TVSquad

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

When one of our favorite TV shows goes off the air, it can be devastating. However, many times, the cancellation is the birth of a spinoff. Sometimes it can be a great thing (Frasier) and sometimes not so much (AfterM*A*S*H). Here are some this month's spinoff ideas that I would love to see.

So you Think You're a Gentleman
Do you have the power to take away the ability of speech? Can you make it look like you're floating while walking? Are you one of the creepiest looking people in the world? Then you might be just what "The Gentlemen" are looking for. "The Gentlemen" from the Emmy winning Buffy episode 'Hush' are looking for a new member and you may be him. Please send in a videotape of yourself flashing your creepiest smile and detailing what makes you the only choice to be the next Gentleman. Hosted by Doug Jones

Give Justine Bateman credit: She could have been typecast after playing the dippy, fashion-obsessed Mallory Keaton on Family Ties, but she's been able to build a nice career for herself over the last twenty years by playing interesting supporting roles in movies like The TV Set and series like Desperate Housewives. But she's also been -- just like 75% of the people in Hollywood -- an aspiring writer, struggling to get her scripts produced (and you think having connections helps ... she knows Michael J. Fox and her brother is Jason Bateman, and she still couldn't get her scripts produced).

But now she can add "sitcom writer" to her credits; she just wrote an episode of The Disney Channel's hit Wizards of Waverly Place, according to the New York Daily News. Apparently, she's a friend of executive producer Peter Murrieta, and she got to know some of the show's writers during the writers' strike. So, when the strike ended, she was invited to write an episode for the show.

(S04E16/S04E17) "I'm Wayne Davis. We're about to have some fun." - Wayne

Answers. As ABC promised us, we've got them. The two-hour season finale of Desperate Housewives wrapped up the season-long Katherine/Dylan/Wayne storyline, sent Kayla packing, and paved the way for a revamped Wisteria Lane.

For ease of writing and reading, I'll be commenting the events of "The Gun Song" and "Free" in one slightly longer than usual post. I sadly can't comment everything that happened in this special two-hour event, so feel free to dish and comment about what I didn't pick on.

(S04E15) "Do you love Kayla?" - Dr. Joshua Dolan to Lynette

"Mother Said" was quite the eventful episode since it pushed forward all of the ladies' storylines and dealt with two big secrets: Benjamin's and Dylan's parents. It also featured scenes of the four main characters together, which we haven't seen much lately.

(S04E14) "I thought you were a hooker." - Gaby to Ellie

Finally, after weeks of being almost useless to the series (those of you who read my reviews regularly know that lately I've been rooting for the Solises to leave Wisteria Lane), Gaby and Carlos got a meatier storyline thanks to the addition for a few episodes of Mallory Keaton, err, Justine Bateman. The downside? The storyline is too predictable.

This is Spoilers Anonymous, a weekly column here at TV Squad where we'll supply you with the dirt on some of the more popular shows on the air. We'll never put spoilers up here on the main page in order to help the reformed stay unspoiled. If you have anything to add to the group, feel free to step up and let yourself be heard, either with our tips form or by emailing us at tvsquad at gmail dot com or call and leave a message at (775) 640-8479 - your anonymity is guaranteed, if you wish to remain as such.

This week we have: Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Law & Order: SVU, Lost, Moonlight, Psych, Pushing Daisies, Smallville and The Office. (SPOILERS FOLLOW!)

There's going to be a new lady swinging down Wisteria Lane this spring. Entertainment Tonight reported that Justine Bateman has signed onto Desperate Housewives for a few episodes. The actress, who will forever be remembered for playing Alex P. Keaton -- Michael J. Fox's -- sister Mallory on Family Ties, will be playing "a hip artist living with Gabby and Carlos."

From The Today Show, for the first time in 18 years, the entire cast of Family Ties got together to reminisce and talk about the show. Actually they got together to help series creator Gary David Goldberg plug his new book Sit, Ubu, Sit, a memoir of his life and times. I grew up in the '80s and this show was a huge part of my growing up. My parents were liberal hippies, just like the Keaton parents. And while I had nothing in common with really any of the kids, I found myself drawn into their familial world anyway.

