TVSquad

I'll confess I can't stand peaches. I like the taste, but just thinking about touching the fuzz makes me shiver. But I don't think I would run out of the room if someone showed me a picture of one. But in one of the clips below from Maury, a man does just that.

And he's not the only one who has these phobias. Seems there are a lot more people out there who are afraid of things like balloons, chickens, and pickles than we thought. Though I wonder if any of these are put-ons. (Urlesque has more.)

The late eighties and early-to-mid nineties brought out some of the filthiest, bottom-feeding talk shows our country has ever seen. From Morton Downey Jr. and Sally Jesse Raphael to Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, it was the era when "trash TV" became a symbol of a country's swift spiral down one giant cultural toilet in opposition to people like Larry King and Oprah Winfrey, who effortlessly made interviews with, like, Fran Drescher come off looking like Masterpiece Theater.

Around the latter half of the "boom" came Ricki Lake, the formerly obese star of Hairspray (no, seriously, that was basically her résumé), with a show that combined the usual elements of trashy talk (read: "freaks") with something impossibly dumber yet: catchphrases. Unlike today, when it takes weeks to months for squawk-boxes to latch onto cultural buzzwords like "metrosexual" and "baby daddy," Ricki Lake was trotting out episode "subjects" like "You're not all that!" and "Dump that zero and get yourself a hero!"

Naturally, she was a smash.

Maybe my home town should offer tax incentives to the networks. It's working for Connecticut. Not only did NBC announce that the half-hour syndicated version of Deal or No Deal is returning for a second season with host Howie Mandel, but it will be relocating and filming in Connecticut.

I guess with a game show it doesn't matter where you film since it's the same set all the time, but are there as many incredibly gorgeous chicks in Connecticut as there are in California? Isn't Cali where they all go to see their dreams of being an actress reduced to standing on a stage next to a briefcase?

It's amazing how many bad talk shows there are on the air. I'm not talking about The Late Show with David Letterman or Late Night with Conan O'Brien or Jimmy Kimmel Live. Those are good shows, and if you clicked on this list expecting to find any of them, you're going to be disappointed. The shows I picked are the talk shows that deal in exploitation, human degradation, and feature terrible, terrible people. In short, daytime talk shows!

Well, OK, I did include one late night talk show, but you'll have to click after the jump to see which one it is.

1. Maury (syndicated). Really, was there any question that this would be number one? It shouldn't even be called Maury anymore, they should just go ahead and call it Paternity Tests!, since that is what it's most known for. Doesn't Povich have enough money? Can't he do something else in his life besides this show? What does Connie think of this? Who knows, considering she co-hosted one of the worst shows from a few years ago. If aliens watch our TV broadcasts and happen upon this show every single morning, we're all doomed.

During my senior year of college, my friend Ken, suffering through a tough job market right after he graduated, worked as a cook in the fraternity house in which he (and I) lived his college years. As he was preparing our lunches and dinners, he'd walk into the living room, see us slumped in front of whatever crap was on daytime TV at the time, and say, "Isn't Montel on or something?"

It became a bit of an inside joke that year. But even fifteen years ago, it seemed that Montel Williams' talk show was always on. But as of the end of this season, Montel is departing the syndicated airwaves, after 17 years.

That sound you hear is the planet dying, just a little bit.

The syndicated talk shows (and I use that term very, very loosely) Jerry Springer and Maury have been renewed through the 2010 season. Yes, that's right, for three more seasons. Springer will start its 17th season this fall and Maury its 10th.

That means we'll have three more glorious seasons of actors ordinary citizens throwing chairs at each other and wrestling and three more intriguing years of morons ordinary citizens taking paternity tests to see if they're the father of a woman's baby.

Maury Povich and Connie Chung are giving back to their community in Montana by launching an online newspaper, The Flathead Beacon.

It sounds like one of the locations on Lost ("Jack, you have to lead everyone to the flathead beacon or we'll never be rescued!), but The Flathead Beacon is a new daily online newspaper that Povich and Chung have recently launched. It promises to be really focused on life and business in Flathead Valley. In addition to the online edtion, there will be a weekly print edition too.

This all sounds great, especially in this age where newspapers are dying. Let's just hope that Povich doesn't eventually change the newspapers focus to cheating husbands, fights, and paternity tests.

[via Romenesko]

We've talked a lot lately about what Katie Couric's sign-off should we on the CBS Evening News. But what about the hosts of other shows? I think they need some new ways to sign-off as well.

1. "Honey, get the Xanax ready, I'm comin' home! - Rachael Ray

2. "This is Bob Barker, and I really think most of these contestants should be spayed or neutered. Goodbye everybody!" - Bob Barker

I remember the first night of Connie Chung's highly touted CNN show a few years ago. The one that lasted about 3 minutes, like most of Chung's shows do. She had Jon Stewart on as a guest, and she said to him - in all seriousness and with a straight face - that he should consider being a network news anchor. The look on Stewart's face was priceless. Was she serious? In fact, if I remember correctly, Stewart couldn't even hide his shock, asking, "are you serious?" She was clueless, ill at ease, and embarrassing.

That came to mind after watching Chung's performance on the last episode of her dreadful MSNBC show with husband/sleazemonger Maury Povich. Now she's telling everyone (including Keith Olbermann last night) that it was a joke! She was just kidding!

Um, Connie? No shit it was a joke. No one in their right mind has thought otherwise. Everyone thinks it was just weird.

I've been writing for years that Connie Chung is a terrible newsperson. So I'm hoping that this caberet act will finally make producers and other news execs finally slap their heads and say, "don't hire this woman for the news." Maybe she can join hubby Maury on his show. Maybe she can sing during commercial breaks, or run paternity results back and forth to the lab for Povich.

