TVSquad

Even though the show has been on forever, I still enjoy my weekly dose of the new South Parks. But lately, they seem to be running out of targets or have narrowed their focus too much on one particular evil: reality television.

The season opener featured a rather nasty swipe at Disney's Jonas Brothers. The recent "Dead Celebrities" chortle-fest took a much needed pot shot at Ghost Hunters, aka, "the gayest f#*$ing show on television." And last week launched an all out attack on Discovery's Whale Wars and Deadliest Catch, particularly against Whale Wars star Paul Watson.

The show has always been a bitch to write and making every episode a satirical masterpiece is impossible without suffering a full-on breakdown. But should the show lay off reality TV and take some bolder shots at reality, which as we all know are two completely different things?

A&E, the cable network that is slowly becoming no arts nor entertainment, has signed on another tabloid favorite celebrity to bare her life for the camera.

Kirstie Alley will join the network's neverending list of celebrity reality shows. This one will focus on her neverending battle with weight loss as she raises her kids. The network has ordered 10 episodes of the new series.

In other words, it's every other family-related reality show you've ever seen except this one will star Kirstie Alley.

It's official, television is running out of things to turn into reality television. Wait, that means I'll be getting my own reality show soon. What the hell am I complaining about?

Scott Messick, the reality show guru behind Shaq Vs., Pros vs. Joes and Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge, has purchased the TV rights to make a reality show or reality shows around Lego.

Just imagine the possibilities! For one show, a team of builders would have to build something massive in a certain amount of time in order to win a prize. For another show, another team of builders would have to build something massive in a certain amount of time in order to win another prize. If the show was picked up by CMT, the team of builders would have to wear cowboy hats the whole time.

I can't even blame the cable networks for this anymore. The History Channel is expanding its repertoire of reality programs as a direct response to the record ratings they've seen with the ones they have now. What do we expect them to do when we don't show up to watch until they throw Ice Road Truckers and Pawn Stars at us? Apparently, we don't want history on the History Channel.

They've heard us, which is why The History Channel is bringing us more reality, starting with a spi-off of the aforementioned Truckers. Extreme Trucking will travel the world looking for the most treacherous roadways anywhere, and the brave men and women who drive them.

We can also look forward to traveling the US with Pickers, as people hunt for rare artifacts. And we'll get down and dirty with a 61-year old feud at a North Carolina NASCAR track with Madhouse. Even more unusual is Sliced, a series where objects are cut in half so we can see what they look like. Hey, if they cut a tree in half we can look at the history of it!

I've said before that So You Think You Can Dance is one of the few reality shows that I actually like, despite the fact that I'm not really one who appreciates dance as an artform. It's a show that I don't think exploits its contestants or talks down to its audience, and that seems to take its subject matter more seriously than, say American Idol or other talent shows. And last night's show was more proof for me.

On American Idol, we often hear that the more insulting advice from the judges is a form of tough love, and in some cases, they have a point. Some people think they can sing and just can't, and need to be told. And there are similar scenes on So You Think You Can Dance, and similarly, some people stomp off convinced that they are "it" instead of, well, something that rhymes.

But So You Think You Can Dance is much more up front and even aggressive about telling people how they can grow. The system is better - if you show promise but the judges aren't sure, you go to the "choreography" phase and you are shown fairly empirically what your faults are, and most contestants seem happy for the knowledge, and many of them do come back.

ABC's newest stunt game show Crash Course looks exactly like the kind of show that bloggers and critics watch just so they could put their "Suck Extinguishers" to good use.

And yet 45 minutes of TV viewing later, I'm not even feeling the need to break the protective glass. On the surface, it appears to be just another reality/game show with typical contestants having their ids scared for life for cash and/or prizes and most of it is just that.

And even though it met those stereotypical expectations, I still didn't hate it. Part of me actually kind of (gulp) enjoyed it. Did I just swallow my brains along with my pride?

I'm not a fan of reality shows. I know that's not a bold statement to make, and that reality shows are a fairly easy target. But I think they're boring after the first episode, for the most part. You pretty much know how it goes from there. Which one of the needy, self-esteem deficient bachelorettes the arrogant bachelor ends up with doesn't interest me (nor the opposite - which arrogant idiot catches the fancy of the bachelorette). Talent shows are usually just as bad, preying on their contestants' desperate need for recognition, and with wildly erratic and cynical judging.

So it's a surprise to me that there are two reality shows I actually do enjoy. There is The Amazing Race on CBS, which is currently in between seasons, and So You Think You Can Dance, which is in the beginning third on Fox. Generally, I don't feel stupid watching these two shows. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. In fact, every once in a while, I feel like I'm learning something.

