TVSquad

Apparently, there are a lot of medical emergencies in the Hamptons - deflated boobs, dying socialites, hemophiliac kids. And apparently, there is also a shortage of doctors in the area that is so bad everyone is clamoring to be attended to by a visiting doctor from out of town who has just been conveniently ostracized for having let a hospital trustee die in his care.

That's the basics of Royal Pains, USA's latest edition to its "characters welcome" line-up. Unfortunately for Doctor Hank Lawson, the physician in the center of this maelstrom of health issues, none of his patients are particularly interesting, which means I didn't care if they lived or died or if any of their wounds were healed properly. Nor did I care if the overly ambitious would-be doctor's assistant Divya got her wish that Lawson hang his shingle in the Hamptons. Or if his brother found a way to get laid.

10 - Survivor, CBS

9 - Ghost Whisperer, CBS

8 - The Bachelor, ABC

7 - The Unit, CBS

6 - At least one CSI, CBS

5 - At least one Law & Order, NBC/USA Network

4 - Brothers & Sisters, ABC

3 - Private Practice, ABC

2 - American Idol, FOX

1 - Grey's Anatomy, ABC

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The final season of the show that made USA famous for something other than playing non-stop reruns of Wings is turning into a reunion special. Or should I say a special reunion?

Bitty Schram, the actress who played Sharona, Adrian Monk's original partner in fighting crime on Monk, will return for an episode sometime during the show's eighth and final season.

This will mark her first appearance on the comedy-mystery since she mysteriously disappeared from the show halfway through the third season. It should also make for an interesting close to a series that has redefined the way the higher channels on the dial create and produce their own series.

Sing with me: here's a story about a doctor who is busy caring for rich folks in New York... Okay, it doesn't have the bouncy tune of a Sherwood Schwartz theme song, but this new USA show sounds like fun.

USA has picked up Royal Pains, a new summer series starring Mark Feuerstein as Hank Lawson, M.D., a doctor who is on-call to some of the most demanding patients around, the richie-riches who live in the fashionable Hamptons of Long Island.

There are a few reasons to be psyched about this new drama. For starters, it's coming from the same network that brings us Psych, not to mention Burn Notice, Starter Wife and In Plain Sight. In other words, USA has been doing very well in developing idiosyncratic, interesting comedy-drama series. There's no reason to think that Royal Pains will be a dud.

(S01E09) If you've invested in this show from the start -- as I have -- here was a really welcome episode to fill in the blanks. Finally, we were given a little back story about Mary, the place she's living, her obnoxious family, her frustrations with her life and even Marshall's unrequited (or so he thinks) leering for his partner. There was even some good character stuff for Bobby D -- whom Mary colorfully calls a "little prick" -- which was really nice.

I liked the case of a Chicago cop doing a "Serpico" -- going undercover to rat out police corruption -- and winding up killing a fellow officer in self-defense and being forced into Witness Protection was on target. And unlike the ridiculous Russian girl in the pilot who was asking WITSEC for new breasts, this was a realistic relocation. He resented being stuck in Albuquerque, and proving that he wasn't a stone, he was attracted to Mary. Of course, Mary did cross a line by sleeping with the guy, but that was all right, too, because it proved that she wasn't a stone, too. And since it was back story, it was pre-Raphael.

(S01E08) In what might have been one of the stranger episodes, there was a point in the voiceover where Mary comments her clients, Ruth and Don. They're devout Catholics, but they hate each other and want to split. They don't because they cannot get an annulment. When Mary urges them to just get a divorce, saying that as a Catholic she understand them, they say they'll continue to suffer because it's God's will. That's when Mary's VO is, "Okay, too weird for me."

That's how I felt about this show. While it was an interesting examination of a couple facing a dilemma while at the same time being in Witness Protection, there were elements that made me cringe.

(S07E01) It seems like only yesterday when Monk, the ultimate obsessive compulsive Sherlock Holmes, began on USA Network, and now here it is the start of its seventh season. In all that time, for a man who doesn't like change at all, Adrian Monk has had to endure quite a bit of upheaval. The untimely death last April of actor Stanley Kamel, who played Monk's security blanket/therapist Dr. Kroger, was written into this premiere episode, in -- what I believe -- was a very subtle, graceful way.

Monk's sudden displeasure with his home is rooted in his discomfort in his life now that Dr. Kroger is gone. The ultimate egotist, in that Monk cares most for himself, Adrian is desperate to throw himself into work to avoid the irritating piano-playing coming from the little girl across the street and disturbing the sanctuary of his home. Kudos to the new therapist, Dr. Bell, for connecting the dots and quickly sizing up why Monk finds the music so displeasing.

Debra Messing's Emmy-award winning miniseries The Starter Wife is getting some new cast members. Joining the former Will and Grace star are David Alan Bashe of Lipstick Jungle, Danielle Nicolet of Heartland, Brielle Barbusca of Hope & Faith, and Hart Bochner of Die Hard.

The USA original series follows the post-divorce hi-jinx of Molly Kagan (Messing) as she embarks on a new chapter in her life. USA is bringing back the hit miniseries for ten episodes this fall. Messing is now executive producer as well.

