TVSquad

So, John Edwards finally made his endorsement announcement and it looks like he is a Barack Obama type of guy. In other news, I have, once again, managed to out-geek myself. As soon as Jon made that joke about Wolverine, I groaned and thought to myself, "Oh, come on. Daily Show, you've totally lost cool points. Wolverine's skeleton is definitely adamantium." And then that geeky guy came out and corrected Jon. And then I lost cool points. And then I lost extra cool points for using "cool points."

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: Robert Kagan and Parag Khanna
• The Daily Show: Denis Leary
• The Colbert Report: Andrei Cherny
• The Late Show with David Letterman: America Ferrera, Russell Brand, and Terry Fator
• Jay Leno: Dana Delany, Hulk Hogan, and Dwight Yoakam
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Josh Holloway, Brad Williams, and Dierks Bentley
• Tavis Smiley: Pico Iyer and Richard Roundtree
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Carlos Mencia and MGMT
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: David Boreanaz and Carrot Top
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Christina Ricci, Steve Byrne, and Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

"The Long Flat Seemingly Endless Bataan Death March to the White House": For a little while, Barack Obama looked like he was well on his way to locking the Democratic nomination. Then, West Virginia happened and Hillary Clinton totally crushed Obama in the state's primary. It may have had something to do with her hard work, her working class base, or because a lot of West Virginians are xenophobic. It's Obama's own fault for being a super-secret Muslim. In other news, the "I don't like the 'Hussein' thing" lady hurt my soul.

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: Jeremy Greenstock and Michael Rose
• The Daily Show: John Harwood
• The Colbert Report: Laura Dern and Grover Norquist
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Jack Hanna and Kid Rock
• Jay Leno: Rainn Wilson, Howard Dean, and Kate Nash
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Evangeline Lilly, Ben Barnes, and Joe Jackson
• Tavis Smiley: Carly Simon
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Leighton Meester and The Black Keys
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Maura Tierney and Tony Danza
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Olivia Wilde and Grizzly Bear

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia recently appeared on CSPAN's Q&A and grumpily talked about The Daily Show's childish material. I always remember Scalia as one of the only people that cracked up on camera during Stephen Colbert's 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner performance, so I still like to pretend that he's secretly a TDS/TCR fan. Also, does anyone else here have the America book? My copy has an unusual tendency to open right on the naked Supreme Court when I just randomly pick a page. They must have done something sneaky to the binding.

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: Jonathan Zittrain
• The Daily Show: Bill Moyers
• The Colbert Report: Jennifer Hooper McCarty
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Regis Philbin, Laura Dern, and Death Cab For Cutie
• Jay Leno: Evangeline Lilly, Ben Barnes, and Switchfoot
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: David Spade, Jean Smart, and Ashlee Simpson (repeat)
• Tavis Smiley: Bill Moyers and Susan Neiman
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Steve Carell, Alyson Hannigan, and Duffy
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: John Cusack and Paraminder Nagra
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Kaley Cuoco and Gavin DeGraw

No time for lengthy news! Let's get down to business. Terry McAuliffe, Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman, recently appeared on Meet the Press and made the embarrassing mistake of referring to Tim Russert's father being in Heaven. The problem was that Russert's dad is still alive. Oops. Without realizing it, I had mirrored Jon's nervous, flailing hands during the cringeworthy clip. Man, it's almost as bad as accidentally blurting out "your mom" jokes to people whose mothers are dead.

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: Randi Weingarten
• The Daily Show: Matt Taibbi
• The Colbert Report: Dr. Mehmet Oz
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Shia LaBeouf and N.E.R.D.
• Jay Leno: Jack Black and Clay Aiken
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Robert Downey Jr. and Lyfe Jennings (repeat)
• Tavis Smiley: Kelsey Grammer and Senator Harry Reid
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Jimmy Fallon, William Shatner, and Gary Vaynerchuck
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: John Stamos, Judith Smith-Levin, and Jaymay
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Rob Corddry

"You Don't Know Dick": It's about time for another segment! I was worried they had run out of wacky things about our VP. The Today Show's Meredith Vieira stopped by Dick Cheney's house, which doesn't look quite as pixelated in person, to show the world just how rich and creepy his home is. Abandoned children's toys and lonely swings aren't exactly inviting images. The most amusing part of this was not the sneak peek at the Cheney household (although I'm sure you loved it), but the sheer terror evident in the audience's reactions to any mention of "nude, pixelated Cheney genitalia". That's actually the name of my new emo band.

