TVSquad

A long time ago (well, 31 years ago) in a galaxy far, far away (Television City isn't technically a different galaxy, unless you consider TV producers to be people who don't spend much time on planet Earth), an evil was unleashed upon the human race.

Today marks the 31st anniversary of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special, a Christmas not-so-spectacular roasted by critics including some here at TV Squad years after it hit the air and even some of the franchise's most ardent fans.

That also includes George Lucas who once remarked at an Australian convention that he wished he could buy up all of the world's remaining copies of the show and smash them into oblivion with a sledgehammer. I wonder if 31 years from now, he'll be saying the same thing about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace?

Where would we be without the hallowed television Christmas special? We would be engaged in enthralling conversations with relatives who like to give the backstory about the gall bladder operation pictures they still carry in their wallet. We would be playing defense against every breakable item in the house while the neighbor's kids get enough sugar in their systems to power the Space Shuttle. We would not only have to muster the courage to taste Grandma's homemade rum and Kahula fruitcake, but also to pretend that we like it without our stomach turning inside out, crawling up our esophagus and out of our mouth.

Even if those scenarios will be true for you on Dec. 25, I offer you my pity as my Christmas gift. Plus, you still would rather spend it listening to ol' Uncle Hernia Scar than watching one of these holiday hams.