TVSquad

Judging from the amount of hyperbole being used each day on The Drudge Report, it appears that the nation might be sliding into an economic downturn. While a lot of you might be worried about this, I'm completely confident that the current presidential brain-trust will solve the problem and in no way will it lame-duck its way through the next seven months, leaving the economy's problems for the next poor schlub who gets elected.

So while most of the big media outlets focus on silly, soon-to-be-solved problems like "the economy." I've moved on to bigger and better things. In fact, I believe I have found the number one problem facing the next president and some practical advice on how he might be able to fix it. This is a problem that affects democrats and republicans, the rich and the poor, the old and the young, the black and the white. I'm talking, of course, about...

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, Charm School, and Miss Rap Supreme.

After the jump, I have a list for you. I call it, "The 10 Most Fabulous Flavorettes and Rockettes." Not those Rockettes. Not the ones who kick really high and line-up in different formations and perform at Radio City. Bret's Rockettes! Okay, it's a bad name, but what else do I call them (especially when Flav refers to his skanks as "Flavorettes")?

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, Charm School, and Miss Rap Supreme.

After the jump, I'll talk about this Monday's Flavor of Love 3 Reunion, The Bad Girls Club reunion from last week called "Unfinished Business," and Miss Rap Supreme.

VH1 released a superteaser for their new summer celebreality series I Love Money last Friday. From the looks of the video, I Love Money will be more of the trashiness and scandal we've come to expect from other VH1 shows like Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York and Charm School. The cast will be split into two teams (gold and green) and compete for a $250,000 prize a lá the Real World / Road Rules Gauntlet or Inferno shows. However, since this cast is less athletic and more skanky than the RW/RR folks, the actual challenges themselves look like they will be much more entertaining. And of course, you won't be tuning in just for the competitions. According to the superteaser, they'll be hook-ups, secret alliances, a spitting contest (perfect for Pumkin), and even some "true" love.

The superteaser is five minutes long! That's five minutes of skanky goodness for your enjoyment.

Okay, you can commence the happy dance! Contestants from your favorite skanky shows on VH1 coming together for an all-star competition called I Love Money. What will they be competing for? I think you can figure that one out. The show will feature your favorite personalities from Rock of Love, Flavor Of Love, and I Love New York. It's produced by Mark Cronin and Cris Abrego (my personal heroes) who have produced, well, just about every successful show on VH1.

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, and Charm School. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

After the jump I have a look at my favorite quotations from this week's episodes of Flavor of Love 3 and Rock of Love 2. I call it Epigrams, A Discussion. Enjoy Skank-lovers!

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life and Charm School. Basically, I'll talk about the shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

SSW is a celebration of the many life lessons we can learn from VH1's raunchiest characters. I'll put together lists, Vs. articles, spotlight a special skank or two, and maybe even throw in a pop quiz for you adoring VH1 fans. For the next few weeks, I'll focus mostly on Rock of Love 2, on the darling bachelor Bret Michaels and his crew of devout skanks.

My first article, How to Impress Bret MIchaels: The Dos and Don'ts of a Rock of Love 2 Talent Show, is after the jump. I threw in some "Bret-isms" at the bottom too. Some nuggets of wisdom from the man himself, if you will.

VH1's I Love New York (the spin-off of Flavor of Love, which was the spin-off of Strange Love, which was the spin-off of The Surreal Life) is set to debut on Monday, January 8 at 9PM. Kick off the new year with a bit of trashiness! This is the new cast picture of New York (Tiffany Patterson) and her victims lucky bachelors. The flamboyant fellow in pink is the Big Rick to New York's Flavor Flav (so, his job will be to follow New York around and tell her how great she looks). I've already picked my favorite of the bunch... the blond guy in the button-up and khakis. He's in it for the long run, folks!

The producers of VH1's Surreal Life and My Fair Brady have another card up their sleeves. They're currently casting twenty bachelorettes to live in a Hollywood Hills mansion and compete for the love of "one of the 90s hottest rockers." They're keeping the name of the rocker under wraps, but claim that he's a "famous, sexy, bad boy rocker" and "lead singer of a famous 90s rock band."

This Flavor of Love-type premise requires some real loons to make it work. Idolator has made a few guesses at who said bad boy might be. They've floated Adam Duritz of Counting Crows, Stephan Jenkins of Third Eye Blind, Steve Harwell of Smashmouth and Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. I'd find it way more humorous if someone like Eddie Veder or Billy Corgan had decided that they were going to try and undermine the genre by colluding with it, but Idolator's list makes sense. I'd say the smart money's on Durst or Duritz. Anyone interested in auditioning?

Celebrity Fit Club has announced the line-up of unfortunate stars to join its fifth season ranks beginning in April 2007. Expect to see Maureen McCormick, Dustin Diamond, Tiffany, Cledus T. Judd, Da Brat, Ross "The Intern" Matthews, Kimberly Locke and Warren G being whipped back into shape by the usual assortment of trainers and nutritionists.

So, let's see, that's 2 former child stars, 1 former mall rat, 2 hip-hoppers, 1 country star, 1 D-lister and 1 American Idol contestant. They're missing the late 80s movie star whose life has devolved into substance abuse and erratic behavior, but Diamond does have the amateur porn outing. Sounds like just the right mix of disgrace and desperation for "celebreality" to me.

I don't begrudge anyone who wants to get in shape and lose weight, but why on TV? And, what the heck is Warren G doing on this show? He's a former member of the Eastside Rollin' 20 Crips. Crips don't jazzercise. Do they?

I feel icky even reporting on these two reality outings from Mike Tyson and Brigitte Nielsen, but it's my jobs, folks.

After making a cameo appearance on Being Bobby Brown, former heavyweight champ, convicted rapist and infamous ear biter Mike Tyson wants a show of his own. Tyson is shopping around a concept featuring himself, his daughter Mikey and Don King's granddaughter. The show would focus on their family dynamic, but also on Mikey, who is launching a plus-size clothing line. The concept is a bore, but the show is all about the Iron Mike freak factor. It's the kind of celebrity warmed-over reality show that I feel uncomfortable watching, which is why I'm not a network programmer. I'm sure it will sell like gangbusters.

Some people love it, some people loathe it, but VH1's block of CelebReality shows must be doing pretty good ratings-wise for the channel, because they are constantly adding new programs to the lineup. While I do enjoy Best Week Ever and the occasional episodes of Hogan Knows Best and Surreal Life, I can't say that I'm really hooked on any of the shows, Lord help me, until now.

The newest addition to the VH1 family, So NoTORIous, stars Tori Spelling as Tori Spelling and is an odd little blending of sitcom and reality. She pokes fun of herself, her life, her insanely powerful father and eccentric mother non-stop, and I loved every second of it. I have a soft spot in my heart for celebrities that don't take themselves seriously and have no problems with making fun of themselves (David Hasselhoff, William Shatner, Pamela Anderson, etc).

There was news recently that Tori's parents are considering suing her in real life because of her jabs at her mother's eBay addiction on the show, so one could probably assume that this is probably hitting a "little too close to home." It's been a while since I've kicked back with Aaron Spelling, so I'm not sure if he's still that way, but I'd venture to say yes. I do know that I'll be tuning in every week to see how the former Beverly Hills princess fairs out in the real world.