TVSquad

I've been to a handful of comedy shows in my life, and I can't say I've ever seen a bona fide heckler. I have seen people who want to converse with the comedian during their set, which is probably just as annoying.

However, hecklers aren't only found in the back of comedy clubs. They've gotten under the skin of everyone from movie directors to sports figures to politicians, and the anonymity of the Web has allowed for even more of them to pop up on messageboards and forums to let everyone know just who sucks and who sucks even more. If there were a way to make money from telling creative people you don't like them and that they should die, we'd have a lot more millionaires.

The wheel of publicity spins round and round. On January 18th, Rosie O'Donnell complained on The View that American Idol's judges were too harsh. She described them as "three millionaires, one probably intoxicated." Really, much like her remarks about Trump's hair, that description of the show doesn't seem that far out of line with the general public's perception of American Idol or, at the very least, of Paula Abdul. Nevertheless, Simon Cowell felt compelled to reply. Rosie's remarks "smacked of 'I'll have a go at Donald Trump - good for ratings. That died down, so now I'll do American Idol.' Next week it will be, 'I don't like the dresses on Dancing with the Stars.'"

Now, Rosie is on a show whose entire conceit is to gab it up on the pop culture and current events of the day so it really shouldn't surprise anyone that she moved from Trump's Miss America moralism to American Idol. I just hope Rosie doesn't respond to Cowell with some weird comment. That's one playground news cycle nobody needs. It would be so much easier if he'd just pull her pigtails, and she'd just step on his GoBot.

(S18E09)

Homer: Why did you let that loser into our home?

Marge: I'll tell you why: Christian charity.

Homer: "Christian Charity?" What does a porn star have to do with this?

I was impressed with the overall holiday motif of this episode, especially the altered opening with snow, Christmas decor and Bart riding a snowboard (across dry pavement, even) rather than his usual skateboard.

(S18E08) At first glance, these newer episodes of The Simpsons are like a box of unbuttered popcorn mixed with M&Ms: even if the whole snack is rather bland, there's plenty of great bits tossed in. I loved Marge uncharacteristically whacking Bart with a wooden spoon, Homer's cry of "Woo hoo! Marital sex!", and Milhouse telling Bart it's better to walk in on both parents being intimate instead of just one of them.

(S18E06)

You'll never take me alive, Grim Reaper! --Grandpa Simpson

Damn, this episode had a lot of guest stars: Tom Wolfe, Michael Chabon, Jonathan Franzen and Gore Vidal*. Oh yeah, and John Updike and Thomas Pynchon both make cameos on a writer's panel, sans dialogue. Pynchon, whose book Gravity's Rainbow I actually heaved to the ground and did victory laps around because I finally made it through the damn thing, was decked out in his usual paper bag mask. The best guest appearance of all goes to J.K. Simmons, who reprised his role as the fast-talking editor from the Spider-Man movies, this time as the editor of a poetry publication. The man should do more voiceover work. Hell, bring him back for more episodes of The Simpsons, give him a reoccurring character like Fat Tony or Sideshow Bob.

If everyone was nice, life would get pretty boring, wouldn't it? The television landscape is full of characters who made shows more interesting by doing what they do best: annoying the living hell out of everyone else. There's a lot to choose from, so share some of your favorites in the comments. Below are some of my personal faves:

Major Frank Burns: Alan Alda gets a lot of credit for his acting chops and his portrayal of Hawkeye on M*A*S*H, but Larry Linville deserves just as much, if not more, credit for his role as Frank Burns during the show's early years. Yes, he was a jerk, and yes, he was self-centered and only cared about doing what was in his best interest, but beneath it all was a very real vulnerability, a man who still held on to the childhood notion that the world owed him something. Maintaining that balance is not easy, but Linville did it perfectly.

Bored on this lazy Sunday? Of course you are, so why not click here to watch the classic Twilight Zone episode "Living Doll" featuring the late Telly Savalas? In this episode, Savalas plays a man who isn't very nice to his wife or his step-daughter, and it seems his step-daughter's new doll doesn't care much for him, either. In fact, the doll is eeeeeeeeeeeevil. I mean, of course it is, this is the freakin' Twilight Zone. This episode was spoofed in the Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror segment "Clown Without Pity" in season four. I'm pretty sure the doll in this episode doesn't have a GOOD/EVIL switch on her back, though. That would have made things much easier.

Apparently, he sucks ass. At least, that's what a man has written on a sign which he held up behind Hannity's partner Alan Colmes during a live segment of Hannity and Colmes that was captured thanks to a Tivo user. The veracity of Hannity's alleged ass sucking notwithstanding, I think we can all agree it's just plain rude to do something like this in public. The best way to tell someone they suck ass is to write it inside a card, seal the card in an envelope, don a top hat and tails, and present it to them while bowing politely. This is all laid out in chapter 13 of Emily Post's 1922 book Etiquette; it's right after the chapter on how to inform someone they're a douchebag by sewing the word into a cloth napkin. Seriously, people.