Okay, show of hands from those people who are absolutely, totally surprised that Weekends with Maury and Connie is being canceled by MSNBC. No one, huh? Well, that's because you are a such a smart audience.

In a move that everyone saw coming from several miles away, except perhaps Maury Povich and Connie Chung, the cable news network has canceled the show, which premiered on January 7th of this year to much fanfare. After the premiere, the audience never re-materialized, despite the fact that the show aired twice on both Saturdays and Sundays. In addition, Povich was slapped with a sexual harassment suit from a producer of his syndicated talk show, which probably didn't help his chances of renewal over at MSNBC.

The last Weekends with Maury and Connie will air this upcoming Saturday at 10am. On Sunday, with plenty of free time on his hands, Maury will begin his task of making sure every single man and boy has a DNA test to prove that he is the father of their own child.

In case you've missed it -- perhaps you were watching the NFL Draft -- here are some highlights from the last week at TV Squad:



American Idol coverage

• Randy's return and Taylor's tics.
• Read some of Randy Jackson's poetry.
• Seacrest was joking about feud with Abdul.
• The night of bad arrangements.
• The initial report of the Seacrest/Abdul freeze-out.
  

Breaking News

• Daniel Baldwin arrested for cocaine possession.
• Michelle Rodriguez chooses jail over community service.
• Michelle Rodriguez is out of jail already.
• A new DA coming for the Law & Order mothership?
• Marlee Matlin joins The L Word.
• Daytime Emmy results.
• Stunt Junkies host arrested at Empire State Building.
• Three more shows renewed by NBC.
• Charlie Sheen sued by someone other than Denise Richards.
• All the Law & Orders renewed for next season.
• Fox picks up Brad Garrett sitcom.
• Kevin Spacey to host SNL season finale.
• Rosie O'Donnell to replace Meredith Vieira on The View.
  
• Anderson Cooper to contribute to 60 Minutes.
• ABC sportscaster Keith Jackson retires.
• BSG prequel coming to the SciFi Network.
• Gay playwright upset with Leno's lame gay jokes (I agree... they are pretty lame).
• New TiVos will now let you record two shows at once.
• Victoria's Secret list says that Jay Leno is a hottie. Probably not to gay guys, though.
• J.J. Abrams clears up Star Trek movie rumors.
• Maury Povich sued for sexual harassment.
  

Discussions

• Adam finds an odd PSA with Jason Priestly and... an eagle?
• Katie Holmes is now... Kate. The world goes on as usual.
• How does Mike O'Malley get to wear a cap in every friggin' role he plays?
• New White House Press Secretary Tony Snow played rock flute... yikes!
• Scrubs transplant story was taken from actual events. Go figure.
• I talk to George Takei about Howard Stern and a new Trek.
• What will a new season of 7th Heaven look like?
  

The Five

• Annie's favorite Food Network shows.
• Shows Bob really wishes he was into, but he isn't.
• Reasons to NOT turn off your TV during "TV Turnoff Week".
  

Opinions

• Annie loved Stephern Colbert's turn at the White House Correspondents' dinner.
• Anna didn't win the HGTV Dream Home.
• Bob misses Something So Right (so do I).
• I can't stand the fact that PTI ends during SportsCenter.
• Anna likes The Chelsea Handler Show.
• Annie considers the rerun Catch-22.

Episode Reviews

• SNL: "Best of TV Funhouse"
• The Office: "Drug Testing"
• Survivor: Exile Island: "Perilous Scramble"
• Invasion: "The Son Also Rises"
• American Chopper: "Celebrity Build (Billy Joel)"
• Alias: "There's Only One Sidney Bristow"
• Scrubs: "My Lunch"
• Veronica Mars: "Look Who's Stalking"
• Prison Break: "The Key"
• The West Wing: "Transition"

I'm transitioning from an IT career to one of a full-time freelance writer. Because of this, I'm spending more time at home during the day. And, despite my better judgement, I leave the TV on in the background while I work. I've been getting in the habit of putting on Dr. Phil at 3:00, and, while I think Phil's a blowhard who often states the obvious, I do like seeing him yell at the idiots that come on his show.

Case in point: today, a couple comes on to talk about the major strife in their marriage. It's so troubling, that the woman, a mature, pretty and intelligent blonde, breaks down and cries. What's the problem? Infidelity? Health problems? Money issues?

Nope, it's none of those things.

She's got "heavy legs".

I'm so glad that last night Mad TV did a takeoff on Weekends With Maury and Connie (Bobby Lee as Connie - ha!). This has got to be the worst show on television. At least Wife Swap has kids you might feel sorry for.

This show so badly wants to be The Daily Show it's embarrassing (Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead is the executive producer). It wants to take current events and politics and give them an irreverent spin, while also tackling some serious issues with serious interviews. But the result is horrifying. Maury Povich gave up his membership card many years ago, when he started his sleazefest morning show, and Connie Chung continues to be the most laughable, incompetent newsperson since Ted Baxter. I still cringe when I think about her first CNN show a several years back, when she had Jon Stewart on and seriously told him he could be a major network news anchor. Stewart was stunned she was serious, as was all of America.

I also hate how at the beginning of the show, one of them actually says "Welcome To Weekends With Maury and Connie," 10 seconds after the announcer has already mentioned the title twice. Couldn't they just say "welcome to the show," instead of referring to themselves like that?

This is a show that could actually work - maybe even with a husband and wife team - but they have to get rid of Povich and Chung and retool it.