TVSquad

(S04E15) "All right, one more time for the slow kid." - Lee Scanlon

When I was in grade school, sixth grade to be precise, everyone brought their lunch to school in a small brown paper bag, sometimes, girls used a cute version (white bag with hearts, pink bag with kitties) but other than that, there were no exceptions. If anyone was foolish enough to bring their mid day meal to school in a lunchbox of any kind, they would pay dearly. For example, my friend Lance who quickly earned the nickname "Lunchbox Lance" all because of his love for the rock band Kiss. Thankfully, it never occurred to Lance to fight back like the young man in Allison's dream. However, now that I am an adult and I collect vintage metal lunchboxes, I would pay a hefty price for the lunchbox that young man used to bludgeon his tormentor.

We've been talking about NBC's Bionic Woman every week this season. How the show "has potential" and is "entertaining," while at the same time I think we can all agree it's really disappointing, has been all over the place, and has a lead that has the personality of the flashlight that is currently on my desk. What went wrong?

Brian Stelter over at The New York Times TV Decoder blog has a rundown on what happened to the show, from the pre-launch hype to how the numbers dropped so badly that NBC even took the repeat off of Saturday nights and replaced it with a repeat of Chuck.

(S01E08) Jaime: "Antonio used to say 'a briefcase is never really a briefcase.' "
Jonas: "Yeah, well, Antonio's dead."

I usually highlight a good, funny line of dialogue or exchange, but the above is so laughably bad I had to place it right at the top.

So let me get this straight: Jaime, who doesn't want her sister to know about her spy life because she doesn't want to put her life in danger, brings her along on an assignment to drop off a mysterious package to a mysterious stranger? Yeah, that's a good idea. And then she slips up and gives away info that the bad guy isn't supposed to know that she has, blowing her cover.

I believe I said this before, but I'll say it again: Jamie Sommers is the worst agent in the world.

(S01E07) "Would it kill you guys to put up a painting, a plant?" - Jaime, to Ruth, about the cold decor at HQ.

Jaime Sommers: Worst. Spy. Ever.

Seriously, I don't care how much money has gone into her, I'd fire her right now, send her back to bartending. She follows a bad guy with a suitcase and then gets distracted by a cell phone call from boyfriend Tom? She couldn't just not answer it or maybe tell him she'll call him back? What is she, 14? She's probably also mad that she's has to, like, totally work and everything, at the same time there's a new Gossip Girl on The CW!

(S01E06) "I bet you haven't seen a movie made before 1983." - Tom, to Jaime

Does anyone else think that Jaime is sort of dumb? I mean, she's hot and can fight and seems to be an OK spy-type person, but there doesn't seem to be anything else going on up there. If she wasn't a spy, she'd be back at the bar, banging random dudes and drinking a lot and arguing with her sister all the time. The above quote from Tom illustrates that. I bet she's not really interested in anything and seems rather dull to me. Or maybe it's just the way Michelle Ryan is playing her. Did I mention she's hot?

(S01E05) "How's your British accent?" - Jonas, to Jaime

So I'm curious: did they have Michelle Ryan use her real British accent in this episode as a funny, insider-ish sort of joke, or did she just get tired that week and not want to fake an American accent? Regardless, it brings up the question, why is Ryan even faking an American accent? Can't she just play a Brit who lives in America? When she kept using her "fake" British accent while talking to Nathan on the phone, I thought it was a really lame mistake. Thankfully they had Nathan ask her why she's faking it even on the phone with him. It's good they explained that, but still...

(S01E04) "I'm just a simple boob man." - Nathan

I think after this episode, we're all simple boob men.

This was the "let's position Katee Sackhoff on a table and make her wear a tank top and have wires wrapped around her chest to highlight her breasts as much as possible" episode. Not that I'm complaining. But it seems like a waste to have a character like Sarah Corvus and have her lying down for most of the time.

In this episode we learn that Jaime's new body comes with a limited warranty, and that her sister likes to pour beer on ice cream.

(S01E03) "$50 million and you didn't think we'd throw in a GPS?" - Jonas

OK, I have to admit it: with this episode Bionic Woman has me hooked for the long haul.

Where the first two episodes were way too heavy on the set up, this one was actually intriguing, lively, and jam-packed with witty lines. I'm actually beginning to think that the highlight of the show is Miguel Ferrer's Jonas character. Unlike Arvin Sloane over on Alias, Jonas is sarcastic and funny. And he's not the only one who had good dialogue in this episode. It's like the show was taken over by other writers or something after the first two episodes. The words were meatier, funnier.

(S01E02)"God you're a douche." - Jaime, to Jonas

Last week I mentioned that Bionic Woman had a lot of Alias in it, and the opening scenes of this second episode solidifies that viewpoint a little bit more, with Jaime's fiancee dead and her friends moving on with their lives ("I'm gonna to be a scumbag lawyer, you guys!") and Jaime stuck at a bartending job and feeling a little lost, a little unfulfilled.

Time to save the world!

He hasn't even made his debut on the show yet (he starts tonight at 8 on NBC), but Isaiah Washington says that NBC has already said they might want to spinoff his Bionic Woman character because "there's been some relative excitement about my presence."

First of all, who the hell talks like that about themselves? There's been excitement about his presence? Um, OK. Second, Washington is only slated to do five episodes so far, and I think that if NBC really thought he was great then they would want to sign him to a full-time contract on Bionic Woman before taking the chance of spinning him off on his own show.

(S01E01)"I guess that makes me your landlord." - Jonas Bledsoe, explaining to Jamie Sommers who he is and all the money he spent on her

Sometimes I really hate first episodes of TV shows. They have to have so much exposition and explain everything and set everything up so fast. In the first 15 minutes of Bionic Woman, the following occurs: we meet the evil killer bionic woman, who is killed by one of her cohorts after a rampage; we're introduced to Jamie and her job as a bartender; we meet her kid sister and see them argue about their absent father; we meet her boyfriend the professor/scientist; and we find out that Jamie is pregnant.

OK, so the networks have given their upfronts and they've sent out the screener DVDs. These are the pilot episodes of the new fall shows, in not-quite-completed form. Things could still change before they hit the networks this fall, but they give a good general sense of what the shows are about and what they're like.

Today Joel and I start with previews of some new NBC shows: Bionic Woman, Life, Chuck, and Journeyman. More networks and other shows coming soon!

(Photos courtesy NBC.com)