TVSquad

A&E, the cable network that is slowly becoming no arts nor entertainment, has signed on another tabloid favorite celebrity to bare her life for the camera.

Kirstie Alley will join the network's neverending list of celebrity reality shows. This one will focus on her neverending battle with weight loss as she raises her kids. The network has ordered 10 episodes of the new series.

In other words, it's every other family-related reality show you've ever seen except this one will star Kirstie Alley.

Eliminations on The Biggest Loser are always heart-wrenching. Much as the contestants hate being away from their families, they've made the decision to try out for the show, and once they're there, the last thing they want to do is go home and back to their unhealthy habits.

Many of them truly are fighting for their life, and you just know that without the motivation of laying it all out there on TV -- not to mention the grueling paces that Bob and Jillian put them through -- some of them might never gain control over their weight.

(S05E01) Is there a word that describes the feeling of "missing fictional characters?" If not, there ought to be one. Flurj, maybe, to take a word from last week's wonderful SNL cold open. As in, "I don't know about you guys, but I flurjed the hell out of Jim and Pam and Michael and Dwight all summer long."

What about you guys? Did you flurj your friends at The Office? Well, everything is a-okay now. Your fictional friends from Dunder-Mifflin are back, and your good buddy Jay (quite possibly fictional, we're working it out in therapy) is back reviewing every episode mere seconds after it's aired! So, sit back, relax, and sharpen your commenting fingers! On to the review!

(S03E02) NBC, what're you trying to do to me? Another two hour episode this week?!?! You're testing my patience and the patience of the flood of fans who dropped by here at TVS last week to leave comments. Okay, there were exactly two comments last week, both from viewers who stated their intention to watch America's Next Top Model instead anyway. No doubt a double-sized Loser is just what is needed to reel viewers in. Here is my plea to reality show producers: if you're going to run two hours a night, make it two episodes -- that is, two challenges, two eliminations, don't just pad out an extra hour.

Anyway, here goes ...

(S03E01) I don't watch that much reality television, but I like this one because it seems to work for the contestants. And maybe for viewers too: last season I watched and got inspired, losing fifty pounds myself. So I've been looking forward to this.

But wait a minute: Jillian Michaels -- the tougher of the two trainers in earlier seasons is gone, much to my disappointment. Had I paid attention when she announced her departure months ago, maybe I wouldn't have tuned in tonight. I really like how she drove the men's team last year, and they seemed to love her too. That, and this time there are fifty contestants to wade through. One from each state in the union. The obese nation theme gets a lot a play early on. But fairly quickly they're whittled down to a manageable group of 14: seven men and seven women. Unlike last year, they are not divvied up into teams based on gender. The other 36 will continue the challenge on their own at home. However, the parade of fifty hopeful contestants marching down the hill to the Biggest Loser Ranch is an impressive sight. (Spoilers after the jump.)