TVSquad

If you thought the phlegm filled syllables of the Klingon language couldn't make ordinary human music sound as sweet as the innocent cheeps of a nest of newborn birds, then you'd be right.

Klenginem, a member of the Klingon tribe (I don't know what the politically correct term for Klingon is these days, Romulan-Americans?), has turned Eminem's self-serving ditty "Without Me" into a self-serving Klingon ditty.

Don't try and sing along if you aren't fluent in the words of the warrior, or it will turn your esophagus inside out.



[via Neatorama]

Thanks to the magic of the Internet, we can now recall that around the time the Star Trek franchise was moving from television to movies with Star Trek: The Motion Picture (waaayyyyy back in the 70's), apparently Paramount had Klingons shilling for McDonald's Happy Meals. No, seriously.

It makes me wonder exactly what was in the Happy Meals that made the Klingons like it so much. Wasn't it established during Star Trek: The Next Generation that Klingons like to eat live worms? Perhaps that was in place of the french fries. I recall eating a Happy Meal or two back in the day and don't recall eating anything that would be palatable to a Klingon.

I'm sure there has been much sillier Star Trek merchandise being pushed since then given the ubiquity of the franchise, but this commercial did make me laugh a little. Here's the video so you can judge for yourself.

[via Topless Robot]

The bar mitzvah is a Jewish rite of passage, the time in a boy's life when he becomes a man -- symbolically -- by reading from the Torah. When a girl does the ritual, it's called a bat mitzvah. I mention all this because in TV, the bar/bat mitzvah has been the catalyst for some wonderful episodes, mostly on sitcoms.

The Simpsons celebrated Krusty the Klown's bar mitzvah in the episode "Today I Am A Klown," which was a variation on one of the all-time great sitcom bar mitzvahs of all time: the episode "Buddy Sorrell, Man and Boy," on The Dick Van Dyke Show. Square Pegs shared "Muffy's Bat Mitzvah" with viewers, and this past season, Curb Your Enthusiasm's Larry David used his friend Jeff Greene's daughter Sammi's bat mitzvah to announce that he never put a gerbil up his butt.

In honor of the 40th Anniversary of Star Trek, I wanted to share with you one of my favorite Star Trek stories. I tell it to you as it was told to me.

So, I go to a science fiction convention every year called Norwescon.

For years, a guy comes to the convention dressed as a giant squirrel. No discernible reason to dress as a squirrel at a science fiction convention, but he dresses as one, nonetheless. Hey, I'm cool with it.

I was speculating with my friend Rob one year "Where's the Squirrel? I haven't seen him yet," when a woman dressed as a Klingon piped up: "He's not here yet. Should be showing up tonight."

Figuring she knows the Squirrel, I asked "You know the Squirrel?" She responded with a story that, while true, is very strange. Norwescon usually has a fairly large Klingon contingent. Most are allied in one specific band, with usually a half-dozen or so freelancers. One year the Klingon Band (I forget their ship name) was wandering the halls and ran into the Squirrel.

Well, first you need to invite over a vegetarian and get him talking. Then, when he's comfortable, catch him by surprise and "beat him to death with a sack of phone books".

Thus begins the Klingon recipe for vegetarian lasagna, according to humorist Mike Richardson-Bryan over at McSweeneys. Richardson-Bryan also wrote Klingon recipes for Homestyle Gagh, Heart of Targ, Thing on a Stick (a.k.a. Bachelor's Delight) and Tribble Nuggets, which involve a lot of shooting and then stomping Tribbles into nuggets. Funny stuff. Also check out the writer's Klingon Personal Ads and Klingon Fairy Tales for McSweeneys.