TVSquad

Hey, Brigitte here with TV Squad Daily. I'll be covering the TV stories I find interesting each day, Monday through Friday, in this video blog.

Today on TV Squad Daily: Reality TV is taking over!

• Who cares if The Apprentice doesn't do well in the ratings? Donald Trump gets free labor from the contestants - and he needs all the help he can get.
  
• Jackie Chan is searching for the world's next kung-fu stars in his Chinese reality show.
  
• Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger partnered with MTV's Pimp My Ride to turn a 65 Chevy Impala into an environmentally friendlier version of itself for Earth Day.
  

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Despite the fact that I'm part of MTV's target demographic, I don't really watch the network. I only tune in as I'm getting dressed in the early morning and MTV's running its morning music video block. For the rest of the day, MTV seems to avoid actually playing full music videos like the plague. Instead, they fill their programming schedule with awful reality shows about spoiled pre-teens and dating shows so depressing that contestants are even willing to pee all over themselves to get out.

Now, please allow me to frolic about in my own fantasy world, in which I create my idea of MTV's perfect programming schedule. There are only five -- FIVE -- MTV shows that I would keep. That's right. Everything else should be full-on music videos. In my own MTV, there will be no Laguna Beach, no Pimp My Ride, and certainly no Yo Momma (how did they manage to pitch that?!)

It turns out all those souped-up choppers and pimped-out rides aren't up to code. California air regulators announced yesterday a nearly $300,000 settlement with Monster Garage's Jesse James and his West Coast Choppers operation. Fifty of his custom-built bikes did not meet California air quality standards. They were built without certified emissions equipment on their exhaust and fuel systems. According to the LA Times, the bikes were spewing hydrocarbons at rates that exceeded state limits times ten.

James isn't the first celebrity grease monkey to get hit with fines. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration fined the customizers behind Pimp My Ride for replacing steering wheel air bags with TV monitors. The between-seat popcorn poppers, rims-turned-fish tanks and fold-out ping-pong tables weren't a problem. I'm surprised it's taken authorities this long to figure out that vehicles nicknamed "666 El Diablo" and the "Undertaker" aren't street legal. As a rule, air regulators, any school bus with a jet engine strapped to its chassis is probably gonna be in violation.

Wow - an invitation to list all of my TV-related wishes for the coming year. This is just like sitting on Santa's lap except without the horrible awkwardness and guilt. When I was a kid, I felt like I had to ask for world peace instead of a bike. That's what happens when you grow up Catholic. It was selfish to have "wants" and worse to state them aloud.

This would explain why it was such an unprecedented joy for me to spend time reveling in the frivolity of my own TV desires this holiday season. I have been given a momentary, guilt-free license to indulge. And, I pass that license on to you. Feel free to offer up your own television wishes in the comments section. I couldn't recommend it to the recovering Catholic portion of our readership more.

Actually, this seems inevitable. It's the makeover craze meets the iPod craze. The MTV show will incorporate iPods into the rides that they pimp (pimp? pimp up? Which is correct? I'm not up on my lingo).

This could be a cottage industry for the show. They could start pimping refrigerators and TVs and phones. Personally, I want the team to come to my apartment and pimp my microwave.

[via TV Tattle]