TVSquad

(S21E05) I've been waiting all season for this episode. As a long-lapsed fan of The Simpsons, it was beginning to look like someone had sucked the heart right out of Springfield's first family. Maybe they have, for the most part, but everything that made The Simpsons such a great show 20 years ago was there tonight.

Maybe it was that we finally got to see Mr. Burns again; he was always my favorite. Yes, he only had a bit part, and in fact the part of maniacal boss was played by Carl instead of Burns, but his presence set up the stories of the entire episode. I'll go so far as to say everything about that episode worked, from Marge's sexy calendar to Ned Flander's role in the final moments.

Even the brief encounters with Bart at school fed the main story, and were handled perfectly. This is what The Simpsons is capable of, and despite a few moments that were a bit more crass than I recall the Simpsons of yore being, it was classic Simpsons all over again.

Marge Simpson's spread in Playboy was a groundbreaking moment for cartoon women everywhere. Her sensual skin pics paved new ground for the "feminine-animated."

She told the world that the women of animation aren't just vehicles for humor or straight characters to set up punchlines for the males on the paper. She helped us realize they have thoughts, feelings, emotions and yes, even urges that make them unique, infinitely interesting and utterly fascinating. They are, as Dr. Frasier Crane so eloquently put it, "like a fine wine: always intoxicated, ever surprising and only getting better with age."

And so, for the cause of gender equality and female empowerment, here are the ten cartoon chicks who should pose naked because it would be righteously awesome.

(S21E03) "Call me a killjoy, but I think that because this is not to my taste, no one else should be able to enjoy it!" --Marge Simpson on Ultimate Punching

I'm not a fan of Ultimate Fighting, though I think that other people should be able to watch it, if they're so inclined. But it is an all too common stance among watchdog groups, including mothers, sympathetic school officials and the clergy, as Nelson so kindly pointed out. Of course, this has been going on for years, but it was still a clever enough send-up of the problem.

Maybe it's because I don't find Marge to be one of the funnier characters on the show and this episode focused on her, so there weren't as many funny moments in the main storylines. Luckily, there were plenty of side characters and moments to spotlight.

I can vividly remember a time when The Simpsons was the hot new show that every parent had to keep away from their kids or Child Protective Services would show up and take them away. So every time I see the newest thing that The Simpsons are on this week, I can feel myself aging.

I love The Simpsons. It has been my all time favorite show as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, amen. So I have to have the coolest Simpsons stuff. But every time I see Bart on a TV shirt, I can feel my hair turning gray and thinner.

The MILF has become a staple of the modern male's sexual appetite, along with groveling and porn.

How did this evolution occur? Did the average young male grow tired of trying to impress shallow women their own age who wouldn't pay attention to them if a shark was eating them? Were older women going broke from the rising cost of chlorophyll? What chemical imbalance caused this carnivorous and shallow love affair and how can I increase it without melting my brain in the microwave?

Maybe the true answer is like opening the Ark of the Covenant. The only way to walk away from its truth unscathed means not opening your eyes to it. So here are the hottest TV moms who could make any guy turn his knob in their direction (thanks to the digital switch, that innuendo no longer works so enjoy that image I put in your head).

I've often heard from married guys that the best way to test your loved one's love is to change the wedding plans at the last minute to something completely outrageous. I'm assuming they mean an idea more outrageous than marriage.

If you're a football fan, tell them you want a cake in the shape of Dick Butkus' head -- or John Madden, if you've got more than 100 people. If you're a Star Trek fan, tell your bride you want a Mr. Spock impersonator as your best man who will say in his toast, "After today, I now understand this human emotion called love."

The whole thing sounds like a foolproof escape plan, which would explain why married guys are the ones who keep thinking of it. But for one groom who is organizing a Simpsons themed wedding, it seems to have either backfired or fulfilled his deepest dream.

I went to Universal Studios in Hollywood on Saturday for the revealing of The Simpsons Ride. Celebs walked the "yellow" carpet. The mayor welcomed the crowds and led the countdown. A human cannonball was shot into the air. And a yellow sheet dropped to reveal a 32-foot Krusty the Clown face at the entrance to the attraction.

Despite the launch being for The Simpsons, there were hardly any members of the cast there on the yellow carpet. Kelsey Grammer (Sideshow Bob) was there along with creator Matt Groening and producer James L. Brooks but no other voice talents were anywhere to be found. See who I talked to and read more about the ride unveiling after the jump.

(S19E17) "Sorry, Lise. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death." -- Bart Simpson

Another Bart-centric episode, which means another decent installment of The Simpsons. It's unfortunate that these types of episodes couldn't have been dispersed more evenly throughout the season. This would have made for a less Homer-centric run of shows during the first half of the year -- something that many fans (or maybe just me) were expressing concern about.

