TVSquad

So I was watching The Andy Griffith Show marathon that TV Land seems to air every other day. This isn't my complaint, as I would watch that show every day of the week (as long as they're the black and white episodes and not the color ones, but that's another rant). No, my complaint is about the commercial that ran during the marathon.

The promo isn't online so I'll have to describe it. The narrator talks about how times change (with a montage of how phones have evolved over the years), how tastes change (a montage of different foods that people have eaten over the decades), and how we've changed (a montage of different hairstyles you might have had since you were a kid). The point of all this is that things change, but ... change is good! And that's why it's good that TV Land has a bunch of reality shows instead of classic TV shows, because things change and that's where viewers are now in their lives.

I'm not a big Fourth of July person. You'll pretty much see me in front of the television as much as you'll see me in front of the television on July 3. I'm not a big cookout/parades/fireworks/beach type of guy.

Are you that way too? There are some marathons on TV tomorrow that you might like. A sampling:

• Sci-Fi will continue their Twilight Zone marathon.
• TCM has Fourth of July/historical movies all day long.
• USA will have James Bond movies all day long starting at 9AM.
• Discovery has a Deadliest Catch marathon at 9AM.
• TV Land will have a Leave It To Beaver marathon starting at 11AM.
• At noon, HGTV has a marathon of HGTV's $250,000 Challenge.

Here's what's on TV tomorrow. Lots of marathons, movies, and bowl games.

• Sci-Fi's Twilight Zone marathon continues from last night.
• AMC is showing classic westerns all day.
• Cartoon Network has Looney Tunes all day.
• Hallmark has Christmas movies all day.
• At 6am, USA has a Monk marathon.
• At 7, NBC's Today, ABC's Good Morning, America, and CBS' The Early Show will all have New Year's tips, predictions, advice, and recipes.
• At 8, TNT has a Bones marathon.
• History Channel has Ice Road Truckers episodes all day starting at 8.

You can't stop those Wayans brothers when it comes to doing anything for a laugh. Apparently, one of their long time dreams has been a big screen remake of a 1960's sitcom.

They've been working on a script since 2004, but they are saying now that The Munsters movie is nearly ready to roll. I know, I know, how many times have we seen beloved TV series turned into horrible features? For every good one -- The Brady Bunch -- there's a lemon like Leave It to Beaver. The Wayans Brothers clearly believe that they have the goods to make The Munsters like the former rather than the latter.

However, I have to worry about how well they know the material when Shawn Wayans says, "Their characters are still who they were in the '50s. It's just in modern day." Umm, excuse me -- the '50s? The Munsters premiered in 1964 and ran till 1966; it was set in present day. Didn't the Wayanses notice that?

I was going to title this post "Louvre it to Beaver," but a quick check showed that 98% of the people doing the story on the web had already thought of that title. Everything moves so quickly these days.

Tony Dow, who played Beaver's older brother Wally Cleaver on the classic series Leave it to Beaver, is also an artist, and he's going to have one of his sculptures shown at the famed Paris museum The Louvre. It's an abstract sculpture titled "Unarmed Warrior."

Dow doesn't act much anymore, but he was busy behind the scenes of TV shows and movies while doing his artwork. He directed episodes of such shows as Deep Space Nine, Coach, Crusade, Get A Life, Swamp Thing, and Cover Me. He also did visual effects for the Doctor Who TV movie in the 90s, as well as Babylon 5.

So Dow didn't die from eating Pop Rocks, become a porn star, or end up dying in Vietnam, rumors which swirled around his Beaver costars and aren't true.

A roundup of TV people from in front of the camera and behind the scenes who have passed away.

• Evelyn Keyes: Although she was best known for her movie work, including The Seven Year Itch, Gone with the Wind, The Jolson Story, and Here Comes Mr. Jordan, she also guest starred on many TV shows, including The Love Boat, several episodes of Murder, She Wrote, Amazing Stories, and Climax! She was once married to jazz legend Artie Shaw and directors John Huston and Charles Vidor. She died in Montecito, CA at age 91.

I've been thinking. Yeah, I know you might find that hard to believe, but it's true. I swear it is! What I've been thinking about is television. Ah, now you believe my thought processes are truly in motion. A lifetime of television watching is behind me and what do I have to show for my hours of dedication?

Well, other than the cool TV Squad gig, that is. That goes without saying.

What I have are life lessons learned from television, as well as some obscure bits of knowledge I may have overlooked had I led the scholarly life without television in my life.

My wife gave birth to our first son three months ago, so names have been on my mind recently. A name says a lot about a person: strong names help kids to grow up to be television news personalities or American Ninjas (Wolf Blitzer and Joe Armstrong, respectively). Weak names, on the other hand, lead to name calling in grade school and sad lives of quiet desperation in adulthood.

Television has given us a large catalog of super-cool names to choose from. Since TV is all about wish fulfillment, it's rare for a character to be given a truly terrible name. Sometimes, though, a terrible name slips through the network sieve and luckily for all of us, TV Squad is there to catch it. The five worst names in the history of television after the jump...