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: Bill Moyers
• The Daily Show: David Perlmutter
• The Colbert Report: Arianna Huffington
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Paris Hilton, Steve Wyrick, and Panic at the Disco
• Jay Leno: Jenna Fischer, Robert Schimmel, and Trace Adkins
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Ashton Kutcher, Isabella Rossellini, and Gavin DeGraw
• Tavis Smiley: Helen Hunt and Majora Carter
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Emile Hirsch and Craig Baldo
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Emily Deschanel and Melvin Lardy
• Last Call with Carson Daly: James Denton and The Heavy

"The Long Flat Seemingly Endless Bataan Death March to the White House": The Hillary Clinton camp decided to celebrate its win in the Indiana primary, despite the fact that it wasn't 100%. Clinton and Barack Obama also tried to be nice to each other, leaving the bitterness to the media. The Indiana primary saw a bit of controversy and the news networks, desperate for any bit of drama to spice up those seven hours of news time, jumped all over it. Indiana's Lake County didn't turn in its results within the same time as the other voters. Naturally, "hanky panky" was suspected and the news anchors were pissed. CNN's John King turned to the touchy screen for distraction. The choice of music under the footage made me laugh uncontrollably. Fact: On two hours of sleep, The Daily Show is even funnier, but not necessarily on the best parts. The mayor fight sent me into a fit of giggles, if that's any indication of my fatigue.

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: Paola Antonelli
• The Daily Show: Senator John McCain
• The Colbert Report: Hasan Elahi and George Johnson
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Emile Hirsch, Tom Dreesen, and Dirk Arthur
• Jay Leno: President Jimmy Carter, Jon Favreau, and P.O.D.
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Christina Ricci, Mario Batali, and Lil Mama
• Tavis Smiley: President Jimmy Carter
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Liam Neeson, BJ Novak, and The Duke Spirit
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Felicity Huffman and Mike Doughty
• Last Call with Carson Daly: Miranda Kerr, Rachel Harris, and Seether

"Rustbelt Midwest Swing State F@#kfest": Taking a break from talking about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, Jon Stewart took on two other Democrats. This time, the targets were Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann and Detroit's Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and their wacky sex scandals. We saw that these folks' sexual escapades (sexcapades?) were mild compared to the Eliot Spitzer-esque craziness we have grown accustomed to, once again proving that Midwest states are the land of "under the shirt, over the bra" scandals.

Here's who's on the late night shows tonight.

• Charlie Rose: coverage of the North Carolina and Indiana primaries
• The Daily Show: Fareed Zakaria
• The Colbert Report: Nathan Gunn
• The Late Show with David Letterman: Ashton Kutcher, Mac King, and Steve Winwood
• Jay Leno: Christina Ricci, KT Tunstall, and Julie Scardina
• Jimmy Kimmel Live: Robert Downey Jr. and Lyfe Jennings
• Tavis Smiley: John Dean, Barry Goldwater Jr., and Famke Janssen
• Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Jason Lee and Galactic
• The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: John Goodman and Jason Aldean
• Last Call with Carson Daly: John Cho and Your Vegas

Jon started the episode with an apology to his family and neighbor for mistaking Quatro de Mayo for a drinking holiday. That's rather silly, as everyone knows that's actually Star Wars day ("May the Forth by with you"). The beginning of May also saw the anniversary of President Bush's flightsuit-tastic "Mission Accomplished" banner unveiling. Yeah, it doesn't hurt any less. White House spokeswoman Dana Perino attempted to ease the bitterness by admitting that the banner should have been more specific, stating, "Mission accomplished for these sailors who are on this ship on their mission." Jon also managed to call me out as one of the "font crazy" home viewers, because I made a weird face as I thought, "I'm pretty sure Times Courier isn't a real font..."