TVSquad

As much as I loved The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I knew that I was loving it for all the wrong reasons. I'm New Jersey all the way: born here, went to college here, have lived here all my life. About ten percent of the people I've met fit the yelling, lunkheaded Jersey stereotypes we've seen on TV since The Sopranos; what I don't understand is where reality TV's recent fascination has been with the louder residents of the Garden State.

First it was Housewives. Then it was Cake Boss, where Buddy Valastro and his crew scream and gesture so much it's a wonder how their cakes don't collapse in the oven. Even TLC's relatively gentle Masters of Reception seemed to highlight the more "Jersey" aspects of my home state.

Now we have Jersey Shore, an MTV reality series premiering December 3. It documents goings on last summer in a shore house with the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos," according to this particularly annoying promo:

The other day I wrote about watching Mercy during a mini-marathon that aired last Saturday on Bravo. Is it possible that someone at NBC Universal was reading my plaudits for the company using Bravo to promote an NBC drama series? I think so, because today comes to the news that two of the Real Housewives of New Jersey will guest on Mercy.

That's right; you didn't read it wrong. Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita, the two who were having babies in season one of the show, will appear as themselves on the NBC medical drama, according to the Ausiello Files.

You can breath a sigh of relief now. Each and every one of The Real Housewives of New York City are coming back for Season 3. There, don't you feel better? After speculation that Bethenny was going off to do her own show and a rumor that Kelly wasn't invited back, Bravo has wrangled Jill Zarin, Ramona Singer, Alex McCord, Kelly Killoren Bensimon and Countess LuAnn de Lesseps for another installment of the Real Housewives.

When a television show like Barney does a live tour, you automatically know two things: 1. Barney will sing and dance and somehow be entertaining on some level, and 2. The show is geared towards children. That being said, why the hell would anybody host any sort of live performance of The Real Housewives of New Jersey? Well, it's happening at the Wellmont Theatre in Montclair, NJ.

I mean, what are they going to do? Sing? Dance? Sit around and gossip about each other? Will it be some sort of round-robin discussion or interview where we learn even more things about these women that nobody except a very few give a damn about?

Only under very specific circumstances would I purchase tickets to this event. If the housewives were eaten by a bear onstage, I would pay to see that. But not just any bear ... a dancing circus bear that would perform after his meal. That would be cool.

This news actually made my day. Apparently, in order to appear as "celebrities" on the television show The Real Housewives of New Jersey, the housewives themselves were not paid and in some cases owed the producers some of their non-television related income.

This is brilliant! This solves the issue of declining profits for television. Want your own reality show? Then pay for the privilege. It's like buying commercial time without anything definitive to promote. If any of them start their own business as a result of their undeserved fame (like a line of clothing or something), will they owe that income to the producers as well?

No matter how much I loathe reality television, I loathe The Real Housewives of New Jersey just a little bit more. I applaud any opportunity to stick them with a fine for having the viewer subjected to them. The punchline to this joke would be if they all signed the same contract for their upcoming second season.

The power of The Real Housewives of New Jersey is amazing to me. I normally can't stand the Real Housewives series. And, as a lifelong Jerseyan, the Sopranos-esque stereotypes of pampered Bergen County wives initially made me queasy. But dammit, the show hooked me and kept me watching the whole season; it even led me to write the hacky headline above. Why? Because this one had a plot.

The story of the creepily over-Botoxed Danielle Staub and how the rest of the Housewives found out about her sordid past was the thread that kept even Bravo-except-for-Top-Chef-averse people like myself tuning in. Oh, and the fact that they teased the "Last Supper" finale all season (showing matriarch Caroline saying "we're thick as thieves" about a thousand times) also kept me watching. And the finale didn't disappoint: people turning on each other, tables getting tipped over, exceedingly mature children horrified at their parents' behavior... it was great.

But if you thought it was over, think again. As the New York Post reports and Bravo has been promoting, the cable net will air four more episodes.