TVSquad

"The Rummy Returns" (lawlz): Old Donald Rumsfeld was called in for questioning about the Pat Tillman case. It was strange... I had a fleeting thought of, "I thought Rummy was dead" when he popped up on screen. I have no idea why that happened. Maybe I subconsciously put Rumsfeld on my mental Colbert Report-inspired "Dead to Me" list when he left. Anyway, the old man is still on his game, beautifully denying things left and right. He's got it down to a science, all right. By the way, I wonder how he feels about Comedy Central's Lil' Bush, in which Iggy Pop voices Lil' Rummy. I'd be pretty excited if someone like Iggy Pop played a cartoon take on me, even if it was for satirical purposes.

"Don with the Wind": Donald Rumsfeld finally left with one last annoying good-bye. During an interview with Sean Hannity, he said that he has "skimmed" the new Iraq Study Group Report. Wow. As if that wasn't infuriating enough, all of Rummy's "golly"s and "gee"s have really been pissing off Jon... enough to call for a meeting at Camera Three. Jon actually seemed genuinely angry, especially when he started shouting. It was... pretty unsettling for, like, two seconds. Rummy also said that Iraq isn't all that bad at the moment because things look okay from the air.

Oh snap, y'all. Democrats have taken over Congress. The big screen behind Jon shone blue. Nice touch.

"Pentagoner": Rob Riggle briefly talked about Donald Rumsfeld's move-out process. As if to answer the question from my last post, Riggle wore a suit jacket. Hm. Anyway, during Rummy's farewell speech, he left America with one last act of condescension, describing the war as misunderstood, as if most Americans (specifically, those that disagree with the war) are too stupid to comprehend what's been going on. Jon threw on a soldier's helmet and met Rummy at Camera Three. Jon's "stupid person" voice was real classy, haha.

"Donkey Party" (haha): This has been a week of amazing break-ups. First, Britney and K-Fed (I, a solid Alternative Rock fan, am unusually excited about the return of hot-Britney) and now, Bush and Rumsfeld. Oh, hell yes.

Obviously, the Republicans aren't taking all the Democratic wins that well... As for the blue folks themselves, they don't quite know how to handle the concept of "victory" either. Senior Political Correspondent Rob Riggle briefly checked in, sporting a nasty black eye (due to a "way ward high five"). QUESTION: Is Riggle just, like, completely unable to find a suit jacket that fits? He's almost always either only in shirt and tie or wearing a creepy Ambramoff-ish trenchcoat. Senior Political Correspondent Dan Bakkedahl talked a bit about how Republicans didn't do enough negative campaigning. I stopped paying attention about a sentence in because I just noticed that Bakkedahl no longer has that creepy, bald/curly Frasier Crane hair. Instead, he has an awkward little combover. I uess it's more reporter-ish, in a way.

"Scary Movie": Zarqawi's got a hot new video and it's "all that and a bag of hummus". However, the US military, ever the spirit-dampener, has found the extra footage that Zarqawi didn't include in his propaganda tape. Naturally, it's all less than flattering because it shows Zarqawi fumbling with his machine gun (so, in essence, it was a Zarqawi blooper reel). "It makes you wonder," Major General Rick Lynch said of Zarqawi's inability to operate the weapon. Jon added, "... Yeah. Makes you wonder why we haven't caught this putz yet." Zarqawi was also sporting white New Balance shoes in the video. I'm sure NB is really happy with this free product placement.

I tuned in to watch Stephen Colbert provide the entertainment at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner (Fun Fact: Teenage fangirls will watch C-SPAN for hot fake-pundits). Colbert looked just as handsome as ever, and his wife looked beautiful (there go my chances of stealing the man away). When President Bush and Laura Bush walked in, Colbert was already situated at the head table (just five seats away from Bush and right next to Helen Thomas!) but stood up to shake hands. I couldn't help but wonder if Bush had ever seen The Colbert Report before, but I guess he knows about the jokes, because Bush gave Colbert a knowing look while greeting him.

Jon Stewart started off with some news from two of the last monarchies in the world: Nepal and England.

"The King and Them": Nepal has created a new daytime curfew to try and push back anti-royal protestors. Some German tourist was being a jerk about it and Jon spent a few minutes making fun of him. Apparently, the tourist had picked up the latest edition of Let's Go: Be A Dick In Nepal.