TVSquad

The Guinness Book of World Records folks put a cap on last week's Comic-Con International festivities by handing out official records to several of the convention's most popular TV franchises, including The Simpsons and Doctor Who (right).

The Guinness Book recognized Doctor Who as Most Successful Sci-fi TV Show -- as it premiered in 1963 and is now readying its 32nd complete season.

Stargate held that title incorrectly in a previous edittion of the "Book of Records" before Guinness fixed the mistake.

Gadgets have always fascinated me. And it's not because of what you can do with them. It's what you CAN'T do with them. The day my microwave can cook my dinner, then feed it to me while it's cleaning my toilet, de-crumbing the toaster, and doing my taxes is the day my interest in gadgets dies.

The most impressive aspects of gadgetry are how much you can customize them to fit your taste and personality. Just a few years ago, having a Dilbert screen saver that didn't send your hard drive into an epileptic fit was the epitome of "personal" computing.

Now you can change the way it looks from every angle, the way it thinks, and even the way it talks. TomTom unveiled a new voice skin for their GPS devices. Now Homer Simpson, the actual voice of Homer Simpson voiced by Dan Castellanetta, can guide you to locations and it doesn't have to be a dispensery of donuts.

Some things you never wanted to know about me, but that I'm going to tell you anyway: I'm 32 years old, 6'3" tall, and I weigh 235 hairy, pasty pounds. I have a weak chin and very strong glasses. I'm not balding (yet!) but I've got a head reminiscent of The Leader from the Incredible Hulk comics. Seriously, in a pinch, Sully Sullenburger could land a jet on my forehead.

Looking at myself in the mirror after a shower the other day, I came to some realizations. I'll probably never play in the NBA. It's doubtful that a woman will ever use me Brad-Pitt-in-Thelma-and-Louise style. Should my comedy career catch fire, it will be more Ray Romano than Dane Cook.

These are the facts and they are undisputed.

In the spirit of my heartbreaking realizations, I figured I'd list some of the sad (but undeniable) truths about television ...

I've always had this theory that even the worst songs in the world can sound better if you play them on an acoustic guitar. You can take the most insipid sitcom theme song or the most bombastic heavy metal tune, and when you play the song on an acoustic guitar, it suddenly becomes more profound, more deep, just better somehow.

The folks over at Best Week Ever have complied a great set of videos that show people doing the theme songs to various TV shows on various instruments. Some of them are pretty straightforward with normal instruments (for example, a small orchestra doing the Muppet Show theme and Family Matters done on piano), while others are rather odd and unexpected, like the parrot doing the Andy Griffith Show theme or The Love Boat performed on a theremin. After the jump, one of my favorites: the theme to Baywatch performed by a guy on an acoustic guitar. He even has his shirt off like a lifeguard and shows pics from the show.

I still don't get that MacGyver theme on the ruler though.

• At 7, ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, followed by a new, two-hour Extreme Makeover.
  
• CBS has a new 60 Minutes at 7, then new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and The Unit.
  
• NBC has a new Dateline at 7, followed by new episodes of Kings and Celebrity Apprentice.
  
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons.
• HBO has the series premiere of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency at 8.
• Disney has a new Sonny with a Chance at 8.
• At 9, FOX has a new Family Guy, then a new American Dad.
• PBS has a new Masterpiece Classic at 9.
• MTV has a new Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory at 9, followed by new episodes of Bully Beatdown and Nitro Circus.
• Also at 9: Comedy Central has the standup special Jim Gaffigan: King Baby.
• At 10, AMC has a new Breaking Bad.
• Showtime has a new United States of Tara at 10.
• At 11:45, Cartoon Network has a new Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
• At 12:15am, Cartoon Network has a new Delocated, then a new Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• Hallmark has a Golden Girls marathon all night.
• At 7, CBS has a new 60 Minutes, then a new Amazing Race and the movie Jesse Stone: Thin Ice.
• ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos at 7, followed by new episodes of Extreme Makeover and Brothers & Sisters.
• At 7:30, Disney has a new Hannah Montana, then new episodes of Sonny with a Chance and Wizards of Waverly Place.
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons, then a new King of the Hill.
• At 9, NBC has the season premiere of Celebrity Apprentice.
• Food Network has a new Iron Chef America at 9.
• HBO has a new Big Love at 9, followed by new episodes of Flight of the Conchords and East Bound & Down.
• Showtime has a new L Word at 9, then new episodes of The United States of Tara and Secret Life of a Call Girl.
• Also at 9: MTV has a new Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, then new episodes of CollegeHumor, Nitro Circus, and How's Your News?
• At 9:30, FOX has a new American Dad.
• At 12:30am, Cartoon Network has a new Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job.

