TVSquad

(S19E01) Blackboard Gag: I will not wait 20 years to make another movie

Adam, this one's for you.

To begin this review I would like to speak to all of the continuity wonks out there in the audience. You know who you are! You're the folks who keep writing about how nothing changes in Springfield, even after something major happens the episode before. Well, The Simpsons has plenty of continuity. If not, then Ned's wife would still be alive the week after she died and Selma's last name would not be Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure Stu Simpson, Continuity is there . . . it's just subtle.

Are headlines like that even surprising anymore?

The Simple Life's (emphasis on SIMPLE) Nicole Richie was arrested early this morning in Burbank, CA for going the wrong way on the 134 freeway. Witnesses called the police, and when police got to her car, she admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot. But she wasn't drunk on booze, thank heavens, which means she's being responsible.

Two interesting aspects to this story: one, the police have told TMZ.com that they aren't going to release Richie's mug shot, which means it can't be added to the Hall of Fame. And two, the police report lists her height as 5 feet 1 inches and her weight as 85 pounds. Which basically means she weights nothing, and when she turns sideways she vanishes completely. She should join Heroes!

Update: the TMZ.com story has been updated with Richie's booking photo.

(S03E17) I got the feeling that some of the staff may have had vacation time to use up this week. They didn't even put in the effort to stretch the show. Instead we were given a clip show of past performances for the first half hour of the show. That was a little underhanded, but they did pick some of the really great performances to show. A couple of my favorites: Edyta and Kym dancing while Rod Stewart did "Hot Legs", Edyta, Karina, Maksim, and Tony with Lionel Richie performing, and the great SWOP demonstration.

(S03E11) Really, the dragging out of the decision for what to do about Sara leaving is just stupid. The show is getting great ratings already. It doesn't need to jerk viewers around to get them to keep watching. It's a cheap gimmick. Teasing it before going to every commercial break, and pushing it to the last three minutes smacked of local news, and that's not a compliment.

The judges chose Mario & Karina for the encore. That was a good choice. They were clearly the best this week. And they do another great performance, with the exception of a mistake at the end when they get their hands all mixed up during their spins. Lionel Richie came out and performed All Night Long while Maksim, Tony, Edyta, and Karina did the Samba. Really cool performance. Lionel still sounds great, and that was an excellent song choice.

Nicole Richie has a book. Did you know that? It's called The Truth About Diamonds. It's being sold as a fictional novel written by Richie, but apparently the storylines are pretty transparent. For example, the main character, "Chloe," has a drug addition, much like Richie once did. And, her wealthy girlfriend named "Simone", who appears in "night vision skin flicks", is obviously Paris Hilton. I did not read the book because it costs more than one dollar, but I did read a hilarious recap of the book on Slate. The author makes fun of Richie's grammar, including this triple-negative: "we were nothing if not un-original." And of her contradictions about the character's dismissal of celebrity gossipers, yet tabloid press is what pushes the plot along. The reviewer says there is not much to be learned from the book, except Richie's dependency on the paparazzi. She appears just as obsessed with the tabloids as the rest of America, and her character obviously courts the gossip reporters in the book. If nothing else, the reviewer says, the book exposes how celebrities (at least, celebrities of Paris and Nicole's stature) need the tabloids.

After you're done reading the Slate review, head on over to Amazon to read the customer comments. There are already 33 reviews, and it appears a war is a-brewing over the literary quality of The Truth About Diamonds.