TVSquad

(S10E10) I accidentally went through last weeks entire recap without a single mention of Lauren going straight Ginsu on her thumb.

I figured I shouldn't make the same mistake two weeks in a row so decided to intro with Anya's faceplant on a brick street..

We heard the requisite record play scratch immediately after she fell. We got Anya's diary room explanation of how it went down (literally). And we got to watch one girl out of five turn around and help Anya pry her mandible from the ground.

(S09E13) If I were going to pick one word to express my feelings about the season finale of America's Next Top Model I'd probably have to go with "disappointed".

For starters, Heather is arguably one of the most popular contestants to participate in one of these modeling competitions. I think it's a travesty that she didn't make it to the final three based solely on this popularity.

I'm convinced there needs to be some sort of fan element to this contest that extends beyond the generic "America's CoverGirl of the week" shtick we see every week that doesn't really amount to anything more than a pat on the back.

(S09E11) I don't even feel like it's a modeling competition anymore. I feel like it's a personality competition and that pisses me off cause it's like, I'm killing it. - Jenah

Has Jenah been popping obnoxious pills when the cameras aren't filming? Have countless days without nicotine finally gotten the best of her brain? Where did this cocky little person come from? I'm really not sure, but I do know she not acting like the same relatively well-mannered girl I came to know and love this cycle and that's a real shame because she was a shoe in to make it to the finals of this thing.

Her interaction with Nigel was irritating, her quote from above was grating, and her comment later in the show about how well she would do if she had Heather's dress made me want to strangle her.

(S09E10) It's a brand new leg of the competition and the girls have a whole new set of challenges to face if they want to prove themselves worthy of the crown of America's Next Top Model.

Want to know what hasn't changed? Bianca and Saleisha's continued mistreatment of "the corpse bride."

I guess it was a little naive of me to think that a journey halfway around the globe would alter the way Bianca and Saleisha treat Heather, but a part of me thought that the change in scenery could potentialy temper their disdain for the girl.

(S09E09) Although the screencap above may lead you to believe Heather's parents forgot to get her the Tetanus vaccination when she was a toddler, that's actually not the case.

What Heather is suffering from is much worse than a simple case of lockjaw and I imagine it can cause an equal amount of embarrassment, humiliation, and discomfort.

She doesn't have TMJ, she's not addicted to making the "O Face" at inopportune times, and she's not battling a bizarre compulsion to consume every gnat that flies within a 12 inch radius of her head - which is kind of a shame because that would be really funny.

(S09E08) This was the best episode of America's Next Top Model ever and I'm not just saying that because it featured beautiful girls in skin tight body suits who simulated stripper moves against a mirror and crawled seductively on all fours...

Who am I kidding? That is exactly why this was the best episode in the history of the show, and the only thing I find unfortunate is that it took nine and a half cycles to attain this level of perfection.

Between the flesh-toned body suits and the piece-part outfits the models wore during the video shoot, I was actually fearful that my eyes might pop out of their sockets and roll towards the television set just so they could get a better look.

(S09E07) With the exception of the highly entertaining chest bumping competition that occurred between Chantal and Bianca, there wasn't a whole lot of useful information in this cycle's recap show.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not a fan of recap shows. This is especially the case when they air a measly six episodes into a season. I realize that recaps allow people who've missed the first half of a season to get up to speed in a rapid manner.

At the same time, it enables casual viewers to skip out on the first half of a season because they know they can always rely on the recap show. It also punishes us loyal viewers who watch the show religiously.

(S09E05) On average, there are at least three instances I find myself laughing out loud every time I watch an episode of America's Next Top Model.

This cycle, most of the laughs seem to come at the expense of poor old Heather, but it's not a "ha ha, she's so pathetic, why does she even bother" type of laugh. It's more of a "she's awkwardly adorable and I kind of hope she wins" kind of a laugh.

I've also got her completely figured out. Heather is an excellent model, but only when she isn't moving. If we could get a taxidermist to stuff her and find an animatronics expert to install some circuitry in her face to simulate facial expressions, she'd be the winner of this thing hands down.

(S09E04) Tonight's episode of America's Next Top Model had the potential to be the perfect storm of cycle 9.

From the title alone you could tell it was going to be the makeover show which is always an entertaining affair. You could also tell that one of the models was going to lose all of her hair which was certain to lead to uncontrollable sobbing, threats of suicide, and/or the assassination of a hair stylist.

It also ended up being the nude shoot where the uncomfortable models flash ample skin and the producers have to blur out multiple body parts to maintain the show's PG-13 content.

(S09E03) We're already at episode three of America's Next Top Model, and there's a definite villain emerging among this season's group of girls.

Had you asked me at the beginning who I thought the evil one was going to be, I'd have probably gone with Ebony. Turns out it's going to be Bianca, and I have a feeling she's going to make last cycle's resident demon (Renee) look like Mother Teresa when it's all said and done.

(S08E13) If anyone recalls, my wife and I made our picks on who would win America's Next Top Model after watching the first two episodes 13 weeks ago. She chose Jaslene, and I chose Renee.

The thing I failed to mention is that over the course of the season our friendly little competition turned into an epic wager with the victor winning the privilege of pooping in the loser's pillowcase.

Needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight.

(S08E11) It seems like only yesterday I began using this space to relentlessly make fun of 13 want-to-be models, and now we find ourselves already down to the final four. I feel a sad, little tear forming in the corner of my eye.

If Brittany were here, she'd probably cry with me.

Four remain. Which one of the girls will become America's Next Top Model?

(S08E11) Five models remain - Renee, Jaslene, Dionne, Natasha and Brittany. Who will be eliminated tonight?

If I was a betting man and judging from the previews and looking at the dainty tear falling from her eye in the picture to the right, I'd put my cash on Brittany.

I wish my own personal short term memory would help me forget her, but all throughout this episode the show edit kept reminding me that she's here and as annoying as ever. She played it up for the camera every opportunity she had. Has she really been this aggravating all season?

(S08E10) I'm a big fan of reality shows. I'm not so big a fan the recap that every reality show insists on airing mid-season, despite getting to see some behind the scenes footage.

The way I see it, if the clips weren't good enough to make it into a regular episode, why would I care to see them now?

I guess the recaps cater to those who can't get enough information on the series or to those that need to catch up on some of the action that they may have missed out on. I'm afraid I just don't fit into either category.

That being said, I was happy to get to relive the near fight between Wholahay and the model formerly known as the Antichrist.

Being a boxing fan, I'm pretty excited about the Mayweather vs De La Hoya fight coming up early next month, but if I was given the opportunity to watch the two moms duke it out on pay-per-view instead, I'd hop on it quicker than you can say "illegitimate child".

(S08E09) The CoverGirl commercial is inevitably the Hindenburg of every America's Next Top Model cycle.

All season it lingers in the background, threatening to set the whole series ablaze in a wholeheartedly entertaining inferno, and I looked forward to it with the glee of a chronic arsonist.

The best part was, we had four potential catalysts for fire this season.

First there's Natasha and her heavy Russian accent and broken English. Then there's Dionne "That's-Coo" Wholahay and the fact that she thinks Grammar is an actor on Cheers and Frasier.

Next, there's Jaslene who I've dubbed, "Double Neg" because I don't think I've never heard no one use no more double negatives in my life. Finally, we have the self-proclaimed "spreader of light", Jael. No need for me to beat her speaking habits into the ground any further.

Oh yes, this episode promised to be nuclear in proportions, and I sat eagerly in my living room with the champagne of beers and a fire extinguisher, ready to watch as the girls offended every Australian on the planet with their hideous Aussie accents.