TVSquad

Disguise it however you want. Call it "giving back" and dress Simon up in a white shirt -- it's still a telethon. But, there's no shame in telethons.

I lived abroad for a couple of years and had the opportunity to get to know extremely needy people from many different countries. I remember one from Nigeria who was one of two survivors in a party of 20 that hiked across the Sahara desert and crossed the Straight of Gibraltar to live a better life in Spain. That meant picking melons in the field and living on dirt floors in a house with a bunch of other families -- and he was the lucky one.

In case you were wondering, I think the words were:

"As I look around
I see things remind me
Just to see you smile
Made my heart fill with joy
I'll still recall
All those dreams we shared together
Where did you run to, boy?"

Personally I've never really heard the song and had to look the lyrics up. I've never been much of a Diana Ross fan, and apparently neither was Haley.

Well, if anything was clear after tonight, it was that the girls this season have bigger, stronger and fatter cojones than the guys do. That probably won't stop one of the boys from sticking around long enough to see the top two or three, though. Idol voters have funny ways of making us cringe.

It's not rigged, though, I promise. At least, I don't think it is -- and I have some good reasons to believe so.

Message boards are always filled with scandal and accusations of foul play. I don't know why, but people are always so quick to cry conspiracy even when better judgment says otherwise. Probably for the same reasons we believed the world was flat for so long ...

I was a little distracted tonight. I should have been trying to care about who left this week, but instead I kept thinking about Kellie Pickler and her little blue dress. It's not what you think; I'm into smarter girls. It's just funny how perfectly she illustrated what the effect of a night on the town in your "Red High Heels" will have on you.

I like to think she woke up the morning after and looked down and was like "holy s**t my boobs are bigger!" It makes for a good story.

Another good story is: now that Alaina is out, Ryan is free to hit on her openly. I think something like that could bump Britney and her bald head from the cover of every magazine in the grocery store. It's publicity gold. There were lots of other little fun tidbits on the show last night. Starting with one of Idol's very own bald contestants, AJ.

What could be more uninspiring than Ryan Seacrest's love tips on Idol this week? ... Hmmmm, I could think of a couple performances, actually. And that's a bad thing, since Ryan isn't exactly an icon of wisdom. But, I don't want to talk about what I didn't like this time -- call it a break through in therapy, if you like. Instead, as much as I hate to say it, I want to pick up the Paula Abdul torch and talk about what was good and great about the past couple nights.

But first, a couple questions need to be answered: How is the order of the performance decided? And if two contestants pick the same song, who gets to sing it? Also, is The Colbert Report the best TV show on the air? Yes.

So this week I spent my days in "The Big Easy," celebrating Mardi Gras like it's supposed to be celebrated! I'm not sure if it was the loud music in New Orleans that damaged my ears (or maybe it wasn't) but the boys vs. girls week had a clear winner. One thing is for sure -- this is a woman's world from here on out. The girls blew the house down ... with the boys in it.

I'm going to go over the people who stood out to me the most this week (good and bad). Going through all 24 would be a pain in my ass and honestly, I still don't remember all their names. So let's start with the boys:

Do you remember back when the catch phrase "I'm going to Disneyland" was big? I remember saying it all the time after running over home plate during pick-up kickball games with my brothers. It was the quintessential victory phrase. It was almost as big as classic lines like "Where's the beef?" or "Whatchoo talkin' about Willis?" Saying that meant things couldn't get any better. Without any specific phraseology, except for maybe Ryan's annoying "after the break," I think Idol's results show format has found the yin to that yang.

None of this "You've just won [whatever], what are you gonna' do next?" Instead, with the camera practically up your nose, it's "You just lost your big shot to fame a fortune." I'm pretty sure going to Disneyland isn't next on the "to do" list. And, if that weren't enough, they have to bust out the microphone one last time and remind us why we didn't vote for them in the first place. Man, what a series of therapy sessions in-the-making.

Looks like it could be a girl's year this year. After 26.2 miles of Idol watching over the last couple nights, I'm pretty spent. Thankfully, this week's installment of Idol ended on the proverbial high note and left me wanting a little more. All big voices and beat boxing aside, though, the one question rattling around in my brain is what kind of record do these contestants plan on making after the show is over?

So far, it isn't clear -- and it ought to be. A major part of Chris Daughtry's success now is based on the fact that early on, he established what he was all about and never strayed too far from it. The same could be said about Carrie Underwood and country music.

This is the point of the competition when the country is forming it's opinion of the top 24, and if they don't send out clear messages about who they are artistically we'll form our own conclusions -- which generally ends in confusion.