• At 8, FOX has a new Cops.
• CBS has college football at 8, Florida State vs. LSU.
• ABC has college football too, Ohio State vs. Purdue
• TV Land has a Leave It To Beaver marathon starting at 8, to celebrate the 50th Anniversary, starting with the rarely seen pilot with Harry Shearer.
• Nick has a new TV movie at 8, The Naked Brothers Band: Battle of the Bands.
• Also at 8: TCM has the original version of The Producers.
• At 9, FOX has a new America's Most Wanted.
• Cartoon Network has a new Naruto at 9, then new episodes of Bobobo-bo Bo-Bobo and One Piece.
• At 10, TLC has a new Trading Spaces.
• At 11:30, NBC has a new Saturday Night Live, with guests Seth Rogan and Spoon.
• At midnight, FOX has a new Talk Show with Spike Feresten, with guest Louis C.K.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the classic sitcom Leave it to Beaver, and while many of the show's original stars have left us (Hugh Beaumont, Stanley Fafara, Sue Randall, Richard Deacon), much of the main cast is still going strong, and five of them - Jerry Mathers, Tony Dow, Barbara Billingsley, Ken Osmond, and Frank Bank - appeared on Good Morning, America this morning to celebrate the day.

They've all kept busy over the years. Mathers appeared on stage in Hairspray this year and has appeared in several TV shows and wrote a book. Dow has directed many TV shows and movies over the years and is also an artist. Billingsley is an incredibly active 92 and even recreated her famous Airplane jive talk on GMA. Osmond became a cop - and was shot three times in the line of duty - and is now retired, and Bank (Lumpy Rutherford) is a financial expert who handles Mathers and Dow.

"Aw, cut it out Eddie, will ya?"

Ken Osmond, who played Eddie Haskell on 'Leave It To Beaver' but did not become a porn star after the show ended (that's an urban myth - he actually became a cop) is suing the Screen Actors Guild. He says that SAG has collected more than $8 million from foreign residuals but has not shared that money with SAG members and non-members. Osmond's attorney has also filed suits against the Directors Guild and the Writers Guild over the past few years. It could be a class-action suit if others join in. Osmond says that SAG will not show him their books.

"And Jerry Mathers as ... The Beaver."

Let's begin this week's column with another letter from a reader in need.

Howard Kotarski writes ...

"Hi, I am a transplanted NYer who now lives in Tx. I moved in 79, and was a NYPD officer until the layoffs, What I would like to know is what Fire House, and where is it located that Rescue Me is filmed at. It all looks real, or is it a closed Station used for Movies and TV. Also could you advise me the same for the old 3rd watch TV series, for both the PD and FD that were across the street from each othe. I presently am a Deputy Sheriff in Ft. Worth Tx, and still in love with NY. Thank you, Howard K"

Welcome to TV Squad Lists (formerly 'The Five'), a feature where each blogger has a chance to list his or her own rundown of things in television that stand out from the rest, both good and bad.

A couple of other bloggers have made lists concerning movies that have been made into TV shows and vice versa. There's The Top 10 Movies Based on TV Shows, The Top 5 Shows That are Better than the Movie, Four Small Screen to Big Screen Flops and AOL's own list. Here is my effort. Enjoy.

1. The Avengers: I tried to sit through this move twice and couldn't do it either time. If anyone can explain the plot to me, they can have my job. This movie is the exact opposite of the TV show. Boring, unoriginal, ignorant and unpleasant to watch.

2. Lost in Space: After the cameos by the surviving original cast members, stop watching. Since when is Dr. smith a psycho? I know Heather Graham is hot, but why is Don West more interested in getting laid than getting home? And what is up with the stupid CGI alien? I'd rather see a monkey with Spock ears.

Barney Fife, Herman Munster, James T. Kirk...and President Bill Clinton?

Yup, the former President is going to be the keynote speaker at TV Land's March 23 event to announce their lineup and programming future. It's the ultimate Baby Boomer talking about the ultimate Baby Boomer network. To quote TV Land spokesman Paul Ward, about the speech: "You better believe it's going to be about the economic and cultural and social influence of Baby Boomers (I don't know why I keep capitalizing "Baby Boomers" but it just looks right).

The event is being held to announce new shows that TV Land is going to air this year. It will be held at Jazz at Lincoln Center in Manhattan.

[via TV Tattle]

I know, you might be thinking, who is Stephen Talbot and why should I care what he thinks of the TV news biz? Well, Talbot is a producer and writer for PBS' Frontline (his new episode, News War, debuted earlier this week), but that's not why I'm posting this. I'll explain that after the jump. In the meantime, go read the chat he has at The Washington Post's site and look at his picture closely. Where have you seen him before?

Talbot has a lot of interesting things to say about the news industry. He likes local news, but doesn't like it when they focus on just local stories, fears that people will just wake up one day and wonder why the only news they get is stuff about Anna Nicole and Britney, and he explains why Connie Chung gave up her great reporting career to do...well, whatever the hell she's doing now.

Oh, where have you seen him before?