TVSquad

(S05E11) "Merry Christmas, Cuddy." - House to Cuddy on the potential adoption of her new baby

Once again it's Christmas at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. Or, rather, it was Christmas at a Princeton-Plainsboro of an alternate reality. That's because our favorite characters were opposite of their normal selves. Foreman was out of House's shadow, Kutner was angry, Cuddy came up with the diagnosis instead of House, Thirteen was smiling, and House was ... House was ...

(S05E09) Here's a bit of irony for ya. Before this week's episode of House began my family was in a lockdown situation of its own after someone, either a home invader or home owner, knocked out seven shots during the early afternoon right down the street from us. The police came along and ended up doing the yellow tape thing around the area, keeping the rest of us from going out until their fugitive search and investigation were done.

Sure, no one had a gun pointed at us. And, I wasn't in a hospital. And, I didn't have to take a series of drugs in order to prove they were safe. But, I was stuck in my house for over two hours. So, you know, I can relate. With that, let's get to this week's "very special" episode of House.

(S05E08) What is Foreman's role in House's little kingdom? From the deep recesses of my dusty brain I recall a conversation he had with Cuddy that his job was to be some sort of monitor to make sure House didn't, you know, rip the lungs out of a live patient just to make sure they were really and truly pink and healthy. But, to be honest, I haven't seen much monitoring going on over the last few episodes.

I have seen lots of sitting and moping and an all-around indecisiveness in Eric since he returned to Princeton-Plainsboro. Maybe he was regretting the decision he made, maybe he was still trying to learn from the feet of his mentor, or maybe he was reliving his past life as suicidal County General doc Dennis Gant from ER. That may have changed this week as, finally, he decided to branch out on his own.

(S05E05) All right, all you pervs! Calm down, calm down! You've all had a chance to see the promo that FOX distributed to promote this week's show and you all gave me a keypad-full on what you thought. So, just put it back in the place where you usually have it stored and let's move ahead with the review.

So, how about that examination scene, huh? Yowsa! Now that was porn! There was so much sexual tension it was oozing out of the screen. I'm surprised I didn't hear 'Bow-chicka-chicka-bow-bow' in the background -- the usual precursor to an extended sex scene. Not, you know, like I'm familiar with that genre of film. I mean, I've never seen a porn movie in my life. Ever. Hey, don't look at me that way!

Ahem. Sorry about that. Let's...uh...let's get going with this week's review.

(S05E04) "Bubbles" -- Thirteen

"Is that your new stripper name?" -- House

And so, one chapter of Dr. Gregory House's life ends and another one begins...again. Together, these life-changing events may lead to a kinder, gentler diagnostician who will befriend his colleagues, treat others on the staff with respect, and prevent him from making constant lewd remarks to Cuddy.

Bwah-hahahahahahahahaha! Oh, I slay me! Kinder and gentler? Bwah-hahahahahahaha!

(S05E01) "This is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions." -- Thirteen to House's patient of the week

Another season of House, another patient with a mysterious ailment. If there is one thing that has not changed in the five seasons that this medical procedural has aired it is the fact that someone is going to enter Princeton-Plainsboro with an illness that can't be determined until the very last minute. It's why House is still on the air. Well, there's that, and then there's the fact that Hugh Laurie is a damn fine actor. Oh, and the others on the show don't do so badly themselves.

So, what can one viewer look forward to for this new season? If you think same-old, same-old then you would be absolutely, totally....incorrect. Because things are a-changing in Greg House's universe -- actually have been changing since the death of Amber in last season's finale -- that he can't, or won't, stop. The result? Well, I would be writing my own death sentence if I revealed it to you here. So, come and join me for a recap of this week's episode.