Check your local TV listings for more.

I knew the Church of Scientology had a lot of reach in Hollywood to enlist big names like Tom Cruise, Edgar Winter and the guy from Taxi who keeps popping up on celebrity weight loss and rehab shows.

But now they have either grown too powerful or have completely lost whatever grip they had left on reality, which wasn't a whole hell of a lot to begin with. They have recruited a cartoon character.

Bart Simpson's voice appeared in a phone recording advertising a Scientologist gathering in Hollywood that was clearly voiced by Nancy Cartwright. Of course, the audio found its way to the Internet. 20th Century Fox has been scrambling to pull it off every corner of YouTube ever since Perez Hilton broke the story and Fox made him remove it. You can hear it here before Fox spoils the fun for the rest of us.

The TV neighbor has served many useful roles over the years; some that many thought had been lost by the unrelenting sands of time.

They've become the great modern philosopher like Wilson, the evolving thinker like Bill Dauterive, the bearer of bad news like Newman, and even the court jester -- as long as you don't count one of these guys.

Not only would we not want some of them living next door to us, we wouldn't want them living. Period. These are the annoying next-door neighbors who should have been run out by the Neighborhood Homeowners' Association with torches and pitchforks.

• At 7, ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, followed by new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
  
• CBS has a new 60 Minutes at 7, then new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and The Unit.
  
• NBC has a new Football Night in America at 7, followed by the Bears/Vikings game.
• The CW has the Jericho pilot at 7.
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons, then a new King of the Hill.
• Food Network has a new holiday Challenge at 8, followed by new holiday episodes of Iron Chef America and Throwdown with Bobby Flay.
• Nickelodeon has two new episodes of The Fairly OddParents at 8.
• HGTV has the special Home for the Holidays at 8.
• Also at 8: Showtime has a new Brotherhood, then new episodes of Dexter and Californication.
• At 9:30, FOX has a new American Dad.
• At 10, TBS has Cheech and Chong: Roasted.
• At 10:30, HBO has a new Summer Heights High, followed by a new Life & Times of Tim.
  
• At 11:45, Cartoon Network has a new Superjail.
• At 12:15am, Cartoon Network has a new The Drinky Crow Show.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 7, CBS has a new 60 Minutes, followed by new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and The Unit.
  
• NBC has a new Football Night in America, then the Giants/Eagles game.
• At 7:30, ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, then new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons, followed by new episodes of King of the Hill, Family Guy, and American Dad.
• ABC Family has the movie Dr. Doolittle: Tail to the Chief at 8.
• HGTV has the special Design on a Dime: Top 35 Secrets.
• Food Network has a new Challenge at 8.
• Showtime has a new Brotherhood at 8, followed by new episodes of Dexter and Californication.
• Also at 8: Style Network has the series premiere of Ruby.
• At 9, PBS has a new Masterpiece Contemporary.
• HBO has a new True Blood at 9, then new episodes of Entourage and Summer Heights High.
• At 10, Food Network has a new Chef Jeff Project.
• At 11:45, Cartoon Network has a new Superjail, followed by two new episodes of Xtacies.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 7 (or after NASCAR), ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, then new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
  
• CBS has a new 60 Minutes at 7, followed by new episodes of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and The Unit.
  
