.

• At 8, ABC has two new episodes of According To Jim (including the series finale), followed by Earth 2100.
• NBC has a new I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Outta Here at 8, then Inside The Obama White House: Brian Williams Reports and the season finale of Law and Order: SVU.
• Versus has the Penguins/Red Wings game at 8.
• TCM has It Happened One Night at 8, then Mr. Smith Goes To Washington.
• At 9, FOX has a new Mental.
• The CW has a new Hitched or Ditched at 9.
• G4 has a sneak peek at Web Soup at 9.
• Discovery has a new Deadliest Catch at 9, followed by a new Man vs. Wild (with Will Ferrell).
• At 10, FX has a new Rescue Me.
• Bravo has a new Real Housewives of New Jersey at 10.
• History Channel has a new Life After People.
• Sci-Fi has a new ECW at 10.
• Travel Channel has a new Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern at 10.
• Also at 10: MTV has the season premiere of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Does she get a new best friend every year?

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

Ricky Gervais was on The Late Show with David Letterman on Friday and told a story about writing a letter to President Obama. Was it about the Iraq War or the economy or the environment? No, actually it was about something equally serious that has been troubling him. (Video also here.)

I don't usually watch the CBS Monday night comedy lineup anyway (I watch Chuck and Heroes), but even if I did I think I might want to skip tonight's episodes, or at least put the mute on during the commercial breaks.

In a move that is probably more about promoting Craig Ferguson's show during the debut week of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Ferguson and Paris Hilton will host the CBS lineup tonight. That means that at the start of (and probably during the middle of) Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, and Rules of Engagement, Hilton and Ferguson will be shown sitting on a couch, watching the lineup along with viewers, probably making funny and/or sexually suggestive comments. They're already running a promo that shows Hilton saying "that's hot." Ugh.

Not sure if they're also going to host the only drama in the lineup, CSI: Miami. If you are regular viewers of the comedies, I'd just like to say: I'm sorry.

The late night war is officially back on, folks, and it's about to get nasty because Paris Hilton has become CBS' weapon of choice.

Craig Ferguson and his Late Late Show crew plan to turn the tables on Jimmy Fallon's first foray into his late night territory by launching a cluster of MOABs at NBC that are packed to the brim with Paris.

And no, we don't mean Ferguson literally plans to launch Paris into the Late Night offices where she will unleash her demon whore spawn and turn Fallon's staff into a grisly smorgasbord of bloody flesh and gnarled bones. Let's be realistic. Paris would just hire someone to do that for her.

It's probably a little too late to mention this, but you could ring in the New Year with Paris Hilton at the Trademark night club in Sydney, Australia, and it will only cost you $129.

That's just one of the many celeb ways you can toast to 2009. You could also party with Lindsay Lohan at Mansion night club in Miami for $200. Her girlfriend friend significant other publicity partner Samantha Ronson will be the one spinning the records. How about going to Las Vegas and spending $200 to party with Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz? You could also spend the night with Spencer and Heidi (from The Hills, if you don't know). Actually that sounds like the most depressing New Year's Eve ever, so don't do that.

You could also ring in 2009 at my house. You won't have to spend the above amounts, though I might ask you to pitch in for some bags of Doritos (Nacho Cheese flavor). I'll have Dick Clark, Anderson Cooper, and Kathy Griffin at my house.* Happy New Year!

*via television

... Twelve shows a stinkin'

That aroma tickling your nose is not one from an oven full of fresh gingerbread cookies. No, it's from a television full of burned-out ideas and gutted hulks of viewers who can't take the crap that is heaped upon them. That's because, more than ever, there is a lot of stink on the television landscape. Most of it is due to inordinate amounts of reality programming which has flooded the market. The rest is due to the lack of new ideas for an industry that is rapidly changing.

In order to start our annual Festivus countdown we have compiled a scientifically proven list of 12 shows just stinking up the flat screen. And, when I say 'scientifically proven' I mean I just asked a bunch of people off the street about shows they disliked. So, it's as accurate as it possibly can be. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll have opinions, one way or another, on these shows and others not on the list. So, if you have your nose plugs, let's begin.

• At 8, CBS has a new Survivor.
• ABC has A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving again at 8.
• TBS has four Friends Thanksgiving episodes starting at 8.
• Cartoon Network has a new Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends movie at 8.
• Also at 8: ESPN has College Football, Texas A&M vs. Texas.
• At 9, CNN has CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute.
  
• HGTV has a new Rate My Space at 9.
  
• Nickelodeon has two Thanksgiving episodes of Home Improvement at 9.
• Spike has a new TNA Impact! at 9.
• Hallmark has the movie An Old-Fashioned Thanksgiving at 9.
• At 10, HGTV has a new House Hunters.
• MTV has a new Paris Hilton's My New BFF at 10.
• Current TV has the special Thanksgiving Countdown: 25 Pods We're Thankful For at 10.
  
• At 11, Lifetime has a two-part Will & Grace Thanksgiving episode, then a Frasier Thanksgiving episode.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

• At 8, ABC has A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, then the season finale of Dancing with the Stars.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, followed by new episodes of The Mentalist and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new Biggest Loser at 8, then a new Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has new episodes of House and Fringe.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8, then a new Frontline.
• At 9, Bravo has a new Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion show, followed by the season premiere of The Real Housewives of Orange County.
  
• History Channel has a new episode of The Universe at 9.
• Sci-Fi has a new ECW at 9, then a new Cha$e.
• At 10, FX has the series finale of The Shield.
• Comedy Central repeats A Colbert Christmas at 10.
• MTV has a new Paris Hilton's My New BFF at 10.
• Also at 10: Travel Channel has a new Thanksgiving episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern.
• At 11, TBS has a new Frank TV.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

• At 8, ABC has It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, followed by new episodes of Dancing with the Stars and Eli Stone.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of The Mentalist and Without A Trace.
• NBC has new episodes of The Biggest Loser and Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has a new House at 8.
• The CW has a new 90210 at 8, followed by a new Privileged.
• There's a new Lincoln Heights at 8, then the midseason finale of Greek.
• TCM has Sunset Boulevard at 8.
• At 9, Sci-Fi has a new ECW, followed by two new episodes of Scare Tactics.
• ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker starting at 9.
• Fine Living has a new Whatever, Martha at 9.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9.
• At 10, FX has a new episode of The Shield.
• Bravo has a new Real Housewives of Atlanta at 10.
• MTV has a new Paris Hilton: My New BFF at 10.
• VH-1 has the series premiere of Coolio's Rules at 10.
• At 11, TBS has a new Frank TV.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

• At 8, ABC has a new Opportunity Knocks, followed by a new Dancing with the Stars and the season premiere of Eli Stone.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of The Mentalist and Without A Trace.
• NBC has new episodes of The Biggest Loser and Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has a new House at 8, then a new Fringe.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8, followed by a new Frontline.
• ABC Family has a new Lincoln Heights at 8, then a new Greek.
• At 8:40, BBC America has a new Gavin & Stacey.
• At 9, Bravo has a new Real Housewives of Atlanta.
• CNBC has the special The Nuclear Option at 9.
• There's a new Dirty Jobs on Discovery at 9.
• Sci-Fi has a new ECW at 9, followed by two new episodes of Scare Tactics.
• Also at 9: ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• At 10, FX has a new episode of The Shield.
• MTV has the season premiere of Paris Hilton: My New BFF at 10.
• IFC has a new episode of The IT Crowd.
• Travel Channel has a new Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.