It's not a show about nothing, but Jerry Seinfeld is coming back to your TV set. This time, he's exec producing an NBC reality series about marriage problems. Only it's not a drama, it's a comedy.

The Marriage Ref will feature celebrities, comedians and sports stars offering their advice to real-life couples in the midst of marital woes. Oh good grief, there's so much wrong with this concept. Where to begin ...

First of all, I'd like nothing more than to see Jerry Seinfeld on my TV again. But after being so successful in the sit-com arena, why for the love of God would he even think about stooping so low as to helm a reality series.

Second, marriage problems aren't funny. Sure, we laughed at Lucy and Ricky's squabbles and Ralph threatening Alice with "to the moon!" But these were situation comedies, not reality shows.

Have you ever wanted to audition for a reality television show, but didn't have enough sick leave to fake an illness for your boss or the patience to wait in lines that would rival the bread lines in Cold War Russia?

Mark Burnett has struck a deal that will let people produce their own audition tapes.

Burnett signed a deal with Studio One Media to supply high traffic areas with self-serve kiosks that let people put together their own tapes for a measly twenty bucks. They can also provide a web-based service that lets contestants upload their own videos.

Somehow, I never imagined that Sarah Jessica Parker's next TV gig after Sex and the City would be a reality show about art. In fact, it makes me a little sad thinking she'll be doing that instead of some fabulous new series with big stars and groovy music.

But, here you have it: Bravo has picked up an art competition reality show from Parker's Pretty Matches production company and producers Magical Elves. They're expected to announce the deal today at the Television Critics Association press tour, so Joel might have more info on this later.

The hour-long show is described by Elves' Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz as a Project Runway-style competition, only with art instead of fashion. Aspiring artists compete to produce various styles of artwork, including painting, sculpting, etc., which is then judged by a panel of experts.

Since the early days of TV Squad, we've covered realty programming in some capacity; we published news, episode reviews and commentary on whatever had viewers talking. I think back then we were covering Survivor, American Idol and perhaps The Amazing Race. We had a decent balance of reality and non-reality posts, and everyone seemed happy.

As the years went on, that balance shifted. The reality shows we were covering were only increasing in popularity, and more shows came in to ride the wave. As we sat back and watched some of the newer shows break onto the scene with little posting from us, the readers demanded our take. The monstrosity of Reality TV was something we couldn't ignore, so we provided.

Then we reached the breaking point.

Just when you thought awards shows couldn't get any longer, The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences announced that reality show hosts are eligible to receive Emmys. This year's 60th Annual Emmy Awards will include a category called Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program.

The academy named popular hosts like Ryan Seacrest, Tom Bergeron, Samantha Harris, and Howie Mandel as possible nominees. Ty Pennington, Tyra Banks, and Jeff Foxworthy are also eligible. I'm not surprised that reality hosts are getting this opportunity. The Emmys have had categories for Outstanding Reality Program and Reality-Competition Program since 2001 and 2003, respectively.

Once upon a time, in the 1960's, the TV landscape was rife with westerns. In the 1970s, it was detective shows. Nowadays, the same can be said for reality shows, and it seems there's no end in sight to the genre. Today, CBS reported two new reality programs in development. Splitsville, which was previously announced, is now going into production. The marital-based series, which comic Jamie Kennedy is executive producing, is not about happy unions. It sounds more like Divorce Court meets Let's Make A Deal, with divorcing husbands and wives battling over their belongings in a series of competitive challenges. Hmm...can't wait to root for those people!

Have you ever read TV Squad and said to yourself, "Hey, I wish there was a speedy, five minute podcast about this site hosted by someone with a mildly annoying South Jersey accent?" If you have, there are two things you should know: 1) your prayers have been answered and 2) you're a dangerously deranged person. Seriously, you should talk to someone before your problems get out of hand.

But before you do that, you should go ahead and download our brand new weekly podcast, TV5. Every Friday I'll be bringing you a five minute rundown of five of our most interesting stories. Why five? Because we here at TV Squad like prime numbers and TV34301 seemed like overkill. Enjoy!

(Music provided courtesy of Kevin MacLeod.)

A day hasn't gone by where we haven't received some sort of tip or email asking us, the TV Squad, how to get on [insert reality show here]. Unfortunately no, Simon Cowell does not work for us, and Donald Trump isn't my BFF, so we really can't help all that much.

The folks at RealityWanted.com often send us a list of new and existing reality shows that are looking for new, er, talent, and they've given us permission to make mention of them here. We'll try to make this a regular feature as often as we get a new list.

This time we have Million Dollar Password, Dress My Nest, Grill It!, Divorce Court, Whose Wedding is it Anyway? and several new shows.