(S19E15) "I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports." -- Bart Simpson

From the outside, the Family Simpson comprises a group of people who go from one wacky adventure to another. Yet, when you go beneath their four-fingered exteriors, each member of the family is actually fighting their own little battle. For Bart it's the fight against the establishment; for Marge it's finding order withing the disorder of her life; for Maggie it's getting through an entire day on one pacifier; and for Homer it is the philosophical dilemma of whether or not death brings forth life or life brings on death. That, or just trying to get between breakfast and lunch without starving to death...it really depends on the day.

(S19E14) "Oh boy, dinnertime! The perfect break between work and drunk." -- Homer J. Simpson

Before I get to the review as a whole for this week's installment of The Simpsons I want to talk about one of the most disturbing scenes that has ever graced this program. It involves Homer, who is breaking his one millionth diet or something. In one scene he's shown entering a room of a sleazy motel with what looks like another woman. Turns out it's just a rack of meat (I think it was lamb, I couldn't hear Homer) dripping in its own juices. He then goes about treating the meat like a lover, sucking on the juices, caressing it, and even bringing it to the shower with him. I was in total agreement with the host of Sneakers -- the fictitious television show that was a parody of the real-life show Cheaters -- when he asked the guys in the control truck to turn the hidden cameras off. Brrr!

Other than that, this was a pretty good episode.

(S19E13)"Young man, I'm going to be on you like a numerator on a denominator" -- Principal Skinner to Donny the informant

It's been a looong time since we had an episode of The Simpsons that focused on that young rapscallion Bart and his status of Prankmaster at Springfield Elementary. Frankly, I was starting to get a bit worried that we wouldn't see one at all this season and that all we would get is one episode after another focusing on Homer and his hi-jinks. Luckily, someone at FOX or the offices of The Simpsons realized this and gave us an installment that not only reignited the feud between Bart and Principal Skinner, but parodied the Martin Scorsese film The Departed. Plus, it was actually a good episode.

(S19E06) After a month of Homer and Marge-centric episodes (I don't count 'Treehouse of Horror' stories because they take place outside of The Simpsons continuity. Don't laugh!) we finally get one focusing on the Simpson kids and their friends. In this case the spotlight is on one Milhouse Van Houten. This is not the first time Milhouse has been featured in an episode. In fact, he's probably the only other kid on The Simpsons that has had more than one show focus on him. Remember the 'Radioactive Man' episode waaayyyy back in the seventh season?

This is most likely due to his friendship with Bart. Because they have been so closely linked since the very first episodes of the series Milhouse has been given a richer backstory than, say, Martin.We know about his unrequited love for Lisa, his affair with Samantha Stanky, and the break-up (and subsequent get-together) of his parents.Actually, the pending nuptials of Kirk and Luann were part of the plot for this week's episode.

AOL TV released a list of the top 18 TV witches. The list is exhaustive including everyone from classical TV witches to daytime witches and BBC witches.

This list even made me a little nostalgic. After reading about Miss Cackle and Mildred from the 1986 TV movie The Worst Witch, I think I might have to check my TV listings to see if the movie will get an encore presentation in the days leading up to Halloween. I totally forgot that Mildred was played by Fairuza Balk who obviously used her Worst Witch time to develop her later role in The Craft. With those piercing blue eyes, dark hair and bright red lipstick, she really does make a good witch.

There's long been a debate among certain kinds of creepy cartoon enthusiasts about which animated girls we would most like to, uh, "get-to-know better", should we ever live in a Cool World-type universe where that sort of thing was possible. Judy Jetson, teenage Pebbles, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid (with feet or without)... the list, sadly, goes on and on.

As I get older, though, I find one area of Creepyville the internet geeks have yet to explore: which animated housewife is the hottest! This being the internet, the only way to truly rectify the situation is to create a numbered list. I thus present to you my list of the seven hottest animated housewives...

(S19E03) Shut the hell up, you damn ass whore! -- Bart

Three episodes of The Simpsons down. Time for an extensive, in-depth analysis of the nineteenth season so far.

Not bad.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting an earth-shattering change in the show after The Simpsons Movie premiered this summer. What has come down the pike since late September has been entertaining and provided a good solid laugh or two. However, I do have one concern and an observation about our favorite yellow-headed patriarch. If I've piqued your interest then jump ahead. If not, then enjoy this floating Homer head. Enjoy it as you get sleepy . . . sleepy. Now, You Will Jump To The Next Page And Laugh Everytime I Say Flooblegee!