TVSquad

(S03E08) Ahh, my glorious return to the age of power... well sort of. All my power is back but the internet is still down. So I'm at the office and I feel like everyone has more to say about this episode than me because they all saw last week's installment. But I feel pretty caught up. I've read some other reviews and the "previously on Rescue Me" montage at the beginning of the show was pretty complete. All I'm saying is bear with me since I'm still trying to connect all the dots.

That being said, great opening sequence. Huge warehouse fire and some men from another house get trapped in the basement. The Probie was the only one not in the building yet and he risked his life to find the man down and got him out. It was huge. High fives, pats on the back. He was on cloud nine. He's definitely no longer The Probie after this act of courage. Though I wonder if the rest of the crew even know his real name is Mike?

(S05E14) This is it! We are down to the final two candidates for this season's The Apprentice. It should have been three candidates, but the last two female candidates (Allie and Roxanne) were fired by Trump last week for, well, being bitchy to each other in the boardroom. We are now left with Lee and Sean, who had won two consecutive tasks together as Gold Rush. So, let's take a look at the candidates, shall we? (Information courtesy of NBC, except for the stuff I made up.)

Twenty-two-year-old Lee is a recent graduate of Cornell University, where he graduated with a B.S. in policy analysis and management. He currently works as an analyst for one of the largest business/consulting firms in the world. Donald Trump has deemed Lee a politician for his extremely neutral stance about other Gold Rush team members during their frequent trips to the boardroom.

Recent United States citizen Sean (he obtained his Green Card in 1995) works as a director of business development for a recruitment consultancy firm, where he currently ranks as the top global salesperson. Born and raised in London, Sean loves to use the term wanker. In addition, as revealed in last week's episode, Sean has quite the crush on former Synergy team member Tammy.

Well, it looks like the stage is set, the lights are coming up, and the players are ready for the penultimate episode of The Apprentice.

(S05E13) Good evening. I have a brief statement, then I'll open the floor to questions.

I was informed by some commenters that my 'Xbox' joke, which appeared in last week's review of The Apprentice, was one of the worst ever written on Earth. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to say... You're so right! It was horrible; the worst piece of comedy ever written since the premiere of Cop Rock. I can't believe I took a telephone gag that has been expertly performed by Bob Newhart and turned it into a pile of poop. Mr. Newhart is probably rolling around in his grave right now. I have no... Excuse me, my phone is ringing.

Oh hi, Keith (the lovely Keith McDuffee, another head blogger at TV Squad). What? Bob Newhart is alive? Oh, what does it matter! The joke was horrible and now my public hates me! Excuse me? I get paid no matter what our commenters think?

Oh.

And now, heeeerrrrreeeee's The Apprentice!

(S05E11) Ah, Rutgers; my old alma mater. The parties, the drinking, the pretty cheerleaders, nights of debauchery, days of hanging out with your fraternity brothers or sorority sisters, throwing up in the alley behind the student center.

Well, at least that's what I've heard: I spent most of my time working at the university's radio station. Still, they were some of the best years of my young life and I don't regret going to one of the largest (if not the largest) public university's in the state of New Jersey. So, I headed into this episode of The Apprentice with a bit more excitement than usual as I looked forward to seeing the New Brunswick campus obtain a bit of national glory, and to watch the Synergies and the Goldy Rushies try to sell as much food as possible during the Homecoming game.

And now, the crappy college food that is known as The Apprentice.

And, we're back.

(S05E09) After a lovely respite last week, The Apprentice has returned to Monday nights to torture entice us with the confusion and the back-stabbing that is the corporate world. Just to review, Synergy has gone on a four-week rout against Gold Rush. In the two episodes before the break, Lenny and Leslie were let go from Gold Rush, and now the rest of the team members are ready for a bit of revenge.

Do they get their revenge? Will your favorite person be fired next? Is that real hair on Donald Trump's head? Am I asking too many questions?

All that, and more, will be answered as you click ahead to the toxic waste dump known as The Apprentice.