Attention, TV Squad readers, my friends and fellow television fans, it's time to announce the winner for The Excellence in Outsourcing Award, that is, the foreign actor who possesses the best American accent. There were many worthy nominees, but the overwhelming winner was House, MD himself, actor Hugh Laurie. That Englishman, one of her majesty's loyal subjects, has been making us all believe that he's just a Jersey boy. As Dr. Gregory House of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, he sounds like he was born in south Jersey, spent his summers in Asbury Park, and is as much a Garden Stater as Bruce Springsteen and Tony Soprano.

(S04E12) "People don't change." -- House, who mentioned it several times.

So Wilson is going out with Cutthroat Bitch (aka: Amber), huh? And, for awhile all is well. That's a pretty good record for Wilson, and devious as hell since he was able to keep it from House for so long. Of course, there is now a challenge for Greg to figure out why Amber seems such a catch for his best friend.

Manipulation? Well, that's a possible answer since Wilson is directly connected to House and can be the avenue to get her a fellowship. Revenge? Certainly, especially the way the good doctor treated Amber during the competition. Actual love and affection for Wilson? Nah, couldn't be! I mean, that would just be ludicrous coming from someone who was only concerned about herself during the game. Come on, doesn't anyone remember when she got all of those candidates to stop washing House's car and walk away from the competition? Plus, according to House, people don't change.

(S04E04) Wilson -- You're quite impressed with yourself right now, aren't you?

House -- Who wouldn't be?

After a brief baseball break, House returned with a pretty decent episode. Not only did we get to see a further fleshing out of the new characters, but also witnessed additional connection between the old and new team members. Plus, we found out that trying to find a job outside of Princeton-Plainsboro when you worked for House was not the best thing to do.

(S04E03) Do your sex organs dangle, cutthroat bitch? -- House, speaking to Amber

Geez, Jen got the easy reviewcap last week. I think there were 32 different subplots in this week's episode of House. It was almost like watching an episode of Lost. Well, might as well sit down and get comfortable, because here we go.

We were graced with two different patients this week. The main one, and the one that the remaining candidates worked on, was a young man who had a degenerative muscular condition who suddenly fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. The second patient, the one that was treated by House alone, had recently been in an auto accident and was seemingly suicidal.

The wacky neighbor is a sitcom staple. Neighbors like Kramer from Seinfeld, Lenny & Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley, and Carl Brutanunanadilewski from Aqua Teen Hunger Force make for great entertainment. They're always part of some wild adventure or providing comic relief. But, let's face it: these people would make terrible neighbors in real life.

The real neighbors you want are ones who are courteous, quiet, and friendly. Or hot. Here are the seven television neighbors you'd want in real life:

The Chicago Tribune's Maureen Ryan has an interesting article on the hit FOX series House, including interviews with actor Robert Sean Leonard (who plays Dr. Wilson, both friend and foil to the incorrigible Dr. House) and Katie Jacobs, the show's executive producer. Despite his character growing on fans, Leonard claims he wants to keep his role small so he has free time to spend with his wife. Ah, that's sweet. We also get some insight into Hugh Laurie, who plays the titular role. Apparently Laurie is very self-critical when it comes to his American accent. Personally, I think he does it flawlessly, which is more than I can say for Michael Caine.

Oh yeah, and a reminder to House fans that the first part of a two-part episode airs this evening.

Despite the headline to this article which reads "JLo and Travolta set to do Dallas" neither of those actors are officially tied to the movie remake of the popular 1980s primetime soap opera. Director Robert Luketic has offered them roles, however, so it remains to be seen. Travolta would play JR Ewing, while Lopez would play Sue Ellen, his wife. Also in negotiations are Luke Wilson, who would play Bobby (he'd make a great Bobby, actually) and Shirley MacLaine, who would play Miss Ellie, the kind matriarch originally played by the late Barbara Bel Geddes. I'm mildly interested in the casting decisions for this movie, but it's diluted by the fact that this is yet another example of no one being able to come up with an original idea anymore.

But what the heck, let's have fun with it anyway. Who would you pick to play these roles?