(S03E10) "I think that ultimately, [women] are going to have to raise the white flag and just accept us for the emotional retards that we are." - Hank to Charlie
This was a real uplifter from last week's dull and otherwise boring episode, if not for the courageous and outrageous efforts of Charlie and his quest to score Rick Springfield a bag of the Colombian itching powder. And I mean uplifter in both the quality and emotional sense of the word ... that I just made up.
The girls in Hank's life, Karen, Becca and Charlie's ex Marcy, go for a girls' night out, and Hank gives Charlie one of his world famous benders after he gets canned for losing Springfield as a client. But it's more about seeing how much greasy California cuisine and $10 a bottle booze they can shove into their systems. Like all great drunken road trips, it's a night of story-telling, story-making and personal exploration, if the memories can make it through the vodka and wine haze that follows them wherever they go.
(S03E09)"I had a plan, I did, but it just didn't work out the way I thought it would."/"What? You thought he'd (Hank) do a good job of being in charge?" - Karen to Becca
Remember watching Friends and feeling that great sense of heavy letdown when you realized that week's diversion of reality would be a "Joey-heavy episode"?
That describes this week's Californication to a tee, except the great sense of heavy letdown doesn't quite sit on top of your soul with the girth and grim sadism of an evil sumo wrestler.
(S0308) "For someone who loves women so much, you sure don't understand them very well." - Jackie to Hank
Hank makes for an interesting character because there is never one single, solitary way of looking at him. Some people see this alcoholic horndog as a success while others look at his cavalier exterior and think of him as an utter failure. He's certainly one of the most complex characters on television for a guy who has one thing on his mind, two depending on how much booze is in the house.
So naturally all of his bad decisions and mistakes will come back to haunt him, and this week, he got hit with them all at once in a bizarre clusterf#$% of sheer craziness. It's as if a tornado of tail just leveled Hank's house and life in the process.
(S03E07) "L.A. has made us soft. You used to be able to run for Lexington Avenue with the best of them. Elbowing the investment wankers out of the way. Your cell phone in one hand, mammoth ball sack in the other hand, Hollywood Reporter between your teeth. Not even breathing so you wouldn't inhale the $&*$ing piss stench." - Hank to Charlie
So now that the No. 1 Missus wants the family back, with Hank included, he's got to get the rest of his conquests out of his system. In the real world, such a thing would be easy to do. Call each one of them up, tell them it's been fun but we've all got to settle down eventually and this is that time. Hang up the phone and never leave your home or greet another human being in person until the big settle down day.
But this is television. Nothing is ever that simple, especially for a cat like Hank Moody, a man who sees simple as a wussy excuse to go through life.
(S03E06) "L.A. is no place to raise a daughter...or a dad." - Hank to Karen
If I ever procreate and God curses me by turning said offspring into a female teenager, the last place I would raise her is Los Angeles. In fact, I would get as far away from that cesspool of pretentiousness and greed as possible; its literal polar opposite, in fact. That's right, I'd actually raise her in the Indian Ocean.
The idea had always been hidden in the back of my brain, but it was yanked into my consciousness by Becca and her snooty, drugged-up pal Chelsea. Both of them are really starting to piss me off. They are vapid, whiny and annoying. In other words, they are perfect Californians.
(S03E02) - "All work and no ass play makes Chuck a dull boy." Sue Collini to Charlie Runkle
A show like Californication might seem like just another rude, crass and completely tasteless sitcom that gets away with speaking Kinsey from cover to cover because it's on pay cable.
But if you actually sit down and watch the damn thing, you'll realize it's actually much deeper and more emotional than that, or at least as deep as a group of flesh lusting horndogs can go ... and I do mean "emotionally" deep, sickos.
Both Dexter and Californication scored some huge opening numbers last Sunday with Dexter setting a new opening record for the cable network.
More than 1.5 million sets of eyeballs tuned to the season four opener for Dexter and 821,000 stayed to watch the opener for Californication. That's 3 million single eyeballs for Dexter and more than 1.6 million for Californication.
(S0301) - What's with all the parent plotlines on Showtime? First Dexter Morgan becomes a new father, and now Hank Moody on Californication? Granted, it's the perfect penance for a man who has flaunted the consequences of the reproductive act more than the entire British royal family, but it seems eerily similar and way overdone in the world of television.
It does, however, work as an obstacle and a vehicle for conflict for Hank, whose only daughter Becca moves into that awkward living hell on Earth known as "teenagerhood." The opening scene of Hank catching Becca and her new best friend Chelsea stoned out of their gourds pretty much set the tone for some, if not most, of Hank's problems.
How can he tell her to do as he says while still doing what and who he loves most?
Is Hank Moody a likable character? From the scenes I've seen of Californication, he seems like one of these drinking/smoking/sex-addicted/wise-ass guys you see a lot of, but there's also a smattering of a****le in there, too, and it seems like he crosses from anti-hero to kind of a dick. Maybe I'm wrong, though I hate anyone who uses the word "cashish." The last line in the season three promo below is pretty funny, though.
So in the interest of equal time, I thought I'd list the four gals that male readers/TV viewers should avoid at all costs.
1. Angela Martin and Meredith Palmer (The Office). Angela has zero sense of humor and is completely controlling, with a weird jealousy streak that lies underneath the surface. Plus she's really strict, and not in the good way.
Either this is the most bizarre viral marketing idea ever, or some of the craziest irony in the history of television. In the show Californication, Duchovny plays Hank Moody, a sex-obsessed character. Now comes word that Duchovny has entered a rehab facility for sex addiction. For real. And this is an Associated Press story, which means it's pretty solid. I wonder if it was rekindling all that sexual tension with Gillian Anderson during filming of that X-Files movie.
Or maybe he was just having too much fun filming the upcoming second season of Californication in preparation for its September 28 premiere. Here's how I think it went down.
Director: "Uh, David, I think we got the sex scene. It was great. Just perfect."
Duchovny: "No! No, we need to do it again. I wasn't .. I mean, she was ... It just didn't feel--"
"We got it, David. It's fine."
"No! I want to do it again! I have to go again." (to actress) "Can we just practice then without the camera ... for the craft."
Judy McGuire writes a column titled "The Frisky," and in her latest she lists the 
Either this is the most bizarre viral marketing idea ever, or some of the craziest irony in the history of television. In the show Californication, Duchovny plays Hank Moody, a sex-obsessed character. Now comes word that 
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