Bashe will play Molly's ex-husband, Kenny Kagen. Nicolet will play Liz Marsh, Molly's new friend and wife a a pro-baseball player. Barbusca will play Jaden, Molly and Kenny's daughter. And Bochner will play Molly's new love interest and writing class teacher. Returning for guest appearances is Joe Mantegna of Criminal Minds who plays Molly's former boyfriend Lou Manahan.

The series will premiere on USA in October. What do you think? Will The Starter Wife work as a full-fledged series?

Miami in June is hot. Very hot. On the set of Burn Notice, however, everything is cool. In fact, when I arrive at the Coconut Grove studios where the USA spy drama is shot, I find myself smack dab in the middle of a full-fledged film studio.

The old convention center, where I remember going to an indoor flea market in the late 1970s, has been completely transformed. There are trailers, production offices, standing sets, all geared up and working to bring Burn Notice back for season two.

So, I'm watching a new episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent on USA Network this past Sunday and, like all upstanding Americans do, I was flipping through the channels during a commercial break. As I passed by these channels at the speed of light my eye caught something on Bravo. It was another episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Not a new episode, mind you, just a repeat of a repeat of a repeat that Bravo airs during their Sunday night block.

Now, you're probably saying to yourself 'So what? Cable channels are allowed to air whatever they damn well please.' Well, after lecturing you about your tone of voice I would mention that you had a point. But, thanks to the wonderful world of corporate synergy, your argument would not meet the mustard. You see, Bravo is under the huge umbrella known as NBC Universal, which is the same company that owns USA Network, which is currently airing new episodes of Law & Order: CI on Sunday nights. With all of this information at hand the following question comes to mind:

Who the hell is programming these networks?

So, I'm minding my own business the other day, watching one of last season's Burn Notice episodes in anticipation of the new season, when I see a commercial that made me laugh out loud. It was a promotion for the new season of Psych. Gus and Shawn (Dule Hill and James Roday) in a familiar-looking black and white set, at a grand piano, sitting side by side singing "Ebony and Ivory." It was hilarious. So funny that I decided you had to see it. (below)

James Roday laying on a Paul McCartney accent. The giant keyboard with the title Psych where Steinway should be. Dule Hill in the Stevie Wonder part, with impossibly wide collar flaps and a toothy grin.

Hey everyone! This time we've got five copies of Burn Notice - Season One on DVD for five lucky, random commenters. The DVD is available in stores starting tomorrow.

To enter, simply leave a comment below before 5:00PM Eastern, Friday, June 20 simply telling us if you're planning to catch Burn Notice's second season this year. As always, we'll randomly choose five winners amongst the eligible entries. Some other details:
Click here for complete Official Rules.

Embedded below, the series premiere episode ...

(S01E03) For a change of pace, In Plain Sight opted for a mainly comic episode. The results were mixed. The comedy wasn't really all that funny, and the plot was plagued by more than a few inconsistencies and holes. But once again, what's keeping viewers from switching to another channel is Mary McCormack as Mary Shannon. She's really a compelling actress, and this Mary Shannon is a complicated mess of a very cool character.

Mary's newest witness to be protected is a con artist, bigamist scumbag -- Mary's words -- named Treena. She ripped off her previous husband while on a Hawaiian honeymoon, getting away with $10 million in conflict diamonds before being arrested by the FBI. When Mary is forced to take Treena under her wing, she makes no secret of her antipathy for people of her ilk, saying, "God I hate con artists, even more than murderers."

There's an instant conflict between Treena and Mary, the uncooperative witness and unhappy marshal. Mary suspects that Treena is playing her and the system. She warns her that if you hang onto garbage from your past, sooner to later it starts to stink.

The machinations to get Treena into the WITSEC program is the first leap of faith in the episode. The second comes when she allows her picture to appear in the newspaper, announcing her sixth wedding.

(S01E01) You know that commercial that says, "The real question is, when you turn your car on, does it return the favor?" Well, over at USA Network, the question isn't whether "Characters Welcome" is their slogan, it's "Do I want to welcome these characters into my world?" In the case of their newest drama, In Plain Sight, the answer is...I don't think so.

The series presents Mary McCormack (The West Wing) as Mary Shannon, a U.S. Marshal for the Witness Protection Program, living and working in Albuquerque, New Mexico. To say that Mary is a bitch is an understatement. She's aggressive and grumpy and hard to take. As the pilot played out, Mary showed glimpses of a softer side, a need to fix the problems of others that led to her career protecting and serving those in the Witness Protection Program. However, unlike USA's other quirky character dramas, In Plain Sight doesn't have the charm of Burn Notice, the wit of PSYCH, nor the whimsy of Monk. It may be that this pilot was just overstuffed with too much of Mary's life, but overall, there's not much in Mary Shannon's life worth watching.

Just when you think it's over, they pull it back in! Actually, I think this is great news and nothing to bemoan. USA Network has ordered 16 new episodes of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. The third spin-off from NBC's venerable -- 18 seasons strong -- Law and Order, CI moved to USA -- part of the NBCU family -- last year after six years on NBC. What's the difference between the shows on NBC and the shows on USA? Absolutely nothing. The quality of the show and the talent in front and behind the camera has remained the same, so I'm really happy that there'll be new L&O: CI in the future. I prefer scripted drama to more reality TV.