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America's Next Top Model: And the Winner Is... (season finale)

Posted May 15th 2008 12:47AM by JJ Hawkins
Filed under: OpEd, America's Next Top Model, Episode Reviews, Episode Recaps

(S10E13) The above screencap is the photographic equivalent of a horizontal suck sandwich.

Okay, that's not entirely accurate. The photos of Whitney and Anya are perfectly fine, but my hatred for the individual in the center pretty much taints the picture for me.

And in a broader sense, that's been the overarching flaw with cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model.

Gallery: America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 Gallery

Continue reading America's Next Top Model: And the Winner Is... (season finale)

America's Next Top Model: Ready for My Close-Up

Posted May 10th 2008 7:35AM by JJ Hawkins
Filed under: OpEd, America's Next Top Model, Episode Reviews

(S10E12) This cycle of America's Top Model has made me want to start up a debilitating heroin addiction.

Week after week my favorites have flown out the door starting with the "excitable" Amis and ending with that travesty of an episode two weeks ago when the distractingly beautiful Kataryzna was yanked for "too being vapid." My words, not theirs.

I can't seem to figure out what the hell the judges are looking for this go around, but I sure can tell you what they got. Want to hear it? Here it goes.

Gallery: America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 Gallery

Continue reading America's Next Top Model: Ready for My Close-Up

America's Next Top Model: Viva Italia!

Posted Apr 24th 2008 9:40AM by JJ Hawkins
Filed under: OpEd, America's Next Top Model, Episode Reviews

(S10E10) I accidentally went through last weeks entire recap without a single mention of Lauren going straight Ginsu on her thumb.

I figured I shouldn't make the same mistake two weeks in a row so decided to intro with Anya's faceplant on a brick street..

We heard the requisite record play scratch immediately after she fell. We got Anya's diary room explanation of how it went down (literally). And we got to watch one girl out of five turn around and help Anya pry her mandible from the ground.

Gallery: America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 Gallery

Continue reading America's Next Top Model: Viva Italia!

America's Next Top Model: For Those About to Walk, We Salute You

Posted Apr 16th 2008 11:42PM by JJ Hawkins
Filed under: OpEd, America's Next Top Model, Episode Reviews

(S10E09) Now, I don't want to come off as too harsh or insensitive, but if Dominique is the first thing I see when an episode of America's Next Top Model begins, I usually do a double take to make sure I didn't accidentally hit play on my Gremlins 2 DVD.

Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I say Dominique's eyes be holding no beauty.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I say Domique's windows have vacancy signs tacked on the panes.

Some say an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I say, I would gladly gouge out both of my eyes with a worn tooth if I have to look at her just a week longer.

Gallery: America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 Gallery

Continue reading America's Next Top Model: For Those About to Walk, We Salute You

America's Next Top Model: Top Model Takes It to the Streets

Posted Mar 19th 2008 11:07PM by JJ Hawkins
Filed under: OpEd, America's Next Top Model, Episode Reviews

(S10E05) We're down to 10 girls on this cycle of America's Next Top Model, and my strategy to root for the models I least want to win is in full effect.

I'm currently supporting Dominique and Fatima with the hopes that they make it to the final two and I have to admit it's really painful having to do this.

I cringe every time I hear Dominique refer to herself in the third person. I gag every time Fatima talks about how ghetto or stupid another girl is. I cringe and gag having any positive thoughts about them, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the models I really want to win.

Gallery: America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 Gallery

Continue reading America's Next Top Model: Top Model Takes It to the Streets

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