TVSquad

Every year, The Boston Phoenix publishes a list of the 100 Unsexiest Men of the Year, where they judge 100 males involved in everything from sports to politics to the internet. They always include several TV faces (and other body parts), and this year they've included a cartoon character.

No, not Dr. Phil, though he is a bit of a cartoon. The "doctor" is on the list, but the cartoon character I'm talking about is Quagmire, from Family Guy. The Phoenix sends a note to creator Seth MacFarlane that "nothing screams hilarity like jokes about date rape!" Giggity.

• At 8, ABC has It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, followed by new episodes of Dancing with the Stars and Boston Legal.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, then new episodes of The Unit and Cane.
• FOX has new episodes of Bones and House.
• NBC has a new Singing Bee at 8, then new episodes of The Biggest Loser and Law and Order: SVU.
• There's a new Beauty and the Geek on The CW at 8, followed by a new Reaper.
• PBS has a new Nova at 8, then a new Frontline.
• HBO has a new Five Days at 8.
• At 9, Bravo has two new episodes of Queer Eye.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9, then the documentary Everest: Beyond The Limit.
• There's a new Throwdown with Bobby Flay on Food Network at 9.
• At 10, FX has the season premiere of Nip/Tuck.
• A&E has a new Criss Angel: Mindfreak at 10.
• Sci-Fi has a new ECW at 10.
• Also at 10: Comedy Central has the special Ralphie May: Girth of a Nation.
• At 10:30, Food Network has a new Two Dudes Catering.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 8, ABC has a new Cavemen, then new episodes of Carpoolers, Dancing with the Stars, and Boston Legal.
• CBS has a new NCIS, followed by new episodes of The Unit and Cane.
• FOX has new episodes of Bones and House.
• NBC has a new Singing Bee at 8, then new episodes of The Biggest Loser and Law and Order: SVU.
• There's a new Beauty and the Geek on The CW at 8, followed by a new Reaper.
• ABC Family has a new Lincoln Heights at 8.
• AMC's Monsterfest has The Frighteners at 8, then Hellraiser.
• At 9, PBS has a new Frontline.
• CNN has the special Planet in Peril at 9.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs special at 9, with best of clips, bloopers, and more.
• A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter at 9, then a new Criss Angel Mindfreak.
• Also at 9: Food Network has a new Throwdown with Bobby Flay.
• At 10, FX has the season finale of Damages.
• TLC has a new L.A. Ink at 10.
• At 10:30, Food Network has a new Two Dudes Catering.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 7, USA has more coverage of The U.S. Open.
• At 8, CBS has a new Power of 10, then a new Big Brother.
• ABC Family has a new Lincoln Heights at 8.
• The History Channel has a new, two-hour episode of The Universe at 8.
• Food Network has a new Rachael Ray at 8, then new episodes of Have Fork, Will Travel, Bobby Flay, and Glutton For Punishment.
• ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker at 8 (main event), then the season premiere of The Contender.
• Nickelodeon has a Home Improvement marathon every night this week.
• At 9, ABC has a new i-Caught, followed by a new Primetime: Crime.
• NBC has a new Biggest Loser reunion show at 9.
• There's a new Wide Angle on PBS at 9.
• TBS has a new Bill Engvall Show at 9.
• HGTV has a new Decorating Cents at 9.
• Also at 9: Sci-Fi has a new Eureka, then a new ECW.
• At 9:30, A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter, then a new Criss Angel Mindfreak.
• At 10, FX has a new Damages.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• Criss Angel wants people to know that he is not a ladies man. He also wants to talk, a lot, about how people are talking about how he is a ladies man.
  
• David Bowie isn't actually an alien but he does have natural alien good looks.
  
• Oprah and David Letterman are soooo not feuding anymore.
  

• At 7, USA has coverage of the U.S. Open.
• At 8, ABC has a new Just For Laughs.
• CBS has a new Power of 10 at 8, then a new Big Brother.
• Also at 8: ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• At 9, TBS has a new Bill Engvall Show.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9.
• There's a new episode of The Universe on History Channel at 9.
• Sci-Fi has a new Eureka at 9, then a new ECW.
• The Travel Channel has a new Into Alaska with Jeff Corwin.
• At 9:30, A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter, followed by a new Criss Angel Mindfreak.
• At 10, TLC has a new L.A. Ink.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• Mindfreak's Criss Angel is doing damage control about his relationship with Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz doesn't need this kind of drama - she just wants to be friends.
  
• The Apprentice is coming back? Was there a candy bar campaign I didn't know about?
  
• Miss New Jersey received another package of blackmail photos, and won't talk about what's in them except to say they contain nothing illegal.
  

• Scott Baio filmed a reality show about helping him find a meaningful relationship... while he was in one with his ex's stunt double. Yeah, it's complicated.
  
• Criss Angel of Mindfreak is having relationship issues too.
  
• The Simpsons Movie is responsible for turning your local 7-Eleven into a real-life Kwik-E-Mart.
  

Egad.

According to the New York Post, Criss Angel's wife, Joanne Sarantakos (Sarantakos is Angel's actual surname), is suing her husband for divorce, claiming that he kept their marriage a secret to help his career and make him more appealing to fans.

Their marriage was enough of a secret that I had no idea he was even married, though it's not as if I spend every waking moment keeping up with Angel's personal life. Still, whenever a girl was by Criss' side on Mindfreak, she was always just credited as "Criss' girl" as far as I remember.

I've always respected Criss Angel for being an engaging performer, but magic and illusions have just never done much for me.

I know that, after watching someone walk through a wall, crawl out of a giraffe's mouth, or any number of super human feats, I'm supposed to stare, mouth agape, in complete amazement. The problem is, I know it's a trick, so I can never muster anything more than just, "oh yeah, that's pretty cool, what else is on TV?"

Duh, Adam, of course they're all tricks.

• Charlie Rose: Governor Haley Barbour, and a discussion of Picasso and Cubism
• The Late Show With David Letterman: Ellen Barkin and Brian Regan
• Jay Leno: Steve Carell, Goo Goo Dolls, and Kenny Smith
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Andy Garcia, Josh Flitter, and Plain White T's
• Tavis Smiley: Michael Beschloss and Katt Williams
• Late Night With Conan O'Brien: Nicole Richie and Billy Connolly
• The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson: Jon Heder and Criss Angel
• Last Call With Carson Daly: Tara Conner and Say Anything

• Criss Angel's cement-block "escape" was kind of a joke.
  
• Jericho's nut campaign might just have worked. I know, I know... you told me so.
  
• The Price is Right just won't be the same without Bob Barker!