TVSquad

The MILF has become a staple of the modern male's sexual appetite, along with groveling and porn.

How did this evolution occur? Did the average young male grow tired of trying to impress shallow women their own age who wouldn't pay attention to them if a shark was eating them? Were older women going broke from the rising cost of chlorophyll? What chemical imbalance caused this carnivorous and shallow love affair and how can I increase it without melting my brain in the microwave?

Maybe the true answer is like opening the Ark of the Covenant. The only way to walk away from its truth unscathed means not opening your eyes to it. So here are the hottest TV moms who could make any guy turn his knob in their direction (thanks to the digital switch, that innuendo no longer works so enjoy that image I put in your head).

Haircuts on TV shows are often a very big deal. Remember when Keri Russell had the audacity to cut her long, curl mane on Felicity? Some fans never forgave her or the character!

Well, be prepared for another cut to your psyche, Desperate Housewives' devotees. Eva Longoria Parker has cut her hair for the upcoming sixth season of the show. Unlike Keri, however, Eva's cut was done with the blessing of the producers.

As you can see, it's a very cute 'doo; not too blunt or pixie-ish. It's quite stylish and flattering. The idea is that with the five-year time jump that we saw in the finale last season, Gaby doesn't have the time or inclination to care for her long, flowing locks. (If you've ever had long, full hair like hers, you know what I'm talking about!)

"I'm so over rice."

Finally! It's another episode full of those zingy one-liners I so longed for, sympathetic characterization, and what's even better: fantastic hair. My sister and baby-sitter were over for dinner and, as we shoveled in cassoulet, the whole living room was cracking up when Bree caught Danielle having a little tryst with the Applewhite hottie. "Danielle, question: is there a black man hiding under your bed?"

There were plenty of reasons to crack up tonight, and that's why we love the Housewives.

Also: I love it when my favorite ladies look this good. And tonight? Hot. Very hot. It seems as if every last one of them has been through a high-class version of makeover day on America's Next Top Model. Teri Hatcher somehow managed to look slim but not gaunt, and not a day over 34. Bree looked right off the red carpet with her fabulous body-full poufy 'do. Gabi must have gotten a lovely black rinse, she looked stunning and, for once, not totally slutty.