TVSquad

(S09E01) Welcome back to another year of "the show that wouldn't die". This year, we've been given a target in the first episode that in one year, Clark will somehow destroy the world. However, this was told to him by a Kryptonian ninja woman who is apparently from the past and working for this year's big bad, so her word may not exactly be trustworthy.

The writers have turned Chloe into the new Lana. My sympathies to Allison Mack for being given that tragic role. The special effects of the derailed train in the beginning were pretty cool. I hope they didn't blow the entire season's budget on it.

Stop reading now if you don't want to be spoiled regarding the beginning of season eight of Smallville. We already know that the new season takes a different direction, as Lana Lang goes part-time, Lex Luthor is gone and Doomsday is in. At least Allison Mack is staying.

Spoilers after the jump ...

(S07E07) Okay, this was the first time I ever watched Smallville and had my jaw drop. Seriously. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. Let's examine the facts: Lana and Clark are deep into dating mode. Plus, she's been staying at the Kent farm with him ever since she's returned from the dead. However, they've apparently not be able to um ... consummate that relationship because of Clark's superpowers. I guess if he gets amorous with someone, he might accidentally hurt them. Not to mention burn the place down, which he used to do when he'd get turned on.

While it's not clear how they've been getting around this, they sure didn't have to worry about it on this episode. Clark gets struck by lightning while close to some kryptonite, and his powers get transferred to someone else. Yes, again. However, this time he gets to keep his powers, and Lana is the beneficiary of the souped-up abilities. How do they celebrate this event? By knocking boots. Literally. They have such powerful sex that it causes seismic waves across Smallville. In fact, they practically destroy the Kent farm in the process. Holy cow.

(S07E06) Shades of Superman past! Kara getting sent off-world by her Dad Zor-El while Krypton starts to come apart around her? Egads. Plus all of that crystalline Kryptonian architecture that the Superman: The Movie provided us with. Then snap cut to Kara almost getting run down in the sky by a jetliner in a really nice special effects shot that probably blew their budget for a show to come later in the season featuring nothing but talking heads. Yes, this episode of Smallville begins with a bang.

However, that bang turned until a turning stomach once I had to witness that Lionel / Clark hug. Is it me or was that a pretty bizarre and awkward man-embrace? Clark's gone from hating to loving the Luthors more times than I can count, but hugging Lionel? I never thought I'd see the day.

(S06E15) Whoa, Smallville has a bowling alley? Who knew? What other secret little getaways is this town hiding? Do they have a roller rink? An arcade? Come on, Clark playing Defender, that's just aching for a write-in. Of course, if you had telekinesis would you be using it to score babes on the lanes? I can't think of a better place to put it to good use, except maybe cheerleading practice. Then he could reenact Zapped all over again, sans Scott Baio.

Also, is it just me, or did the premise of this episode seem a little bit like Heroes? You've got a guy tracking down meteor freaks, and stealing 'em away for some devious purpose. There was no Horn Rimmed Glasses dude, but someone creepily close to him. If you put a set of those spex on Dr. Bethany, I bet he'd look a lot like that dude. He does Lex's dirty work, seems to have no trouble getting in and out of the mansion, and has a good cover story as a doc to hide behind. Plus that really nifty ray-gun. Hmm.

Remember that Aquaman pilot for The CW that was rejected, then revived as a mid-season replacement? Well, forget about it again. It's not coming back at all.

But there's good news for Justin Hartley, the guy who played the ocean-dwelling superhero in the pilot: he's going on another superhero show on The CW. Hartley will play The Green Arrow on at least seven episodes of Smallville. Sounds like a meaty part and a good one. The Green Arrow is trying to form the Justice League and wants Clark to join.

• Adventures of Superman - The Complete 3rd and 4th Seasons
• Justice League - Season 2
• The King of Queens - The 5th Season
• Krypto the Superdog - Volume 1: Cosmic Canine
• Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - The Complete 3rd Season
• Married... with Children - The Complete 5th Season
• The Mary Tyler Moore Show - The Complete 4th Season
• NewsRadio - Season 4
• NYPD Blue - The Complete 4th Season
• Superboy - The Complete 1st Season
• Superman: The Animated Series - Brainiac Attacks; Volume 3

(S05E21) Whew. I don't know how I feel about last night's episode. Basically, it confused the crap out of me, but I think that was the point. It was all just a tease for the finale, which is next Thursday.

Still, there was a lot of stuff that the writers could have tidied up a bit. Namely, the Kryptonian Alphabet.How come Clark can't read Kryptonian letters? Didn't he learn Kryptonian back in like Season 2? Here is Lionel handing him a treasure map of Kryptonian goodness and Clark just shrugs and goes, "What does it say? I don't know." That was just dumb.

Warner Brothers is going Superman-crazy. They've dubbed June 20th "Superday," because they are releasing an onslaught of DVDs from the Superman universe.

• The first season of Superboy
• The first volume of Krypto
• The direct-to-video Brainiac Attacks cartoon
• Seasons 3 and 4 of The Adventures Of Superman
• The second season of Justice League
• Volume 3 of Superman: The Animated Series
  
• The third season of Lois and Clark
• A special DVD set that will contain the first season Smallville, the first season of Lois and Clark, and the first season of The Animated Series.

If you are Jerry Seinfeld, this day is going to cost you a fortune.