TVSquad

"You look like Buddy Hackett after a bad clam." "Why don't you and I get a couple of whores?

This is why I love David Letterman.

Regis Philbin showed up on The Late Show last night, dressed as Shrek, part of a Broadway celebration he's doing on Live with Regis and Kelly. He says it took 2 1/2 hours to get into the makeup and then he had to wait while Letterman did other things. He looks a little like a green Joe Torre. More stunts like this and I think it could kill Reege.

September first brings Labor Day, back-to-school, impending autumn, and... Cinemax HD. TV Squad received a press release stating that as of September first, Cinemax will be the only 100% HD channel, promos and all.

So what's this mean to us as viewers? I'm having a hard time wrapping myself around this one. Sure, they mention some new-ish movies they will premiere, like The Bourne Ultimatum, Shrek the Third and The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. But to me, Cinemax is synonymous with B movies from a decade or so ago, one of those channels that you get for free in your cable TV movie package bbut never watch.

I know what you are thinking... your burning question that you are too embarrassed to ask...

Here are the weekly cable ratings, by number of viewers.

1. The Sopranos* (HBO)
2. WWE Monday Night RAW - 10pm (USA)
3. House of Payne (TBS)
4. Nextel Cup Racing (TNT)
5. WWE Monday Night RAW - 9pm (USA)
6. The Starter Wife (USA)
7. SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon)
8. Shrek (TBS)
9. SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon)
10. Ned's Declassified (Nickelodeon)

* After America's Got Talent, The Sopranos was the most watched show on TV last week, network or cable.

Every so often, MySpace will offer users the chance to gussy up their pages with special promotional images and backgrounds. Some, like myself, prefer doing it the old fashioned way and carrying large signs around the neighborhood telling everyone to see the new Transformers movie.

Comedians Tim and Eric (Tom Goes to the Mayor; Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!), however, don't care about Transformers, they care about Shrek the Third. That's right, not only have they changed the look of their MySpace page to honor the lovable ogre, they've also created a few videos to let people know the movie is coming out.

Joining the ranks of Frosty, Rankin-Bass' Rudolph and Charlie Brown's lonely Christmas tree is everyone's favorite ogre Shrek.

DreamWorks Animation SKG will be producing an original half-hour holiday special for ABC. The special Shrek the Halls will feature the voices of the entire original cast - Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy and Antonio Banderas.

We won't be seeing holiday-themed Shrek on the air until 2007. Why? Well, animation done right takes time, but so does building a lasting franchise. According to DreamWorks' Jeffrey Katzenberg, the events of Shrek the Halls will pick up after the events of the yet-to-be-released third Shrek film.

I'm sure the Shrek special will be great, but can anyone really top a dentist elf, unhappy Yeti and misfit reindeer? Shrek is so postmodern in its sensibility that I'm sure it will be incorporating references to all the classic holiday specials anyway. It's the dawning of a hyper-referential pop culture Christmas.