TVSquad

TV's Supernatural is about to get a lot weirder, and for a show that's about undead beings that steal people's "life forces" and shapeshifting douchebags, that's pretty damn weird.

E! Online scooped the universe with confirmation that Paris "The Human Spotlight" Hilton will make a guest star appearance on the paranormal CW show.

The network didn't spill much on the plot of Miss Hilton's visit, but noted "We've heard the storyline, and when you see it you will die." So I guess if you're not a big fan of dying, don't watch Supernatural or better yet, make someone you hate watch it. You've committed guilt-free murder, and The CW earns another ratings point.

When the late night musical chairs began, I dipped my toes into their waters for the first time in many, many years. The only three shows remaining on my DVR are The Tonight Show, Late Night and The Late Late Show, and only Craig Ferguson is a must watch from beginning to end (I've actually cut Tonight twice and put it back since Conan took over).

The real hook for me is Ferguson's monologue. While everyone's doing, "Hey let's look at the news. Setup. Punchline. Setup. Punchline. Setup. Punch me in the face I can't take it anymore!," Ferguson is doing a short stand-up routine every night. It's smart, it's clever, and it all flows so much more nicely.

I've also enjoyed his constant rants about how terrible his show is, what a horrible host he is, and how incredibly cheap CBS is when it comes to anything to do with The Late Late Show. But now, long after all of his competitors got the upgrade, we're finally getting Craig Ferguson in HD starting August 31, 2009. So he'll have one less thing to bitch about, at least.

For four seasons on Bravo, Kathy Griffin has been trying to crawl her way off of what she called "The D-List," taking humiliating gigs and opening up a lot of her personal life to the cameras to try to get some attention. Truthfully, though, Griffin has been off of the D-List for quite some time, which makes tonight's season five premiere of My Life on the D-List (8 PM, Bravo) a bit puzzling. What list is she on now?

Griffin has now won two Emmys for the D-List, had a string of popular stand-up specials on Bravo, and her comedy album For Your Consideration, was nominated for a Grammy this year (she lost to George Carlin's It's Bad For Ya). And this season features appearances by Paris Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell, T.I., Bette Midler, Lily Tomlin, and Christina Aguilera - quite a cast for someone supposedly fighting obscurity. Plus, her book Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin, hits stores in September on Ballantine Books.

Paris Hilton really needs to rename her show. Brittany Flickinger was her "best friend forever" after the first season, but they don't talk anymore. Then she filmed a season in the UK to find her "British best friend," at least keeping "forever" out of that title. She's got a second season starting tonight in the US, and now we're going to get a new season of My New BFF in the United Arab Emirates as well. Though, apparently UAE officials are making sure Paris' wild ways don't make it through customs.

She's also interested in having BFFs in other parts of the world, so really she's just building an international posse. Plus, with her track record so far, it's more likely that these are just BFFN "best friend for now," or perhaps PITFTPBRIJDTFTMAFAIDTTSIGAC "people I'll tolerate for the press but really I'm just doing this for the money and fame and I'll drop them the second I get a chance." So check out the second season of Paris Hilton's My New PITFTPBRIJDTFTMAFAIDTTSIGAC premiering on MTV tonight at 10 Eastern, and see who she'll drop next.

The late night war is officially back on, folks, and it's about to get nasty because Paris Hilton has become CBS' weapon of choice.

Craig Ferguson and his Late Late Show crew plan to turn the tables on Jimmy Fallon's first foray into his late night territory by launching a cluster of MOABs at NBC that are packed to the brim with Paris.

And no, we don't mean Ferguson literally plans to launch Paris into the Late Night offices where she will unleash her demon whore spawn and turn Fallon's staff into a grisly smorgasbord of bloody flesh and gnarled bones. Let's be realistic. Paris would just hire someone to do that for her.

... Twelve shows a stinkin'

That aroma tickling your nose is not one from an oven full of fresh gingerbread cookies. No, it's from a television full of burned-out ideas and gutted hulks of viewers who can't take the crap that is heaped upon them. That's because, more than ever, there is a lot of stink on the television landscape. Most of it is due to inordinate amounts of reality programming which has flooded the market. The rest is due to the lack of new ideas for an industry that is rapidly changing.

In order to start our annual Festivus countdown we have compiled a scientifically proven list of 12 shows just stinking up the flat screen. And, when I say 'scientifically proven' I mean I just asked a bunch of people off the street about shows they disliked. So, it's as accurate as it possibly can be. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll have opinions, one way or another, on these shows and others not on the list. So, if you have your nose plugs, let's begin.

