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TV 101: How ESPN controls the world and what the other networks can learn from it

ESPN is like the borg, only with more bald people.You're about to become a soccer fan.

I know you don't believe me. Hell, I'm not sure I believe me. After all, America has resisted soccer for going on 150 years. Crapping on soccer ranks right up there with eating horrible chain-restaurant food and producing slobs-versus-snobs camp movies as a quality that define us as Americans.

Further, you've heard this claim before: the "Grab your shin guards, soccer is about to be a hit in the US of A!" column has been written approximately 2.8 million times since the early '70s. Every time a new soccer league starts in this country, everyone rushes to be the first to write that America is about to become Uruguay North.

And yet, those leagues invariably crash and burn, WNBA-style. So what makes this time any different? Why will we finally care about something that we've gone out of our way to not care about for so long? What force is powerful enough to make that happen?

The most powerful force in the universe: ESPN.

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