TVSquad

That's not a euphemism and I'm not being cute. Paris Hilton actually made lasagna for Jimmy Kimmel after a recent appearance on his show. Well, supposedly. Kathy Griffin isn't buying it. She explains to Jimmy what she thinks actually happened.

• At 8, ABC has a new, two-hour Bachelorette, followed by a new Here Come The Newlyweds.
• NBC has a new, two-hour I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here at 8, then a new Dateline.
• ABC Family has the season finale of Greek at 8.
• USA has a new Monday Night RAW at 8.
• At 9, TNT has a new episode of The Closer, followed by a new Raising The Bar.
• TLC has a new Jon & Kate Plus 8 at 9.
• Also at 9: HBO has the premiere of Joe Buck Live.
• At 9:30, TCM has On The Waterfront.
• At 10, Showtime has a new Weeds, then a new Nurse Jackie.
• Bravo has a new Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List at 10.
  
• Food Network has a new Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives at 10.
• There's a new 4th & Long on Spike at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk shows.

This is a clip from an upcoming episode of My Life on the D-List. Kathy Griffin goes to see one her idols, Lily Tomlin, and then the two go out to dinner. But the interesting part of the clip is when Griffin talks about having a ten year ban on Late Night with Conan O'Brien and how it was just lifted (I assume this was filmed before Conan took over The Tonight Show). Griffin appears tonight on Letterman's show for the first time in twelve years so that ban was lifted too.

You've gotta admit: tramps are fun. Their boozy, often promiscuous antics are the life of any party. Whether you're cheering them on or witnessing their antics with horror, tramps make any situation interesting. The same goes for TV shows. From Blanche DuBois to, well, most of The Real World cast members after season 3 or so, the television landscape has been filled with entertainingly trampy characters.

They may steal your husband, dance on a bar, or just generally leave a path of destruction in their wake. Whatever it is, it's sure to be memorable. For this reason, TV tramps are not to be looked down upon; they are to be revered. So consider this list a tribute: a tribute to TV's biggest tramps. May they never reexamine the path their life has taken.

The Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards -- affectionately known as the Shmemmys to Kathy Griffin fans -- has at least one more viewer this year. I will be watching the other Emmy presentation, the awards that come before the Primetime Emmys. The big one with all the major categories, musical numbers, clip montages and near-mandatory attendance by the nominees is the Emmys. The other one is the technical awards. But I will be watching for a very good reason: Neil Patrick Harris and Sarah Chalke will be co-hosting the Creative Arts Emmys this year on the E! channel, September 20.

Neil, an Emmy nominee for How I Met Your Mother, and Sarah, who is also a guest/semi-regular on Mother as well as a permanent regular on Scrubs, are a great choice for this gig. They're smart, funny, quick, attractive and maybe even unpredictable.

I mean, wouldn't it be a hoot if Neil came on stage in his Dr. Horrible gear and asked Sarah if her Hanes undies were riding up or doing their job? She should then counter and ask him about that smell, you know ... the Old Spice? Hey, maybe they should get Bruce Campbell to confront Neil about the Old Spice deal -- that was Bruce's commercial before Neil took over!

Kathy Griffin may be the ultimate D-lister, but the Emmy-winning star of Bravo's reality hit Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List, is really a smart cookie in my book. She told TV's Extra that she turned down Dancing with the Stars, a top-drawer, sort of B-list opportunity. "I have a hard offer for Dancing with the Stars," she revealed, adding that it's not for her. "I can't even touch my toes!"

Now, before you think Kathy was being haughty or superior, to me she was just being smart. While appearing on Dancing with the Stars would be a great chance for exposure, appearing on DWTS is one of the toughest gigs in show business. I hand it to Kathy for knowing her limitations. The kind of physical workout involved is just too much, especially if you figure that you're likely to embarrass yourself. I mean, what did a stint on DWTS do for Penn Jillette?

It was an historic occasion yesterday last Thursday on NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, didn't you know? The lady who lives to be banned -- and re-banned in the case of The View -- Kathy Griffin appeared as Jay Leno's guest. What's the big deal?

Well, if you recall the first season of Kathy's show, Bravo's My Life on the D List, the comic was rather brutally insulted by Jay when he called her ugly, and in the subsequent episodes of the show, Kathy revealed that she was put on The Tonight Show's "do not invite list."

And yet, the other night, there was Kathy in the prime seat, chatting it up with Jay, dissing celebrities as is her wont, and generally looking like the D List is now just the title of her show, not her true show business status.