The CW may have kicked off its fall season on Labor Day, but for most of the other networks, things are just getting started. So what does that mean for you? Heavy promotion for not only the new shows premiering this fall, but for returning favorites as well. To that end, My Name Is Earl creator Greg Garcia and star Jason Lee spoke with reporters recently about Earl's upcoming 4th season.

My Name Is Earl returns for its 4th season on NBC with two back-to-back episodes, September 25 at 8pm. Not only did Garcia and Lee give us a taste of what to expect when we catch up with our favorite Camdenites, but they also dished the dirt on dream guest stars, what previous guest star peed over by craft services, if an Earl movie is in the works, and perhaps a word or two about a famously abrasive 30 Rock star. All of the details are after the jump.

(S01E01) In the first five minutes of this show, viewers are treated to a visual definition of the phrase "fish out of water."

I generally don't like any comedy that starts out with the the main character losing everything and starting her life all over again. In a drama, it kind of works that the hero has to go from town to town searching for something she lost. In a comedy, it just means that we'll be spending the next half hour watching the hero say things like, "What did I get myself into?"

The Republicans have been crying foul about how the media has been unfairly going after vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin. Right or wrong, all that media attention, plus the curiosity about who this little known Alaska governor is, fueled last night's broadcast of her acceptance speech. The results were predictable. The Palin speech was a Nielsen ratings hit, drawing 37.2 million viewers. That's nearly as many viewers as Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama scored a week ago at his Denver stadium event.

As I said, the big number was hardly a surprise, especially if you are at all media savvy. On the net, the name Sarah Palin has become the top draw on every search engine. She's presently a bigger celebrity -- yes, sorry, but that's the word that fits -- than Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, Madonna or Barack Obama. She's on the cover of every supermarket magazine this week, as well as the news magazines.

Oh thank God. Paris Hilton is going to England to try and find a new best friend for her reality television show Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Now, rather than subject us to her vapid, debutante antics, she'll be doing the same thing across the Atlantic where they're more used to that sort of behavior.

You know, this is quite an honor for some lucky Brit. There is nobody more loyal, caring and understanding as a friend than Paris Hilton. Just ask Nicole Richie.

John McCain's presidential campaign included images of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in a television attack ad against opponent Barack Obama. Now, one-half of that duo strikes back and the result is posted on Funny or Die.

At first, I was thinking that it was nice to see Paris Hilton able to take the piss out of herself like this. Then I realized that she was probably serious. I also realized that since was on this site, someone else wrote the sketch for her and she just had to speak the words. Her reference to John McCain as "the wrinkly white-haired guy" was funny, but not nearly as funny as her attempt at intellectual debate toward the end.

Video is after the jump.

It looks like guest-starring on Chuck isn't the biggest thing going on in Nicole Richie's TV career. The former Simple Life star has just announced that a TV show based on her 2005 novel is in the works. Richie's roman à clef, titled The Truth About Diamonds, follows Chloe Parker, the adopted daughter of a rock star who runs around with a bad crowd in Hollywood. Throughout the novel, Parker faces struggles with the law, drugs and her friends. Sound familiar?

Not only is Richie planning on producing the show, but she'll be appearing in it as well. Even though she based Chloe Parker on herself, Richie says that she won't necessarily be playing the lead, "I would definitely produce and definitely be in the show, [but] I don't know if I need to be the star of this show." Since production is still in the early stages, the details surrounding the series remain unclear, such as what network it will be on, and whether or not it will be a drama or a comedy.

Fans of skanktastic television will love this news. Kim Kardashian and her ass, both stars of E!'s Keeping Up with the Kardashians, are launching a line of perfume. She announced this news on her blog, which, by the way, is one of my favorite blogs. It's wonderfully delusional and self-congratulatory.

I'll indulge you in a sample, "It has always been a dream of mine to start my own perfume business, since I love to mix fragrances together and come up with new and different scents! I hope you understand my total excitement as I let you, the readers of my blog, become the first to know that I am creating my own fragrance!!!" I love the emboldened words and gratuitous use of exclamation points.

Like Darth Vader before her, good things can even come out of a person like Paris Hilton. The wealthy socialite best known for her role on television's The Simple Life as well as an amateur porn video has made an "extremely generous" donation to Children's Hospital Los Angeles for the construction of a medical building. No exact amount was specified. The new building, called the Children's Center for Cancer and Blood Diseases, will open in 2010.

"The children I have met through my involvement with Children's Hospital have truly touched my heart," Hilton said in a statement. "I am proud to make a donation and lend my name to the fundraising effort to help children who are facing terribly serious illnesses."

Far be it from me to be a cynic in light of such charity, but this is a woman who has lived such a life of debauchery that the gossip rags have their own special section regarding her. I'm not sure what to think.

So what do you folks think? Actual generosity, or publicity stunt? Or maybe a little of both?