• NBC has a new Football Night in America, then the Patriots/Colts game.
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons, then new episodes of King of the Hill, Family Guy, and American Dad.
• Discovery has a new Mythbusters at 8.
• TCM has All The President's Men at 8.
• Also at 8: Showtime has the season premiere of Brotherhood, followed by new episodes of Dexter and Californication.
• At 9, PBS has a new Masterpiece Contemporary.
• HBO has a new True Blood at 9, followed by new episodes of Entourage and Little Britain.
• HGTV has a new House Hunters at 9.
• At 10, Lifetime has a new Army Wives.
• Food Network has a new Chef Jeff Project at 10.
• At 11:45, Cartoon Network has a new Superjail, then a new Young Person's Guide To History.

Check your local TV listings for more.

It looks like the Fox "Animation Domination" lineup will be changing. It took FOX long enough to put together a solid two hour block of animated cartoons on Sunday, but now comes word that the tides are a-changing. After thirteen years on the air, King of the Hill will wrap production at the end of this season. Of course, there will be new episodes in the can for airing even into next season. Not to mention that this isn't the first time Hill has been canceled, and ratings now are better than they were then. In fact, executive producer John Altschuler said, "It would be very odd for King of the Hill to not keep going."

At the same time, Seth MacFarlane's "other" show American Dad, has just been picked up for a fifth season. It makes sense for FOX to let King of the Hill go at this time, considering that Family Guy spin-off The Cleveland Show is waiting in the wings. On the other side, though, shouldn't they wait to see if that's going to work before they dump a solid perennial performer like Hill? The way they're going, Seth MacFarlane is going to own Sunday nights.

• At 7, CBS has a new 60 Minutes, then the season premieres of The Amazing Race, Cold Case, and The Unit.
  
• NBC has a new Football Night in America at 7, followed by the Eagles/Bears game.
• At 8, ABC has a new Extreme Makeover, then the season premieres of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters.
• FOX has the season premieres of The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and American Dad.
• At 9, PBS has a new Masterpiece Mystery.
• HBO has a new True Blood at 9, followed by a new Entourage and the series premiere of Little Britain USA.
• Showtime has the season premiere of Dexter at 9, then the season premiere of Californication.
• At 10, AMC has a new Mad Men.
• The season finale of Feasting on Waves airs on Food Network at 10.
• Also at 10: BBC America has a new Skins.
• At 10:30, E! has a new Sunset Tan.
• At 11:30, Cartoon Network has a new Robot Chicken, then the series premiere of Superjail.
• At 12:30am, Cartoon Network has a new Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job.

Check your local TV listings for more.

Due to the complicated and apparently outdated Emmy Awards nomination rules, prime-time animated shows like Family Guy, The Simpsons, American Dad, South Park and others have had to choose which Emmy category they want to compete in, animated or comedy series. Then, that decision impacts eligibility for writers and animators on those shows in other categories. Well, Family Guy is in a unique position this year, as their "Blue Harvest" Star Wars parody was classified as a special. And as the animated category looks at single episodes, Family Guy can submit "Blue Harvest" to the animated category, and the show itself, to comedy series.

I'd say it's a tremendous long shot that an animated show can be nominated over the live-action comedy series it will be facing. But there's always a first time for everything; when Disney's animated Beauty and the Beast picked up an Oscar nod for "Best Picture" it was groundbreaking in the same way. It's a tough debate. These shows compete with prime-time comedies every week and yet get put up against the likes of Spongebob Squarepants come awards time. How do you compare The Venture Brothers and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends?

• At 7, CBS has a new 60 Minutes, then a new Cold Case and two episodes of Dexter.
• ABC has a new America's Funniest Home Videos, followed by new episodes of Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters.
• NBC has a new Dateline at 7, then episodes of Monk and Psych.
• At 8, FOX has a new Simpsons, followed by a new King of the Hill, the season finale of Family Guy, and a new American Dad.
• There's a new Everybody Hates Chris on The CW at 8, then new episodes of Aliens in America and The Game.
• PBS has a new Nature at 8, followed by a new Masterpiece.
• Also at 8: TCM has the 1965 special Frank Sinatra: A Man and His Music.
• At 9, Showtime has a new episode of The Tudors, then the season premiere of This American Life.
• At 12:15am, Cartoon Network has a new Squidbillies, then a new Assy McGee.

Check your local TV listings for more.