TVSquad

You know that scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally, when Meg Ryan is in a New York deli and simulates having an orgasm? Then Estelle Reiner looks over and says to the waiter, "I'll have what she's having."?

Well, that's how a lot of actors in Hollywood must be feeling about actor Steven Weber -- "I'll have what he's having!" -- because he's been on a hot streak going from role to role to role, TV series to TV series. The latest is his landing a juicy part on Desperate Housewives.

The former Wings star will be playing Julie's lover, her college professor who's a serial monogamist, having been married three times. Susan, reportedly, is going to freak out about her daughter getting serious with a guy who's old enough to be her father.

This role is being slated for just one episode, so far, but you never know. He could turn out to be Susan's son-in-law down the road.

• At 8, ABC has a new Opportunity Knocks, then a new Dancing with the Stars and the special Half The Size.
• CBS has a new NCIS, followed by new episodes of The Mentalist and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new Biggest Loser at 8, followed by a new Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has two new episodes of House and Fringe.
• There's a new 90210 on The CW at 8, then a new Privileged.
• TCM has Lassie Come Home at 8, then Meet John Doe.
• Also at 8: ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• At 9, PBS has a new P.O.V.
• Food Network has a new episode of Food Detectives at 9.
• At 10, A&E has a new episode of The Cleaner.
• FX has a new episode of The Shield at 10.
• MTV has the series premiere of Paris Hilton's My New BFF at 10.
• Bravo has a new Rachel Zoe Show at 10.
• Travel Channel has a new Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern.
• IFC has a new episode of The IT Crowd.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

• At 8, CBS has the season premiere of NCIS, followed by the series premiere of The Mentalist and the season premiere of Without A Trace.
• ABC has the series premiere of Opportunity Knocks at 8, then a new, two-hour Dancing with the Stars.
• FOX has new episodes of House and Fringe.
• NBC has a new, two-hour Biggest Loser at 8, followed by the season premiere of Law and Order: SVU.
• ABC Family has a new Lincoln Heights at 8, then a new Greek.
• Also at 8: ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker.
• At 9, PBS has a new American Masters.
• There's a new Eureka on Sci-Fi at 9, then a new ECW.
• Food Network has a new Food Detectives at 9, followed by a new Road Tasted with The Neelys.
• At 10, FX has a new episode of The Shield.
• Travel Channel has a new Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

After the jump, the late night talk show listings.

Are you anxiously awaiting news of who was in that SUV that exploded? Still fraught with worry over how Gibbs is going to get his team back together? Or maybe you are just excited that Survivor is finally going to be beamed into your living room in glorious HD. Well, you can start making plans for your fall scheduling now. The eye network has released the schedule of premieres for their new and returning shows.

I'm a little concerned about two things on the schedule. First, The New Adventures Of Old Christine and Project Gary lead into Criminal Minds on Wednesday nights. That's an odd pairing, and I don't think bodes well for either of the comedies. And second, The Unit gets shuffled off to Sunday at 10? NCIS and The Unit have done remarkably well paired up on Tuesdays. Good for The Mentalist, not so much for The Unit. The whole thing kicks off with Survivor on September 18th. The rest of the schedule is after the jump.

Here are the weekly TV ratings, by number of viewers.

Um, OK, I had to do a double take (or maybe a triple) when I saw these ratings for Lost. Number 1 for the week?? I knew it would do better since it was the season finale, but the top spot, up 18 spots from last week? That's pretty cool.

The new edition of Password took the number 3 spot. Meanwhile, the number 18 show really kinda baffles me.

1. Lost (ABC)
2. Two and a Half Men (CBS)
3. Million Dollar Password (CBS)

If you look at the Nielsen ratings each week, where you see shows like Survivor, NCIS, all of the CSIs, Two and a Half Men, 60 Minutes, Without A Trace, and Criminal Minds consistently in the top 20, this probably won't come as a surprise: CBS has won this year's May sweeps period.

This is the sixth year in a row that the network has won the period. It also helped that CBS had some big specials this year, including the Academy of Country Music Awards. And here's an interesting little factoid: CBS has the number one scripted show on five different nights: CSI: Miami on Mondays, NCIS on Tuesdays, Criminal Minds on Wednesdays, CSI on Thursdays, and Numb3rs on Fridays. The number one scripted show on Sundays is Desperate Housewives. As for Saturday, who the hell knows what's going on that night.

Outsourcing: it's running rampant in America. You know, you call for technical support when your PC is out of whack or you have a problem with a credit card and instead of hearing an American voice on the other end, you're left to chat with Kim in Karachi or Biff in Bangalore.

Well, in TV, outsourcing is also taking place. Parts that were once strictly American roles -- requiring a real, colloquial U.S. voice -- are being played by foreigners. The thing is, many of these roles are being brilliantly played by actors donning American accents -- they're doing a great job.

Think about it; some of the best performances on TV feature foreigners with great American accents, like Hugh Laurie on House and Jonny Lee Miller on Eli Stone. Two of Her Majesty's loyal subjects, two wonderful American voices. The Brits are all over the dial.

But did you know that Anthony LaPlaglia (Without A Trace) and Rachel Griffiths (Brothers & Sisters) are Australian? It's true. And they're not alone. There are a lot of other actors who were not brought up speaking like typical Americans who sound like they were.

