TVSquad

The folks at our sister site Cinematical are working hard to give you news and reviews of the best -- and worst -- the silver screen has to offer. Here are some of their musings on the latest blockbusters, indies, and everything in between:

• I have never been so terrified to see a movie until I started reading about Food, Inc. There are some things that I feel I have to learn about, but I'm just so scared to. Read Cinematical's review of Food, Inc. and see if you're as terrified as I am.
• I think it was Rob Huebel who Tweeted the other day something along the lines of, "If John Travolta called me personally and told me to go see The Taking of Pelham 123, I wouldn't go. And I'd ask how he got my number." I couldn't agree more. Read the review here.
• I actually didn't like the train scene in Spiderman 2. Cinematical disagrees with me though, and lists it on their Cinematical Seven: Terrific Train Thrills.
• I love this list: Great Movies You Won't Watch More Than Once. There are so many for me, and I definitely agree with the majority's consensus of Requiem for a Dream. Once was more than enough for me.
• Angelina Jolie doesn't need to worry about being replaced anymore. Turns out, Megan Fox doesn't actually exist, and is all CGI.
  

Well, the constant changes in cast and directors so far has been comedic, that's for sure. The project is now on its third director after Bend it Like Beckham helmer Gurinder Chadha walked away, possibly leaving the project in the hands of Betty Thomas, who previously directed the bigscreen adaptation of The Brady Bunch.

Many big names were attached to the project, including John Travolta, Jennifer Garner, Meg Ryan, Luke Wilson, Jennifer Lopez and Shirley MacLaine. Travolta, set to play oil tycoon J.R. Ewing, is the only one who still remains.

People who say "hey, whatever happened to Gabe Kaplan?" obviously don't watch poker on television. He's been a player and commentator on the tour for quite some time now. He doesn't act, but he is getting back into stand-up comedy.

He's also a writer. He has a new book out, Kotter's Back: E-mails From A Faded Celebrity To A Bewildered World. It's a series of humorous e-mails to various people about supposedly great ideas that Kaplan has to get back into the public eye. Stuff like writing a memoir about his sex life or starting a gambling camp for kids.

Welcome to TV Squad Lists, a feature where each blogger has a chance to list his or her own rundown of things in television that stand out from the rest, both good and bad.

You hardly see good TV movie titles anymore, which is sad. So, I decided to remind everyone of the days when a good TV movie was defined by its title.

1. The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
Without watching the movie, this title conjures up plenty of visions. Amazingly, the movie has become a staple in the entertainment community and features what is probably John Travolta's most moving performance ever.

2. Spring Break Shark Attack
Unlike number one, this title spells out the entire plot. Kids on spring break, go in the water and get attacked by a shark. Got it.

Do you like TV shows and movies? Do you like to eat? Well, I've got a site for you, but fair warning: it will consume all of your time today.

It's Frank DeCaro's site. He's not on The Daily Show anymore, but he's got quite a site, including this section where you can find a massive list of recipes from celebs! You can try Bitter and Booze from The Dick Van Dyke Show's Richard Deacon, which mixes semi-sweet chocolate chips, whipped cream and brandy (your teeth will ache but you'll be too drunk to care). Or how about Wheel of Fortune star Vanna White's Layered Pea Salad? Martha Stewart loves Bourbon Balls (and check out the pics in her section too). Jim Nabors makes a mean Alabama Chili, and the original Bionic Woman Lindsay Wagner's contribution is a Tabbouleh Salad. Then there's the aforementioned Turkey Potpie recipe from Oprah.

There's a ton more too, and you can search by name or type of food.

The planned movie remake of the hit '80s primetime soap Dallas has encountered numerous road blocks on its slow crawl to production. Jennifer Garner said no to role of Pam Ewing, then Jennifer Lopez, who was set to play Sue Ellen, dropped out of the project. Meg Ryan came in to take her place, but she has also left the project, along with Shirley MacLaine and Luke Wilson. That leaves John "JR Ewing" Travolta as the only one left out of the main cast. Apparently focus groups only liked the JR character, and director Gurinder Chadha was not happy with the casting choices. The abandoned roles will be recast, but it's not clear whether Chadha will stay with the project. Sounds to me like it might be time to put this particular dog to sleep for good and start working on a movie people really want to see: an animated version of Falcon Crest.

I believe a refresher course in common sense is in order: If it's poisonous, don't eat it. If it's hot, don't touch it. If it's called Dallas, film it in Dallas, Texas. Well, now no one can say I didn't try. Apparently, the minds behind the upcoming big-screen version of Dallas have decided to film in, of all places, Jacksonville, Florida. First of all, is a remake of Dallas really necessary? Second of all... Jacksonville?! Wow, all this makes about as much sense as having Jennifer Lopez in the movie... Or having the British director of Bend It Like Beckham head the project. Next up: All the dialogue will be done... in the form of Gregorian chants!

Welcome Back, Kotter on the big screen? Why? It makes me wonder whether they'll move to the 80s soon with a movie version of Punky Brewster and Mr. Belvedere one of these days. Or Growing Pains, Family Ties, and Hill Street Blues.

Anyway. Ice Cube has signed on to play the lead role in the movie, as well as produce it. He'll be the teacher who returns to his old, inner-city school to help rough kids get an education. I wonder if John Travolta will do a cameo?

The British won't get to see the infamous episode of South Park, which outted Tom Cruise something like 13 times in 22 minutes. Cruise, who has a crazy fear about people thinking he's gay, complained about the episode to Paramount and the production company agreed not to play it again. According to The Register in the U.K., Paramount got worried that Cruise would sue them, as he has sued so many tabloids in the past whenever they 'out' him.

The episode in question aired November 16th here in the states. It featured Nicole Kidman and John Travolta characters who kept pleading for Tom to "come out of the closet." At one point, Kidman's cartoon character says, "Don't you think this has gone on long enough? You're not fooling anyone." It really was a funny episode and I'm sad that our friends in Britain won't see it but I'm sure if you scour the internet hard enough, you'll find it.