When I look at some of the people who have emerged as today's biggest stars on TV, I scratch my head and wonder, "how did that happen?" There are a few stars who have completely exceeded my expectations -- and I bet yours, too. In fact, after you read my five (no cell phone pun intended), I'm betting that you'll have a few more overachievers to add to the list.

1) Ty Pennington
I'm not ashamed to admit that for a couple of years I was hooking on TLC's Trading Spaces. It may have been the perky Paige Davis, the home improvement on a $1,000, the cool things that the designers did in just 24 hours -- whatever it was, I was a regular viewer. Oh, yes, there was also a carpenter on the show named Ty Pennington.

• At 8, ABC has another Celtics/Lakers game.
• CBS has a new Million Dollar Password (with Betty White!) at 8.
• FOX has a new Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? at 8, then a new So You Think You Can Dance.
• Also at 8: Cartoon Network has a new Chowder, then a new Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack.
• At 8:30, NBC has a new Last Comic Standing, followed by a new Fear Itself.
• At 9, TBS has the season premiere of The Bill Engvall Show, then the season premiere of My Boys.
• Bravo has the season premiere of My Life on the D List at 9, followed by The A List Awards.
• Spike has a new TNA Impact at 9.
• At 10, CBS has a new Swingtown.
• At 10:30, Comedy Central has a new Reno 911.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 8, NBC has a new, two-hour America's Got Talent.
• FOX has a new On The Lot at 8.
• Also at 8: TCM has The Bigamist, with Edmond O'Brien, Joan Fontaine, and Ida Lupino, followed by Outrage with Tod Anderews and Mala Powers (who passed away two weeks ago).
• The Bourne Identity airs on USA at 8:30.
• At 9, PBS has a new Frontline/World.
• ABC has Shaq's Big Challenge at 9, then a new Primetime.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9.
• Lifetime has the new movie Abducted at 9.
• At 10, TLC has a new Miami Ink.
• Bravo has a new Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List at 10.
• There's a new ECW on Sci-Fi at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 8, FOX has a new On The Lot.
• ABC has a new Fast Cars & Superstars at 8.
• NBC has a new, two-hour America's Got Talent at 8.
• There's a new Nova on PBS at 8, then a new Frontline.
• TCM has On Dangerous Ground at 8, then While The City Sleeps.
• At 9, A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter.
• The History Channel has a new The Universe at 9.
• The Travel Channel has a new John Ratzenberger's Made in America.
• At 10, TLC has a new Miami Ink.
• A&E has two new episodes of Criss Angel Mindfreak starting at 10.
• Also at 10: Bravo has a new Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 8, FOX has a new On The Lot.
• NBC has a new two-hour America's Got Talent at 8.
• ABC has a new Fast Cars & Superstars at 8, then the NBA finals.
• At 9, Lifetime has the new movie A Family Lost.
• There's a new Dog The Bounty Hunter at 9.
• The History Channel has a new episode of The Universe at 9.
• At 9:30, Food Network has a new Road Tasted, in Philadelphia.
• At 10, Comedy Central has Brian Regan: Standing Up.
• Bravo has a new Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List at 10.
• Sci-Fi has a new ECW at 10.
• Also at 10: TLC has the season premiere of Miami Ink.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Kathy Griffin recently announced on The View that she wants to date again, but this time she's not going to do it for love, she's going to do it for publicity. She's asking her fans to go to OffTheDList.com and vote for one of the following men:

• Sanjaya
• Kevin Federline
• Mario Lopez
• Larry Birkhead
• Prince William

Because he stole $72,000 from her.

That's the claim that Griffin made to Larry King, in an interview that has already been taped by hasn't aired yet. She says that her ex-husband Matt, who has been featured in her Bravo reality show My Life On The D List, was sneaking into her wallet while she slept and stealing cash and her ATM card.

Yikes.

The divorce actually became final in May, so maybe we'll be seeing that coming up on the show soon. It's interesting because in her last standup special, she told the audience that they were separated but were working on getting back together. I guess this was the last straw? This also comes after news that Janet Charleton broke, that Griffin and her husband haven't been living together and the scenes of him living in the home on the Bravo show were staged to make it look like he was still living there.

That's what gossip queen Janet Charleton is alleging in her latest post. She says that even though Griffin has said on her standup special and elsewhere that she and husband Matt are working things out, the two have actually been living apart for quite some time, and the scenes you see of him living in her home aren't true. He comes into the house to film scenes for My Life on the D List, but then he leaves again when the filming is done.

Charleton says that the couple's marriage is over. Hmmm...

[via TV Tattle]