TVSquad

"Guess Who's Coming to Denver?": Man, I wish it were the Democratic National Convention all day, every day because it seems like it's providing endless, wondrous material for the show. Not only did they make me spend a good three minutes just laughing at Jon's crazy eyes while reacting to Governor Mark Warner's terrible speech (watch his eyes almost fall off his face when Jon says, "His speech suuucks"), but they've once again reminded me that Dennis Kucinich can do absolutely no jumping around without looking like an over-excited leprechaun. And he has a super-hot wife to make him feel better about any stupid, mean thing that I may say, so it's okay.

Speaking of spouses, that uncomfortably long footage of Bill Clinton looking slack-jawed and slightly baffled also sent me into a spin of uncontrollable laughter. Mouth-breathers are never not funny. In other, more eloquent words: This episode brought the lulz.

"The Slowdown, Difficult Period, Rough Patch, Difficult Headwind, Tough Time Update": Despite the general air of panic throughout the news media and, like, the nation, President Bush has been working hard to convince everyone that we are not -- NOT -- in a recession. He has a lot of other words for it. On Tuesday, President Bush, wearing his favorite cash-colored tie, addressed Congress on this issue, suggesting they make tax cuts permanent to solve the non-problem. He also seemed to be kind of hung up on some sort of economic magic wand, or rather, the fact that he doesn't have one.

"Donkey Party" (haha): This has been a week of amazing break-ups. First, Britney and K-Fed (I, a solid Alternative Rock fan, am unusually excited about the return of hot-Britney) and now, Bush and Rumsfeld. Oh, hell yes.

Obviously, the Republicans aren't taking all the Democratic wins that well... As for the blue folks themselves, they don't quite know how to handle the concept of "victory" either. Senior Political Correspondent Rob Riggle briefly checked in, sporting a nasty black eye (due to a "way ward high five"). QUESTION: Is Riggle just, like, completely unable to find a suit jacket that fits? He's almost always either only in shirt and tie or wearing a creepy Ambramoff-ish trenchcoat. Senior Political Correspondent Dan Bakkedahl talked a bit about how Republicans didn't do enough negative campaigning. I stopped paying attention about a sentence in because I just noticed that Bakkedahl no longer has that creepy, bald/curly Frasier Crane hair. Instead, he has an awkward little combover. I uess it's more reporter-ish, in a way.

Jon Stewart attempted to summarize Bush's speech, despite taping The Daily Show a few hours before the speech even aired. Bush has decided to tap Mexicans' phones. Donning his ever-accurate Bush impression, Jon said, "Jose hasn't been using his phone... I think he might have made the move North."