TVSquad

(S05E01) Is there a word that describes the feeling of "missing fictional characters?" If not, there ought to be one. Flurj, maybe, to take a word from last week's wonderful SNL cold open. As in, "I don't know about you guys, but I flurjed the hell out of Jim and Pam and Michael and Dwight all summer long."

What about you guys? Did you flurj your friends at The Office? Well, everything is a-okay now. Your fictional friends from Dunder-Mifflin are back, and your good buddy Jay (quite possibly fictional, we're working it out in therapy) is back reviewing every episode mere seconds after it's aired! So, sit back, relax, and sharpen your commenting fingers! On to the review!

In a media crossover, People magazine is coming to TV screens. ABC has scheduled an hour-long special called Half Their Size: The People Magazine Weight Loss Challenge for Sept. 30 at 10 p.m.

The franchise began in People in 2002, and focuses on folks who need to shed more than a few pounds -- preferably, half their size. Obviously, the magazine stories have been a big hit, since anything about losing weight is always a big hit.

The show will focus on eight residents of Mississippi -- the nation's "heaviest" state -- for a nine-month period to see how their lives change through diet and exercise.

Can a TV show centered around the $46 billion herbal weight loss industry be interesting? We'll soon find out, because HBO has greenlit a pilot called Fat Sells.

The story will center on the head of a weight loss company, and how his life starts to unravel when the FDA begins investigating the company's claims.

Forest Whitaker is attached to exec produce (and possibly direct the pilot), along with Dave Broome, who served as exec producer on The Biggest Loser. Hmmm ... wonder if he has some insider info he'll bring to this project.

A day hasn't gone by where we haven't received some sort of tip or email asking us, the TV Squad, how to get on [insert reality show here]. Unfortunately no, Simon Cowell does not work for us, and Donald Trump isn't my BFF, so we really can't help all that much.

The folks at RealityWanted.com often send us a list of new and existing reality shows that are looking for new, er, talent, and they've given us permission to make mention of them here. We'll try to make this a regular feature as often as we get a new list.

This time we have The Biggest Loser, America's Best Dance Crew and other new shows.

Because what I'm about to write may come across as sounding harsh and insensitive, let me preface all of this by saying that I love The Biggest Loser and have nothing but the utmost respect for the contestants and what they go through on the show.

In a world saturated with reality shows, The Biggest Loser is one of the few that still comes across as "real." You can't script a 100lb. weight loss.

With that out of the way, let me get to the point: I've had enough of these whiners doing nothing but hug each other and cry. The biggest culprits? The brothers, Mark and Jay. If tears contained calories, these two men would be skin and bones.

A day hasn't gone by where we haven't received some sort of tip or email asking us, the TV Squad, how to get on [insert reality show here]. Unfortunately no, Simon Cowell does not work for us, and Donald Trump isn't my BFF, so we really can't help all that much.

The folks at RealityWanted.com often send us a list of new and existing reality shows that are looking for new, er, talent, and they've given us permission to make mention of them here. We'll try to make this a regular feature as often as we get a new list.

This time we have Big Brother, The Biggest Loser, I'm With the Band and other new shows.

A day hasn't gone by where we haven't received some sort of tip or email asking us, the TV Squad, how to get on [insert reality show here]. Unfortunately no, Simon Cowell does not work for us, and Donald Trump isn't my BFF, so we really can't help all that much.

The folks at RealityWanted.com often send us a list of new and existing reality shows that are looking for new, er, talent, and they've given us permission to make mention of them here. We'll try to make this a regular feature as often as we get a new list.

This time we have Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, Shear Genius, I Can Do That and other new shows.

A lot of people are worried that NBC has suddenly changed into a reality/game show channel. Not only has NBC had Deal Or No Deal, The Apprentice, 1 vs. 100, and The Biggest Loser on the schedule for a few seasons, they now also have American Gladiators, Nashville Star, a game show hosted by Dennis Miller called Amnesia, America's Favorite Mom, and My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad. And don't forget the Bernie Mac reality show Welcome to the Family. They aren't the only network to have reality/game shows, but they seem to be taking the lead in getting the most on the air (and canceling scripted shows).

Now NBC chief Ben Silverman tells The Los Angeles Times that he meant that this is just a temporary thing, because of the strike. They are still picking up scripted sitcoms and dramas and things will go back to normal after the strike is over.