Therefore, you tell us: who are your choices for the best American accents on television right now? Give us your thoughts on who should be nominated for TV Squad's Excellence in Outsourcing Award.

• ESPN has NBA Playoffs all night.
• At 8, ABC has a new Ugly Betty, then a new Grey's Anatomy and the season finale (part one) of Lost.
• NBC has the one hour season finale of My Name Is Earl at 8, followed by the one hour season finale of The Office and the season finale of ER.
• The CW has the season finales of Smallville and Supernatural.
• FOX has a new Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? at 8, followed by a new Don't Forget The Lyrics.
• At 9, CBS has a new CSI, followed by a new Without A Trace.
• Ryan Seacrest is the guest on a new Larry King Live, at 9 on CNN.
• Also at 9: Hallmark has the new movie Bridal Fever.
• At 10, Spike has a new TNA Impact.
• At 10:30, Comedy Central has a new 'Lil Bush.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Here are the weekly TV ratings, by number of viewers.

Last week I mentioned that Lost wasn't in the top 20. Well, this week it returns. Not to the highs it was earlier this year, but hey, I wouldn't mind almost 11 million people watching what I do each week (I'm talking about writing, not going to the bathroom or eating a sandwich). Survivor's finale and regular episode both made the top 20, even though it was the lowest-rated finale in the history of the show.

1. American Idol - Weds (FOX)
2. American Idol - Tues (FOX)

• ESPN has NBA Playoffs all night.
• At 8, ABC has a new Ugly Betty, then new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Lost.
• CBS has a new Survivor at 8, followed by new episodes of CSI and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new My Name Is Earl at 8, then the season (series?) finale of Scrubs, a new episode of The Office, the season finale of 30 Rock, and a new ER.
• FOX has a new Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? at 8, followed by a new Don't Forget The Lyrics.
• The CW has a new Smallville at 8, then a new Supernatural.
• There's a new Overhaulin' on TLC at 8, then new episodes of American Chopper and Miami Ink.
• Also at 8: AMC has the original Planet of the Apes.
• At 8:30, Cartoon Network has a new Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, followed by a new George of the Jungle.
• At 9, HGTV has a new Divine Design.
• At 10:30, Comedy Central has a new 'Lil Bush.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Here are the weekly TV ratings, by number of viewers.

Even though the picture is from Two and a Half Men (for a change), American Idol got the first two slots this week again. Dancing with the Stars got the third and fifth slots, sandwiching a new CSI. It's really amazing how many shows that CBS has in the top 20 every single week. This week they have 12 shows, and that's not counting the basketball specials. That's wild.

1. American Idol - Tues (FOX)
2. American Idol - Weds (FOX)

• At 8, ABC has two new episodes of Miss Guided (including the season finale).
• CBS has a new Survivor at 8, followed by new episodes of CSI and Without A Trace.
• NBC has a new My Name Is Earl at 8, then a four episode marathon of The Office repeats.
• FOX has a new, two hour Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? at 8.
• HGTV has a new Designed To Sell at 8, followed by a new Myles of Style.
• At 10, ABC has a new Eli Stone.
• Bravo has the finale of Make Me A Supermodel at 10.
• At 10:30, Comedy Central has a new 'Lil Bush.
• Also at 10:30: Food Network has a new Ace of Cakes.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Here are the weekly TV ratings, by number of viewers.

Sure, we can talk about how this year's Oscars were the worst-rated in TV history, but its still came in at #1 for the week, knocking American Idol from the top slot. It also got the #5 slot with their red carpet special and the #13 slot with the Barbara Walters special. Of course, the folks at FOX aren't that worried: it still took the next three slots, and hey, the Oscars won't be on next week.

1. The Oscars (ABC)

Fans of the Tiffany network can do the happy dance. CBS has renewed 11 scripted shows for the 2008-2009 TV season. The lucky 11 are: CSI; CSI: Miami; CSI: New York; NCIS; Criminal Minds; Cold Case; Without a Trace; Ghost Whisperer; Numb3rs; Two and a Half Men; and The Big Bang Theory.

There are not a lot of surprises in this bunch, although it's great news that The Big Bang Theory, CBS's rookie Monday-night sitcom from Chuck Lorre's stable, made the cut. Still in limbo, however, are three other Monday-night comedies from the network: How I Met Your Mother, Rules of Engagement, and The New Adventures of Old Christine. The story speculates that Mother will get the greenlight for a fourth season soon, but Rules and Christine seem to be in competition for the 9:30-10:00 half-hour slot.

• At 8, ABC has a new Ugly Betty.
• FOX has a new Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader at 8, followed by a new Don't Forget The Lyrics.
• TCM has Casablanca at 8, then From Here To Eternity.
• G4 has a new X-Play at 8.
• At 8:30, HGTV has a new Carter Can, then a new Divine Design.
• Hallmark has a new movie at 9, Jane Doe: Eye of the Beholder.
• At 9, NBC has a new Celebrity Apprentice, then a new ER.
• ESPN2 has coverage of The Australian Open starting at 9.
• Also at 9: Spike has a new TNA Impact!
• At 10, CBS has a new Without A Trace.
• ABC has a new Big Shots at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.