OMG! This has definitely been the most exciting week yet! I think that the stars are truly shining through, making America's decision much easier in finding this year's American Idol!

Let's start with Tuesday night's show. It was obvious, 16-year-old Baylie Brown would find a spot in the Top 24. She's young, spunky and had the talent to back her up. Unfortunately, forgetting her lyrics during the trio lost her a spot in the Top 24. SHOCKING! No, but really it is.

We also saw Perla Meneses, who although looked like Shakira, did not sound like her. She was sent home, as well. I was actually kind of bummed, though she did make me laugh.

So, tonight was the "Best of the Rest." And, of course, the term "best" is used liberally. I can get over it though since there were three words that made sweet love in my eardrums and put me in a great viewing mood. What were they? Last Audition Episode.

I don't know anymore if under casual viewing circumstances I'd be amused by all the antics. I'm too close to it all, you know? But, the difference in format tonight kept me entertained and unbothered by the same old schtick. I liked the six-step program -- I felt like I was learning something -- even though all that was the same old stuff, too. You sneaky bastards. My only complaint after seeing what Idol had to offer this year was: That's it?

You could just say, "stretching," "for" and "programming." Still, I did see some exciting moments, glimpses of humanity and heartlessness from the judges, plasticine princesses and the end of the "door" joke in tonight's stop in San Antonio. It was all the things I love and hate about Idol.

I finally heard a voice I was into -- from an unlikely person. When they started the segment on Bruce Banner and the Incredible Hulk, I was sure it was a joke. Who wouldn't think that after all the odd couples they've thrown together over the season? I was even more convinced after the Incredible Hulk sang "Amazing Grace" like the love child of Barry White and William Hung.

Maybe it was me, but only having to watch one hour of the auditions each night kept it short and simple.

It was easy to watch the show with less sarcasm and really see some potential talent. Tuesday night, we started off in Birmingham, Ala. Finally, we saw some contestants who I think are definitely finalist material. That being said, it brings me right to Chris Sligh!

Not only was he the first contestant with a great personality, he also has the "body of Christina Aguilera." His unique rendition of "Kiss From a Rose" kept me wanting more. He is funny, and though may come off as cocky to some, he has the talent to back it up. I LOVE HIM!

Welcome to Hollywood! I bet that won't mean as much to someone who lives on Sunset Blvd. and realizes that going to the next round means humping it over to Pasadena for a week. (Yeah, the "going to Hollywood" round is more like the inland empire round -- that's TV baby!) Still, a golden ticket is a golden ticket. And there were 40 for Idol hopefuls in Los Angeles. Wow.

For the most part, it was a pretty dull episode. Same old stuff, you know? I had to pop in my copy of The Last Waltz to decompress before I got to putting my thoughts down. I think, though, if you look past the normal audition format of thousands turning up to audition -- the token weirdos, a few costumed candidates, pretty girls who can kind of sing, average people who can really sing, some who think singing one more song will convince the judges to change their minds, some who think lots of tears will change our minds, and the judges being exhausted at the end of the day -- there were some really unexpected moments.

Minutes before the clock strikes eight and I'm stuck in Seattle for a couple of hours, listening to obnoxiously terrible voices and belligerent rebuttals. I start to wish that Idol would shorten their time slot to 90 minutes. That would never happen, though. Not with 57 million viewers the night before! Crazy. And, after the first few moments I was pretty glued to the TV screen anyway and was reminded why it's the best reality show on television.

It's real. No one could ever script something like it. No one would believe it. We all know to expect really terrible singers and off-the-wall characters in the audition episodes. But, I'm constantly blown away by the people who show up for the audition. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell my friends in foreign places that those people occupy less than one percent of America's population ... I hope ...

What's up guys?! It's Mikalah Gordon here from season four of American Idol. I have been given the opportunity, thanks to AOL, to give you a weekly blog of my thoughts and opinions of this years A.I.

Now, enough chit chat, lets get on with the gossip.

As I sat in front of the TV eating the best enchilada in the world, I heard a familiar song that took me right back to my audition two years ago. My heart started beating and my palms got sweaty. It was the A.I. theme song. I must admit I was kind of nervous. I never realized how dramatic that intro song could be!

Minneapolis was the first stop. Ten thousand people lined up, but in the end, only 17 people were lucky enough to make it through to Hollywood. Now, question: How do you choose 17 people out of 10,000? Well, watching some of the auditions, it wasn't too hard to make the decision.