• At 8, FOX has a new American Idol.
• ABC has a new Just For Laughs at 8.
• NBC has a new, two hour Biggest Loser at 8, followed by a new Law and Order: SVU.
• At 9, ABC has a new According To Jim, then a new Carpoolers.
• There's a new One Tree Hill on The CW at 9.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9.
• TLC has two new episodes of something called The Bussey Bunch.
• Also at 9: ESPN2 has more coverage of The Australian Open.
• At 10, CBS has a new 48 Hours Mystery.
• FX has a new Nip/Tuck at 10.
• A&E has two new episodes of Parking Wars starting at 10.

Check your local TV listings for more.

"They hit us with everything they had, and now they're out of bullets." - Donald Trump

Trump is talking about CSI and Grey's Anatomy, his competition on Thursday nights. The newest version of Trump's show, Celebrity Apprentice, is actually doing well in the ratings. Other reality shows are doing well too, including American Gladiators, The Biggest Loser, and even (God help us) Supernanny. Which begs the question: do most viewers even give a s**t about scripted shows?

I write the introductions to my articles after I write the articles themselves. This is because I find the introductions the hardest part and, remembering the advice I got from the introduction to the S.A.T.s, when I run into a problem I can't easily solve, it's a good idea for me to go to the next question and return later.

This introduction, however, was easy to write. That's because my wife wrote it for me. She read the column and then turned to me and said, "Wow, you're gonna get crucified for this." I asked her, "Worse than my Simpsons essay?" She said, "The reaction to this will make the Simpsons essay look like a fawning Office review. I agree with it, and I'm sure a lot of other people will as well, but the ones that don't... Wow, they are just gonna hate you!" So, uh, thanks honey. Now, on to the crucifying...

The fourth season of NBC's hit reality show The Biggest Loser took a bow last night and during the finale, viewers saw some of the most amazing weight loss success stories the program has ever featured. I'm not huge on reality shows and don't often stick with them, but even I'll admit it -- this season of TBL was a good one.

The winner was Bill Germanakos, seen at right before the competition started. Over the course of four months at The Biggest Loser campus, Bill lost a whopping 164 pounds and took home the win. Let the endorsements begin.

Running in today's USA Today, Bill is already being featured prominently in an ad campaign we all know: Got Milk? Makes sense I suppose. He's now a nationally recognized poster boy for weight loss. That being said... I don't remember him ever having a glass of milk during the course of the season. If we're to believe all the product placements that The Biggest Loser features, then all the contestants ate were Nabisco 100 Calorie packs, Subway sandwiches, and Jennie-O turkey sausage links. I suppose they had to wash it all down with something.

You can see Bill's "Got Milk?" ad after the jump.

It was NBC's turn today to announce what its winter schedule would look like. The press release states that "NBC's first-quarter primetime schedule is slated to deliver significantly more hours of original programming than was ever the case in the first quarter of 2007." Besides the expected crop of reality and game shows, NBC's winter schedule will be filled with new episodes of series like ER, Friday Night Lights, Las Vegas, Medium, Scrubs and all three versions of Law & Order. Also added to the lineup will be Lipstick Jungle, a new dramedy starring Lindsay Price, Kim Raver and Brooke Shields.

• At 8, ABC has A Charlie Brown Christmas (hopefully they'll show it again closer to Christmas), then the season finale of Dancing with the Stars.
• CBS has a new NCIS at 8, followed by new episodes of The Unit and Cane.
• NBC has a new Biggest Loser at 8, then a new Law and Order: SVU.
• FOX has new episodes of Bones and House.
• There's a new Beauty and the Geek on The CW at 8, followed by a new Reaper.
• At 9, HGTV has a new Decorating Cents, then a new 24 Hour Design.
• Hallmark has John Denver in The Christmas Gift at 9.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs at 9, then a new Everest: Beyond the Limit.
• At 10, FX has a new Nip/Tuck.
• TLC has a new Miami Ink at 10.
• Also at 10: Bravo has a new Real Housewives of Orange County.
• At 10:15, TCM has The Hustler.

Check your local TV listings for more.

So, I was going to do a list about the most villainous women of reality TV but then I thought...wouldn't a list of bad-ass women be way more interesting? Being bad is overrated (almost as overrated as being good). But being bad-ass, now that's a tricky balancing act, one that is way more intriguing.

This list therefore is dedicated to the women of reality TV that make being bad look oh so good. And no, Omarosa Stallworth-whatever is NOT on the list. I'll explain why after the jump.