TVSquad

When the Super Bowl first began, halftime shows consisted of marching bands and the occasional big name performer for a song or two. Carol Channing actually did two halftimes -- 1970 and 1972! Well, times have changed and so have the expectations.

The 2009 Super Bowl in Tampa reportedly has landed Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band to anchor the Super Bowl halftime show. It'll be The Boss's first time performing for the NFL's biggest show.

One thing we can count on with Springsteen, there'll be no wardrobe malfunctions. Even if Little Steven whips off his bandana, the censors won't care. Ever since Justin Timberlake ripped the top off Janet Jackson and got a chunk of bra to go with it, revealing her breast to the ogling TV audience, the networks have been careful to keep the halftime shows purely musical.

America - always threatened by the black man's sexuality. The debate hasn't gone there yet, but just you wait. An AP story was released yesterday that strings together multiple reports of viewers who were shocked, shocked to see Prince's "demonic guitar phallus," as it was described by Stephen Colbert, projected in shadow against a large sheet of fabric during the Super Bowl halftime show.

These same viewers also giggle at the word "dooty," think a man using a microphone resembles an act of fellatio and that, from the air, Dolphin Stadium looks like a vagina. Folks, you can't rock out without your cock out so get over it already. You're just lucky this was Prince circa 2007 and not Prince circa 1984 when the guitar he took on tour would ejaculate water at the climax of "Let's Go Crazy." He kept his ass covered. What more do you want?

Prince has agreed to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show in February. This is actually a safe choice after Janet's breasts in 2004 and the Rolling Stones' bleeped-out performance earlier this year. The old Prince might've been a problem for censors, but the new Prince is squeaky clean. He's a Jehovah's Witness who refuses to perform any of his kinkier material (the song "Cream" comes to mind).

The Super Bowl is Sunday, February 4th in Miami. Once again, it will air on CBS.

CBS is fighting like hell against the $550,000 fine against its stations for the now-infamous "wardrobe malfunction" during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show when Janet Jackson flashed America. The network has taken the fine to an appellate court, where it argued the decision "raises First Amendment and due process questions and is arbitrary and capricious".

The network says the baring of Janet's breast was an accident that lasted nine-sixteenths of a second and called it a "blink and you miss it" event. The network argues that, despite the FCC ruling, the incident was not explicit or graphic because very few people actually saw it in real time (oh, but we all saw it on the news in slow motion and on the internet). The network also cites previous FCC rulings on nudity that contradict its Super Bowl fine, claiming the FCC essentially changed its rules in order to impose a stiff fine to appease the "masses" who freaked out about a boobie. In response, the FCC accused CBS of wanting to show naked bodies to little kids... or something like that.

The Lingerie Bowl, a pay-per-view special which has aired during halftime of the Super Bowl for the last three years and features women clad in underwear playing football, may be hitting the big screen. Why, you might ask, would they do this? Well, I haven't done a lot of research, but I'm guessing somebody must think half-naked chicks playing football might be a good way to make money. According to the press release that's been making its way around the blogosphere, the movie would feature sexy models, comedians, and famous NFL players. It will also have an "Alien vs. Predator type format." I guess that means if the movie ever gets made there will be at least one scene where one model excoriates another by drooling acid on them. If that's the case, I'll definitely check it out.

Just in case Mick Jagger or, God forbid, Keith Richards decides to flash us, ABC was already planning to put a 5-10 second delay on the halftime show. Now it will also be ready in case Matt Hasselbeck decides to moon the camera. For the first time in the Super Bowl's 40-year history, the entire event will be broadcast with a five-second delay. That includes pre-game, game, and post-game coverage. Gee, I wonder what that's all about. It couldn't be the thing that wouldn't die, AKA Janet Jackson's accidental or intentional boob reveal during the halftime show two years ago, could it? Apparently ABC doesn't want the $550,000 in fines that CBS had to pay for that major nip slip. Last year, FOX refused to put a tape delay on its broadcast of the Super Bowl. FOX network said it was treating the game "as a news event".

The Parents Television Council publicly praised ABC for going with the delay. The group president said, "ABC has wisely decided to ensure that this year's Super Bowl is not hijacked by raunchy performers as it was in 2004."

Now that the sex will be taken care of, what about all the shots of the coaches and players yelling curse words? Come on! We may not be able to hear them but we know they're not yelling about figs.

This is the first year in my life when I actually am interested in who wins the Super Bowl. You see, I grew up in a baseball home. My first taste of football was in college (Go Griz!) and I've never had a national team to root for. Well, I still don't have a national team to root for. I live in Portland, OR, a city that lives vicariously through the professional sports teams that Seattle has. Therefore, I'm rooting for the Seahawks on Sunday.

In order to pretend that I know what is happening, I did a little research about both teams that I thought I would share with the rest of you who will be watching the Super Bowl for the commercials. By the way, the Super Bowl is on Sunday, Feb. 5th on ABC at 6:30 pm Eastern. In Detroit.

Remember how the NFL put an age limit on the "crowd" members who would rock out to the Rolling Stones during the Super Bowl haltime show? Yeah, that's been lifted. The original casting call was for groups of people between the ages of 18 and 45 to play the role of the crowd on the football field as the Stones perform. Organizers of the performance said they called for younger dancers because the role was physically demanding. People had to run on and off the field real quick. And they had to act like they're crazy for the Stones. Not surprisingly, the NFL heard from a lot of die-hard fans over the age of 45 who can totally rock out to the Stones like the younger crowd. So, they lifted the age limit. Or, maybe it was all the press they were getting over the casting call. Anyway, now you only have to be 18 years old or older to rock out to the Rolling Stones during the halftime show at the Super Bowl in February 5 in Detroit. All you old folks can sign up here.