The entire group still looks great, and I wondered if it would be possible to do a Family Ties reunion. The most obvious hurdle would be Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's disease. Even in this interview, it was difficult to see him struggling with it, so I would imagine it would be nearly impossible for him to hide it.

Brian Bonsall, who played Andrew, the youngest Keaton on the NBC sitcom Family Ties, was arrested in Boulder, Colorado for assaulting his girlfriend. She told police that he threw an alcoholic drink in her face while she was asleep, choked her, and threw her onto a bed. Bonsall says it was all in self-defense, because she cut him with a steak knife.

"Well it's like we've been together, for a million years..."

This isn't the first time Bonsall has been in trouble with the police. In 2001 he was convicted of drunk driving, and in 2004 he was arrested for the same offense.

If you didn't watch Family Ties, Bonsall played Worf's son on Star Trek: The Next Generation and starred in the movie Blank Check.

(S01E16) No, that's not a typo. The title of this episode is really a play on Marin Frist.

Well, I liked this episode a heck of a lot more than last week's. I think Marin had a very relatable problem. She couldn't get comfortable with Lynn and kept trying to overcompensate for it, making herself and everyone else uncomfortable in the process. She's one of those girls who wants people to like her and so she goes a little overboard in buying Lynn a really expensive, gigantic stroller for her baby shower. She also buys muffins and coffee for her contractors, who are walking all over her in renovating her home. She learned a good lesson in the end, but it was Lynn who had to force it upon her. She makes a good point: those two may never be comfortable with each other.

(S01E13) Well, I totally identified with Marin's constant procrastination so she didn't have to face writing her book. As a person who makes her living as a writer, I always found every excuse in the world to avoid writing: laundry, yardwork, etc. Anyway, the town rummage sale served as a metaphor for what was happening with a bunch of the couples in this episode. They were trying to figure out how much old stuff they could throw out before they could start anew.

It looks like the charming Illeanarama is coming to a close. The fifth and final installment of the online series, starring actress Illeana Douglas, will be posted on YouTube late this week. There is, however, word that a "special feature" edition with guest stars Sarah Silverman and Daryl Hannah will run the week after the final episode hits the internets. If you haven't caught Illeanarama yet, it's one of the best-produced and well-written little gems hiding in the YouTube morass.

(S01E12) It's been more than a month since we've seen a new episode of Men in Trees. The last one was a two-parter that started in NYC and ended back in Elmo, Alaska with a very complicated plot twist. Jack's girlfriend, Lynn (Justine Bateman) is back... and she's pregnant. Plus, Annie and Patrick broke up for real this time.

The title of this week's episode refers to the winter solstice, the darkest day in Alaska, so you know it's going to be a downer.

What's not to love about Illeana Douglas - granddaughter of two-time Oscar winner Melvyn Douglas, Scorsese regular, indie filmmaker and brilliant-but-canceled Action co-star? Alright, I didn't love her hippy-dippy appearance on Lisa Loeb's #1 Single, but I'll give her a pass because she was so great in To Die For, which was written by one of my heroes - Buck Henry.

Illeana is making television news this week with the YouTube premiere of her show Illeanarama. The pilot episode features Douglas, Christopher Guest regular Jane Lynch and Justine Bateman as herself. The premise is cute so long as you're not offended by rich people finding humor in what it would be like for them to live among the great unwashed. Illeana dumps her Hollywood career for life as a grocery story clerk. Once word gets out that working for a living is the hottest fashion statement (like adopting a third world babies?), more celebrities appear on the scene. Future episodes will feature Gene Wilder, Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley Jr. For the time being, you can only see them online care of Zeitbyte.

(S01E11) Men in Trees has its very first love triangle, a twist that was necessary to keep the story interesting. This episode picked up right where last week left off. Jack went to meet Marin at the dock to tell her he loves her, but instead his ex-girlfriend, Lynn (Justine Bateman), showed up.

Marin, Jack and Lynn: Yep, Lynn's pregnant. ABC kind-of gave it away in last week's promos (*shakes fist at the sky*). Luckily, it's not Jack's baby. But it still complicates things. Jack obviously feels some sort of responsibility for Lynn's predicament, even though he really doesn't have to. Plus, how hot was that kiss between him and Marin? Steaming hot.