TVSquad

In the 90s, one of the most popular (and annoying) memes that circulated through the geekier magazines was that we were only a few years away from having "500 channels" on our cable systems. Unlike most tech predictions, this one actually came true. Sure, it took 1200% longer than they thought it would, but that's still pretty good considering most of the stuff Wired talked about in the 90s was made up by the editorial staff after downing a couple of those schizophrenia-inducing Transformers 2 pot brownies.

Having recently installed Verizon Fios, I've spent the last few months ignoring my wife and young son so I could explore what the 500 channel landscape looks like. Like Charlton Heston in the Forbidden Zone, I was shirtless, on horseback, and ready to uncover some sad truths about the world.

Here's the question I've come back with: what if there isn't enough talent for humanity to adequately fill 500 channels?

My family often watches TV during the dinner hour. There, I've said it. I'm not proud of that fact, but there you have it. We also force the kids to take 2-hour nature walks with us every weekend, so maybe it all evens out in the end.

Our favorite channel during the dinner hour is TV Land. In our neck of the woods, Hogan's Heroes airs from 6 to 7 p.m., and The Andy Griffith Show from 7 to 8 p.m. We love both these shows, and the episodes always spark laughter and a few discussion topics. Like, how could Colonel Klink be such a dimwit, and why can't more people be like Andy Taylor?

But we might have to start watching the Discovery or History channels or - gasp! - turn the TV off altogether, because the commercials on TV Land are making us gag on our organic mac-and-cheese. I'm talking about the commercials for TV Land's reality shows, High School Reunion and The Cougar.